Well damn it all to h-e- double hockey sticks...

I read this article and I want to call bullshit.

I have a crap job, where I'm one of the "working poor" of this country and to read

A bill passed by the House in May took pensions away from members convicted of bribery or corruption. But it remains stalled in "conference negotiations" and appears unlikely to pass before the end of the session.

Regardless, the current bill is not retroactive so Ney and Cunningham are guaranteed their pensions. Ney will get $29,000 a year after age 60, and Cunningham is already collecting $64,000 a year while in prison. According to Sepp, the amount grows with the cost of living each year

Cunningham is in PRISON and he's getting more money then me... never mind the fact that ya know, we tax payers pay for... um... the food and the "rent" of the prison to begin with...

The right make a big deal about how much it costs to imprision someone... so I want to point out that while Cunningham is in jail- we're not only paying him a salery WAY better then mine, but that we're paying with our tax dollars also for his "room and board".

Heck the pediphile Foley will end up drawing from the government more then I get from the gift store.

That's fucked.

Hating the holidays.

So last thanksgiving my mom said to me that she was SOO proud of me that IF I had a job that she would've gotten me an Xbox 360. I then explained to her that... well even if she WANTED to get me the x-box 360( last year) it would have been nigh impossible.

So I remind her of my desire for the xbox 360 this week and send her a link to my amazon wish list... where I made sure that the xbox 360 is at the top.

She calls me on the phone and asks how much is it? Because she doesn't have that much money( ps. she has a house, an apartment in nyc and three cars at last count)....

I called her up tonight a little buzzed, but willing to let her off the hook- when she starts ripping me a new one. She mentions that she emailed me, I told her I hadn't gotten her email even though I had checked my mail ealier... She then starts complaining about how many videos I have on my list... and how LONG my list is. I cut the conversation short as I felt I didn't want to get into this, as I felt she was complaining that I should have like more books( and I do have books on my list... just mostly vids).... and then I read her email.

I will share the cost of that player with your and /or anyone else who is
giving you a gift. I find that $400 is a little steep fo me at this
time.... taxes, maintenance increase etc..... and I cannot go through 9
pages of a wish list. Isn't that a bit greedy? Where do you have room to
put all this stuff....
Love and let me know what you want me to do.
Please make no mistake I am very proud of all that you have accomplished,
but all these tapes and videos ??? I don't get it.
Love you, really I do.
xxMom

WTF?

I think my mom thinks that I actually expect someone to BUY ME EVERYTHING. Doesn't she understand that a wish list, is just that WISHFUL? That I don't expect to get EVERTHING ON THE F'ING LIST?

I mean really. I understand her not wanting to buy me the x-box 360... but to attack me for a 9 page wishlist... wtf?

No memes for the holidays...

I have decided that I'm already burnt out on holiday goodwill and thus I don't plan to do ANY memes until next year.

I just feel that I'll end up being snarky or pissed about them. I already want to kill my manager for singing holiday tunes on a regular basis and I haven't heard him do this for like more then 3 days already.

So go about your meme/ raindeer games and leave me out of it.

Reverse Flu...

I don't know where I read it( because I read alot) but I remember reading once of the "reverse flu" where one feels good for no damn good reason.

I felt good when I got off the train for no darn reason.

My mood was ok, until I got home... and I read Evan's blog.

It's funny but trying to figure out why I was in a good mood dispelled said mood.

Because in my life, all of my 'fun' is escapism.

I was envious of a regular at the game store on Sunday because he's going to London... Nevermind the fact that I went to A'dam in July. Going to Amsterdam was great but a) it feels like it was ages ago... and b) on some level I feel it was a fluke because *I* couldn't afford to go to Amsterdam by myself.

Approaching 40- my life is a sham. None of my accomplishments... are accomplishments because my degrees and my weight loss mean nothing. My manager has a high school diploma, makes more then me and is dining out with his boss and fellow managers... and I'm here in my apartment, watching heroes and for my day off- I'm going by myself to the movies- because I work retail and so I have NO F'ING real weekend.

The Bad Part of T-day...

Well it was a good T-day mini vaca, but I say that because I spent most of the time away from the family; was off Tuesday thru Friday and spent Tuesday and Wednesday by myself in NYC.

The bad part is I spent Friday morning with my mom… and she’s told me that I can’t hang out with Evan. See even though I’ve known Evan for more then six years… my mom has seen through his schemes and realizes he’s a mass murderer.
Yeah, I told my family that I was thinking of going to Ca. next year to visit an internet friend whom I haven’t met, and while there I might visit older bro and or younger depending on where Chico was… ( just googled mapped it and it’s nearer to SF then LA, darn wanted to visit younger bro more then older). And my older brother- being a total jackass later made a joke about how my friend could be an axe murderer. Thanx Jon. So when my mom and I are alone she treats me like a 12 year old girl( no offense to any 12 year old girls out there…. Sure you’re smarter then my mom would give you credit for)… and starts telling me how she’d like give me NO MONEY for the trip… as I know NOTHING about my friend. I point out- I’m an adult. I’ve managed to survive thus far. She continues to be worried and gets mad at me for not realizing that Evan is a mass murderer who’s strung me along for 7 years just to kill me( not her EXACT words but the gist of it). I counter with the fact that she wants me to go on line to get a date, so wtf? (Again not exact words I used but gist). She counters that THAT is of course different as I’d be meeting these girls in control situations. I point out that my sister bummed around Europe and she seemed to have NO PROBLEM with this- she point out that my sister could at least SEE people and decide if they were skuzzy… I, of course, counter that yeah right… because we all know that beautiful people are ALL nice, and you can judge a book by it’s cover. She does a non counter and points out it would be nice for me to visit my older brother… and my older brother’s gal pal likes me. I consider her telling me that my older brother’s gal likes me is like my father telling me that one of the reasons he dated the woman who became his 3rd wife is because SHE liked me; I mean what does that have to do with anything… My mom isn’t asking ME if I like my brother’s gal pal… or if I want to see my new niece/nephew (who btw is due the day after MY b’day though the gal runs on the early side), she’s TELLING me I should see my new niece/nephew and [I think] that I should like my brother’s gal (have I mentioned she’s jewish? Because I do think that has helped my mom like her).
I’ve told her that I’d be willing to get a cell phone if that would put her at ease, but that I wasn’t going to stay at my older brother’s place and force Evan to drive into SF to see me as the POINT of MY TRIP would be to see Evan and his family, not my bro and his family.
So not sure if she’ll help money wise with the trip at this point- which is a shame as I’m not sure if I’m going to have enough $ to do it myself… but I do know that if she tries to forbid me to see Evan, then I’ll tell her that I’m not visiting Jon- as that’s a deal breaker to me.

Oh and she also of course warned me about sharing too much information on the web- because, again, she knows better then I do about what evil pervos there are out in the r/w… so more later after I try to figure out what’s “safe” to share.
;-)

Another Day... Another Quiz ( or two)...

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Anubis Clever, fatalist, deep. Sympathetic, generous, loving and perseverant in proving their view point Colors: male: sienna, female: crimson Compatible Signs: Bastet, Isis Dates: May 8 - May 27, Jun 29 - Jul 13 Role: God of death and mummification Appearance: Jackal or a jackal-headed man Sacred animals: jackal What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign? Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries

My brother, a dad?

I think I mentioned this, but… my older brother is going to be a father. He and his girl friend are going to have a kid. Don’t know if it will be a boy or girl… though I do know it will be a HARRIS- even though they are NOT married.

I’m blogging about this because I’ve just ran into the wall of disapproval from both my father and younger brother- I spoke to them both about things this week. In fact my younger brother made it a point to tell me to call him back TODAY, as he just found out. It seems that J told me FIRST at my younger bro Pete’s wedding… but at the time J just told me he was “trying”.
Both Pete and my dad thought I was being a sport by being “hopefully optimistic”. I told them both that it cost me nothing to be supportive. That my opinion about my older brother having a kid will in no way be affected by my opinion so I’d rather be ‘supportive’ and ‘hopeful’.

My father disapproves because he feels that my older brother doesn’t have a stable job slash life. Heck as I heard my dad go on about my older brother’s faults… I imagined a checklist in my mind and saw that most of what my dad said about my older brother could apply to ME. I don’t see me and my older brother as the same… but of course I could see comparisons... But what I thought was telling, was the fact that my father saw it from a “god, I don’t want to give him money…” as he pointed out that J will have to have a stable job for the next 20 years. I was stupid enough to invite comparisons of my dad and J’s life as J is a lot older then my dad was when he had J… However, dad was married for a year or two and likewise had been with the same company for a few years (he was at the job A LOT longer then he was married to my mom)…
My younger brother… well he told me (who is 8 years his elder and I’m dangerously close to 40) that I didn’t need to have a kid to be a man. Pete seemed very strongly opinionated that this was a bad idea. Again, he found out TODAY and felt the need to talk to me about his feelings. I let him know that I had known for a while, I didn’t tell him that I was the first to know about my brother’s trying- merely dating it about a month ago when J told my mom.

What I feel… well I’m not sure. At first I tried to be upbeat. I tried to feel that perhaps with a kid, my older brother will be more responsible and realize that the decisions he makes affects others. And that I like my sister's kid, so perhaps I'd like and have fun with my brother's....
However when I spoke to my father, I told him something that I hadn’t really admitted to myself until talking to my dad- and don’t plan on telling either of my brothers.

I’m worried for J’s kid because my older brother has a history of bullying. He has physically intimidated and abused me since we were kids. As an adult, even though my mother pointed out it was over a decade ago, he physically threatened me because I didn’t want to see the movie he wanted to see…. Likewise close to 2 decades ago, but still as an ‘adult’ J hit my mom( and my friends find it ironic that even though he hit her J is still the favored son).

I told my dad that I was worried about my older brother’s abusive nature because he asked me my opinion and, though guarded, I gave it to him. I don’t know why I gave my father my opinion… as I fear he’ll tell my brother. I want to say that I’ll keep what my dad said private and hopes he does the same… but the reason I talked to my dad about J’s impending fatherhood is because J had told me that he told dad and told me he didn’t think my dad approved. I thought this was odd as I saw my mom have kittens when she was told. I figured my dad wanted grandkids as much as my mom, if not more… so I was a little surprised.
In the back of my mind I wonder if my dad thinks financially because his current wife is a gold digger and he’s reluctant to give any of us money that he knows he could be spending on her

So I don’t know how I really feel about this. I mean it’s fine to have another niece or nephew and to have the next generation of Harris… but I think my worry about my brother being a good dad is more valid then my father’s worrying about if my older brother is financially up to snuff.
I gotta say I wonder why Pete was so against this. I think Pete’s reasons sound like my dad’s… that J isn’t adult enough for this…

However since I can’t do anything about it I just have to hope for the best…

Thoughts...

There have been a couple of things on my mind to blog about BUT figured I’d just jump in with my trip next week for Turkey Day.

I’m being stupid and spending extra $ to go to NYC. We’re not having Thanksgiving there and haven’t for years, as my mom’s place in the city is too small… But I’m going into the city because I’m jonesing for Popeye’s chicken- which isn’t in Boston but is in NYC. I think this is a stupid reason to go, and there are a couple of others (there are NO toy stores really in Boston) but as a couple of co workers have pointed out- if I had a car, I could find a cheaper way of getting Popeye’s… and prolly a Toys R Us.
But then, and I didn’t tell them this, I’d have to pay ALL the bills for the car AND gas. So it works out A LOT cheaper this way, even if my Dad is making me by his wife a birthday present for the privilege of using his apartment. I was surprised that he was letting me use the apartment as last time my older brother asked- years ago- bro was denied because of the wife… guess that’s why I have to buy the wife a present…

I also thought it was weird in an odd logic loop that I’ve been having; on the one hand I’ve been looking forward to T-day because I feel that I can go “off the diet” if I want and eat whatever I want and my mom can’t say anything because I’m going to be in the best shape of all the guys there (I’m in better shape then my older bro and my step bro- the triathlon runner ain’t gonna be there). But that said on the other hand, I denied myself ice cream on Wednesday, because even though I really was in the mood for ice cream- I knew I’d be going off the diet next week… so I still have checks and balances and even though I know I’m in good shape- I’ve been pushing myself EXTRA hard at the gym this week to get into ULTIMATE shape for t-day (so I then won’t hear crap if I pig out?).
For the first time I actually did a 60 min run. I’d gotten 50 min. before but this week I wanted to see if I could fill an hour with running and I did. I had tried last week- but the problem was lack of music( forgot to recharge my psp) and thus my mind wandered and was more aware of the signals my body was sending it( STOP) but this week I had my psp fully charged and just kept going and going and going… for 1 full hour. Granted I was going for length of time- so I didn’t have the machine for hardest setting, nor do I think I did my best mileage (2.5 miles in 1 hour) but again I ran for an hour and I think that’s something. I’ve also started upping the weights I lift. I wasn’t hitting the gym a lot this summer, my weights didn’t go up much. I also was “getting ready” to meet a new trainer( my original trainer graduated in May) so I wanted to be able to DO the three reps of 10 of whatever weights I was doing, and I know that my lifts sometimes get messy when I increase them… so I didn’t change them a lot this summer… But as I meet my new trainer like two weeks ago, I’ve moved up several of my weights. I was struggling on Wednesday (last day I did weights) but I moved up like 5 of 9 weight exercises I do…. Though I should also admit that one of the remaining 4 was downgraded as she wanted me to do the exercise slightly differently and it’s a little harder her way. Right now I plan to get a little bit more comfortable with the weights I’m now doing before I up any of the remaining 4.
So to end, talking about the weights- my new trainer wondered about my improvement and I took a look at my notes and I realized I’ve been weight training for about a year- 11-10-05, Percentage wise my biggest gain is my biceps curls going from 20 lbs. to 80 lbs.= 300% increase. Weight wise biggest gain is my leg press going from 150 to 250- lifting a 100 lbs. more which is like only a 66% increase. And, what I consider sad, I’m currently only lifting my weight (and/or more) on the previously mentioned leg press…

I look like a man... mostly

Ok... because if both Evan and Aimee do something... I gotta

http://www.myheritage.com

I will mention that I passed up a french actor who I had no clue who he was... and then decided since I was picking already( though I still kept the guy who I most looked like...) I decided to skip over a couple of people who I looked more like to get the Prince in here... because hey I'd rather be a prince of England then John Travolta.
;-)

Not Accomplished...

I don’t think I accomplished much today.

The reason for this is a) I didn’t accomplish much, b) I’m hard on myself and c) I thought about this because I was asked if I could come in today… and didn’t.

First last- I didn’t go in because I wanted to do job search stuff to get a new job.
Also last week- I worked on Halloween because I was asked. Two people were no show- and the reason I was called today is because of the fact that one of last week’s no show decided not to come back from vacation. I thought it was amusing that my supervisor L said that HE would not have come in on his day off. L then asked EVERYONE to cover for him. Instead of flat out refusing him, I asked for specifics- when his next day off was( so I know when “my” day off would be) and what time I would have to be there. I thought it was funny that he told me 9 to 6- and I refused because I didn’t want to get up for work… when he was REALLY scheduled for 8-5 which I guess he knew would totally have been out of the question.
The real humor in this was after trying to get someone else to work for him- he decided to call in sick…
So I don’t feel all that guilty in not showing up… I just wish I had more to show for it.

A- what I did accomplish. I sent out two resumes. I wish I had sent out 20, but I found two good job leads. I figure that’s better then sending NONE out which would’ve been the case if I had gone to work. Actually it was more like 2 ½ as while writing this I just reapplied for a job at MIT. I think I’m overqualified for it… but since it’s $7 an hour more then my current job- I’d take it in a heart beat( even if I did lose my bennies because of it).
B- I went to the gym today. I haven’t been going to the gym nearly as much as I’d like…. Though truth be told, I’m working out more then I’m doing the job search shuffle--- because I can better see the results of a work out( and feel them) then I can sending out resumes. I talked to the trainer and I asked her if I was to hit the gym 3 times a week( which is about what I’m doing these days)… whether it would be better to run or do weights. At this point I’d prefer weights as I want to look buff- but she said switch off. So I normally do weights on Sunday and Wednesday- running on Tuesday… this week I ran on Sunday and did weights today. I was very happy that I finally changed my chest press weight and felt good doing the extra 10 lbs( I’m now up to 140)… but I thought it was funny that when I did my leg press- I thought I could kick that up a notch as well… which I did. I say funny because I’ve notice that while my chest press has been the hardest to up, leg press is the easiest. I think that’s because of a positive feedback loop because when I’m running I’m using my legs… so even on the days that I’m not LIFTING with legs, I’m still exercising them. Oh and leg press is up to 250. So I can’t chest press myself yet but I can leg press more then ME.
C- Sims Pets. I played around with it for an hour or two… teaching my GLC cat how to use the potty. Below is a picture of the cat… As I named Guy’s kid Ch’p, It was sort of hard to name the cat- but I named the cat G’norm. As I really felt that G’nort would have to be a dog… and I had a cat. I also downloaded a few things for Sims while searching for the two jobs I found. I asked for help so I could make Beast and Wolfsbane werewolves… I didn’t find quite the cheat I was looking for--- but people did help me.




That’s about it. OH! And more important (mayhaps) then all the above- I voted. After watching Hacking Democracy, I’m not sure if my scan vote will be counted or not… but better to try and fail then never to have tried.
So now I’m blogging about this less then steller day( I still haven’t showered… and I should’ve after the gym/lunch), and then I’m going to start watching the second season of Deadwood( which I found used semi recently)….

That’s it. Hope the rest of you Americans voted.

Re sharing...

I wanted to mention a couple of things that came up in my confab with Kel when he visited. First Kel brought his Superman costume and before we went out... we visited one of his co-workers who had brought his kid.
I mentioned to the co-worker, in semi passing, that here in Boston we have RANDOM bag checks and I'm against them.

**I should mention that I'm against random bag checks because I read subversive books like Al Franken and I want to be able to buy porn downtown without some cop finding it.**

However when I mentioned this to Kel's co-worker... He pointed out something that I sort of forget. I'm of middle eastern descent. I consider myself of Russian desenent as my ancestors all came from Russia( great grammy was a menshavik)... but if you go back far enough I have middle eastern roots because jews are Semitic, as are arabs because we are all desendent of Shem.

Heck, I know that I wrote in my blog over a year ago- when I was working at Staples- that one of my Staples co-workers mentioned when I had a beard that I looked Middle Eastern... I told him that's because my ancestors are Middle Eastern and that conversation spiraled down from there.

So when they do racial profiling... I'm more likely to get a bag check then ____( fill in the blank with someone you know with good european stock)

-------------

I also wanted to mention, I forgot how it came up in conversation.... but I think I've told people here, my Dad is obssesed with his own mortality. His father( my grandfather) died in HIS 50's, my dad being arround 18, and his mom about a year later. My grandmother( who my middle name comes from- she was H. Rose Swartz- my middle name is Ross from Rose) died about a year later. As a kid I was told she "wasted away"... as an adult, I figured this MIGHT be code for "sucide" so I asked both my mom and one of my dad's cousins... both agreed that grandmother killed herself.

What I didn't share with Kel, is that I had read a year or two ago- someone don't remember who- saying that suicide is heridary. Which at the time I thought was stupid because if I killed myself, I wouldn't have kids... but then a month or two after reading that I remembered my grandmother had killed herself, and even though I never meet her- whether that might have anything to do with MY suicidal tendencies. I rather doubt it though, as I consider my depression to be mental( my stupid f'ing job) and not chemical( though my older brother I was told by one of my parents has taken meds for brain problems).

Words fail me... but my anger remains...

I'm too f'ing tired to deal with the crap on the airwaves right now.

I'm pissed at Kerry for opening his piehole( and I say this because I *truly* feel Kerry did this because Bill Clinton has been making the news, and helping canidates, so Kerry spoke because he wanted to stay "relevent")...

And I'm pissed at our media for doing the repugs work....
CNN called a guy who wanted to SPEAK to a canidate a PROTESTER.
Watch this video... I don't see see the guy PROTESTING.... He doesn't have a sign nor is he screaming at Allen.



He is however being assalted... and camera crews are just letting the "secret service" or Allen's rent-a-thugs get away with it. If I was that guy I'd sue.


I liked this ad and I think this really is what the democrats SHOULD say.


Of course at this point, I'd consider myself lucky if for the first time in 16 odd years Ma. elects a democratic Govenor. Even if he is FOR RAPE.

All Hallow's

Didn't find this until today but Whoa Momma!



It almost makes me want to buy a Heroclix Galactus Base... take the Big G off... and find someone who'll do this costume for a Cygirl figure for me.
*wicked grin*