Messages in Bottles

Parents... leading cause of Insanity

2009-03-10T11:34:00.001-04:00

Ok… I need advice on how to currently deal with my father… And I’m not sure of my therapist right now.
Basically my therapist and I have both told my father conflicting availabilities… I’ve mentioned that I work 3-11pm and can’t do afternoons. My Dad ‘got’ this… what my father seemed to have missed is my therapist can NOT do mornings. So my Dad keeps trying to suggest mornings.
I spoke about this with my therapist this past Saturday- because quite frankly I wouldn’t mind if my therapist reminded my Dad about this… I didn’t tell my therapist that- merely that I was getting tired of my Dad suggesting a day here or there that was good for MY DAD… and my therapist not responding to these requests. My therapist is annoyed that my Dad doesn’t realize that my therapist can’t do mornings… and I feel a bit caught in the middle--- which is NOT a place I want to be.
I suggested, half hearted, that I give my Dad a clue… but to be frank, I’ve been dealing with work and at this point would rather NOT deal with my father..

SO right now I’ve told my father that March wasn’t good for me and we’d talk about April LATER. And I’m left wondering at what point I just clue my Dad in and say ‘SATURDAYS, DAD! Suggest a F***ing Saturday.
--
As far as my mom goes… Oy! I want to see her and my nephews for Passover and have asked for Wednesday, first night of Passover AND Tuesday off. My mom has matinee tickets to a play of some sort (forget) on Wednesday- so I was trying to plan my trip around that. Well, I talked to my mom this AM. My brain wasn’t fully functional but I wanted to let her know I asked for Tuesday and Wednesday off- and told work that I could work Palm and Easter Sundays if they needed.
My mom then informed me that she would NOT have my nephews over at HER apartment for Passover… They’re too loud and her apartment is TOO SMALL for them. AND since we’re going to a play- she doesn’t want to drive to my step-sister’s house in upstate New York.
So, I’m going to a play that I could care less about… and might NOT get to see my nephews. Bummer. Even though my mind wasn’t fully up… (and I told my mom this) I told my mom that IF I got Tuesday off- I’d travel to my sister’s place on Tuesday and then come in to NYC with her husband on Wednesday… as that would still put me in the city earlier then if I just had Wednesday off- and then I’d be able to spend SOME time with my nephews.
However that said this will be the first time at my new job that I’ve asked for time off- and since it’s NOT retail… not sure how it works there or IF I’ll get the days off (though I did tell them I need the days off for PASSOVER- so they’d know it was for religious reasons)

Historic Books

2009-03-03T09:03:00.000-05:00

Book 2- Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin – Ok this book came HIGHLY recommended… And it was a nice BIG book which I thought was good for work. I thought it was very well written. (And yes- it MIGHT be considered amusing that I finished it on President’s Day).
To me, the most interesting NEW fact that I learnt was the fact that Booth tried to have a couple of co-conspirators kill the Secretary of State- Steward and Vice President Johnson the same night he killed Lincoln…. Of course since I didn’t know that- the other two weren’t successful- but it was interesting to find out how large a vision Booth had.

Book 3- Devil in the White City by Eric Larson. This was a historical book about Daniel H. Burnham- the Director of works for the 1893 Chicago World’s fair AND H.H. Holmes( born Herman Webster Mudgett) the first American serial killer…who ‘worked’ in Chicago during the 1890’s.
I want to start by saying like Team of Rivals, I found Devil in the White City both interesting AND informative. I was amazed at the details of HH Holmes- especially as his ‘body count’ was MUCH higher then Jack the Ripper, yet more is made of Jack. I assume this is because a- Jack seemed to be more flamboyant… and b) the whole mystery angle of ‘who was Jack?’ whereas we know whom HH Holmes was, and the question is merely how many people did he actually kill.
That said- as interesting as HH Holmes, was reading about the 1893 World’s Fair… like learning that the Ferris Wheel, was invented by a Mr. Ferris, debuted at the 1893 World’s fair. I also was amused that Fredrick Olmsted was mentioned- as I know him as the ‘creator’ of Central Park in New York City and the Emerald Necklace in Boston… as well as helping design the White City aka- the Chicago 1893 World’s Fair.

Book 4- The Man from the Diogenes Club by Kim Newman. I say this was an Austin Powers meets John Constantine. Kim Newman mentions in the afterword that he introduced Richard Jeperson( the ‘man’ from the Diogenes Club) for an anthology called Dark Detectives: Adventures of the Supernatural Sleuths as a 70’s supernatural spy… Newman had created Richard Jeperson and his ‘Mrs. Steed’ Vanessa many years ago… but they hadn’t seen print YET.
The book is a collection of short stories (none of which I had read before) about Richard Jeperson- ranging from the truly bizarre of a James Bond type villain who wants to ‘remake the world’ to the macabre with a haunted killer train. I really liked this book and would recommend it.

Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips. Not much to say about this book. I borrowed it from the library, because it LOOKED amusing, but not amusing enough to buy. I’m glad I didn’t buy it as it was a quick read( about a day) and not all that amusing. It was about the Greek Gods, who live in a flat altogether in London. I think the two things that I found the most annoying is the set up that they were the ONLY Gods around (we didn’t hear about any other pantheons) AND that Eros is a Christian. It just bothered me Eros going around wishing he had meet Jesus… and him trying to talk a couple of the other gods to be good Christians.

New Book Review

2009-02-15T18:43:00.000-05:00

Been Ages since I did my book reports… *but* wasn’t that great a reader in ’08… I blame facebook, job search, and some other stuff… I might have missed a book or 2 in 08 but want to post this today along with the book I read in 09. I figure with my new job( averaging about 100 pages a day) I’ll get back to the 40 odd books I read in 07.
And as usual- I promise to blog more ;-) This is especially true as I didn’t review some of these books RIGHT AFTER I read them, I just wrote down the names (hence might be missing a book or 2 and the ‘reviews’ might suck a bit)

Book 12- Don Quixote by Cervantes. Ok- first it took me a LONG time to read this book- not just because I paused to read some library books. It was a thousand pages, and dense. It was VERY different from the Musical- the biggest difference is that Don Quixote never actually gets face time with Aldonza / Dulcinea. I also was surprised that there were a lot of stories that Don Quixote ‘heard’ but wasn’t a part of…. Which was another problem I had in getting ‘into’ this book… the fact that Don Quixote kept hearing OTHER people’s stories and their romantic woes.
I liked it- I’m glad I read it… but I don’t think I’ll be reading it again… Meanwhile I have to find MY copy of Man of LaMancha to watch again.
Oh and of course, after finishing Don Quixote I started reading and finishing books left and right to ‘catch up’ to where I SHOOD be.
;-)

Book 13- Soon I will be Invincible by Austin Grossman. I thought this was an interesting book. It was told from two different points of views- alternating chapters between the SUPER VILLAIN of the story, and a noob super heroine who joins the TOP superhero team… to take down the previously mentioned Super Villain.
I found it interesting in how the Super Villain just wanted to be ‘TAKEN SERIOUSLY’ and is peeved that his ‘arch nemesis’ doesn’t

Book 14- The Android’s Dream by John Scalzi
This was given to me by a friend who’s fond of a) detective novels and b) Blade Runner. The title is of course rifting on the title of the book Blade Runner is based on. It was ok… I mean it was based on a simple joke- so it was a nice fluff book.

Book 15- The Blue-Haired Bombshell by John Zakour. This is the latest in a series that includes such books as The Plutonium Blonde, The Doomsday Brunette, The Radioactive Redhead and The Frost-Haired Vixen. What sort of bothered me about this book- is even though it’s part of a ‘series’… for all the other books, you didn’t have to read the PREVIOUS book(s) to understand what was going on… Whereas this book relied heavily on ‘what had gone before’…. And since I hadn’t read the previous books in YEARS, I felt a little lost- and I blame the author for that.
That said- I did enjoy the book. It was a nice science fiction hard boiled detective novel.

Book 16- The Automatic Detective by A. Lee Martinez. Ok this was a GREAT book. It merges the pulp detective novel with the pulp science fiction. Our hero is a robot, a big clunky thing that describes a 50’s world with 50’s science fiction stuff… One of the things that amused me greatly was when he saw his ‘therapist’ and they had a COMPUTER in their home.
;-)

Book 17- The Great Derangement- Matt Taibbi. This was an interesting book… talking about the far left and far right wings of the United States… NOT about the ‘leaders’ so much as the followers. I think he spent more time on the Mega Church goers then the 9/11 conspiracy nuts….But really he gets to the idea, that in this day and age- people are NOT looking to the government for answers. He also points out that no matter WHAT you believe in, you’ll be able to find a group that agrees with you on the internets.

Book 18-Nightlife by Rob Thurman. This was given to me by a friend. I’m sort of on the fence about it( and wish that I had written a review of it AFTER I read it). It’s about a teenager who’s ½ human, ½ Grendel… Grendal being what our main character and his half brother (who’s ALL human) call the monsters from another world. The biggest problem I had was I felt that the ending didn’t resolve what I considered a MAJOR plot thread. Won’t say what it was, as I don’t want to spoil it… but did feel I had to point it out to the friend who gave it to me.

19-The Science Fiction Hall of Fame- Volume II A- This was a really good selection of old/classic Science Fiction short stories. It included Who Goes there( which movie The Thing was based on), The Time Machine- which I felt was worth a re-read, The Folded Hands which I thought was an interesting flip side of the idea of machines ‘helping’ humanity, and the Marching Morons which I thought was a great classic novella that I had NEVER read before.

2009
Book 1- Awesome Comic Fantasy by Various. I read this my first week of work. I found it a sub par collection of short stories. I brought to work because a) I found it on my shelf and b) I figured better to start my job with a collection of short stories that I could put down as needed then a real novel. Put Back that Universe by F Gwynplaine MacIntyre was one of the few stories that I actually enjoyed and might look to see what else the author wrote. And considering there was a story by John Cleese- that’s saying a mouthful. The other story I want to mention was by Cherith Baldry… The story was ok BUT her bio says she’s a librarian and former teacher AND she has written stories about King Arthur… so hoping Adj. can say if Cherith’s books are worth checking out.

Oh and due to the job- have put about 4 books 'on hold' for myself at the BPL. They don't have the books IN- but when they do, I'm on the list.

New Jorb

2009-02-07T19:50:00.001-05:00

Ok. I’ve been working there for about a week and I figured it was about time to give a bit of info about it.
Job Title: Security Officer
Location: Downtown Boston. I take the train to and fro work. It’s a nice short commute.
Hours: 3pm to 11pm
Co-Workers: I have 2 regular co-workers; J. whom I relieve at 3pm; and D. who relieves me at 11pm. (more about them a bit later)
Duties: I walk the line… Um. I sit/stand at a security desk for a few hours. The cleaners come, I give them their keys. When they’re done cleaning, I count the keys to make sure they haven’t stolen any. I do a round (or two- wanna be a little vague here.) of the building. I do the round to make sure that there’s nothing burning or leaking or otherwise out of place.
So-
Actual Job: most of my time is me at the security desk doing NOTHING! And hoping to do nothing- which is to say I’m there IN CASE of an emergency- but the company is being preventive… hence the rounds.
So a good chunk of my ‘job’ is sitting/standing at the front of the lobby. I finished a book this week--- first I think of the year—and I think I’ll get a good amount read.

My feelings: Ok, I wish there was a bit more human interaction BUT that said- I prefer this job already to my last full time job at the gift store. I don’t have to deal with LOUD whiny kids. I don’t have to push any products to try and ‘justify’ my salary. I’m allowed to read (so long as it is after hours n’ stuff).
I like the 7am-3pm guy. I think he wants to be my ‘mentor’ or otherwise ‘help’ me. Which is ok, I guess. I prefer him to the 11pm to 7am person. Let’s just say that I can NOT give her the keys, I have to place them on the desk… as well the keys/me are unclean.

I think the job is pretty straight forward. Actually the oddest thing is having not only A weekend- but THE weekend off- I have Saturday and Sunday off… which also means that Wednesday is indeed hump day. After working most my life in retail it’s an odd feeling.
Though then again the flip side is that I work 3pm-11pm- so I go to bed shortly after coming home from work… and will have to figure out what to do with my day BEFORE work( besides skype, facebook and netflix).
Any Questions?

Looking for Work in all the wrong places

2009-01-30T12:03:00.001-05:00

So my second day of training at the new job went better- BUT.

I think as I tried to go to sleep yesterday- and it was darn hard to go to sleep (and I woke up WAY too early today), I realized my problem(s)
My main problem- and the one I wanted to blog about is I figured last night- very unscientifically- that out of the 5+ billion people on Earth- there are maybe 1 billion people who have a crappy job for crappy money. Heck 2/3rds most likely have a crappier job then my new one.
Then I figure there’s got to be like a million people who have a job they like and look forward to. Again this is total shot in the dark. But I figure that for every person who likes their job- there’s like a thousand who don’t.
And call me a selfish self centered egoist… BUT I want to BE one of those million people who have a job he likes. I don’t HAVE to be someone who has a GOOD job AND a GOOD paycheck to go with it… ( though that would be ideal), just something that makes me not wake up and go ‘ugh!”

Or to put it another way- it’s sorta hard for me to care that much about life right now if I have a sucky job that doesn’t pay well.

And my last wallowing- is the fact that I spent an hour or two checking about health insurance. See my new job provides health insurance BUT it’s going to go from costing nothing to see my therapist (because I is dirt poor) to $35 a session. I wanted to keep Commonwealth Cares( the state insurance) but have confirmed that if my employer PROVIDES health insurance- I have to take it.

Ok- more perhaps later… just felt I wanted to share… so you all can call me on my wallowing.

Yesterday

2009-01-28T14:49:00.001-05:00

Before I talk about my new job…
The usual caveat- I’m not going to name the company I’m working for, or the site that I’m working at.
The reasoning for this is a) have found that employers are in the habit these days of googling prospective employees. And while I doubt this blog can be found… the less ammo I give, the better and b) I did sign a document saying I would NOT bad mouth the company… and so want to cover my butt.

Now that said- I felt the day started out in the hole. I was only hired last week and already I have a ‘history’ with them… that put me in a bad frame of mind when I showed up for work. Last Friday (1/23), I was called as Supervisor P wanted to set up training with me. I told him that I would NOT be able to show up for training as I had to work at the game store. P got angry- pointing that I was starting work on Monday (1/26) so when did I EXPECT to do training. I retorted that I had given the game store TWO WEEKS NOTICE, so I would not start until Monday Feb. 2nd. P then asked me WHOM had I told that I was starting Feb. 2nd? as he seemed convinced that I was starting on the 26th. I told him I told this to the woman who offered me the job (office assistant?) when I was hired. P did NOT take my word for it- but put me on hold and confirmed my story…
I then called P THIS Monday (1/26) to fix a schedule for me to train. P wanted me to come in for an Afternoon training- and I told him the only day I’d be able to do that was yesterday- as that was my day off from the game store- all other nights, I’d have to be at the game store by 6pm. So we agreed Tuesday at 1pm at the company’s office- as I still did NOT know where I would be actually working.

So I’m de-thawing lunch, and am on FB (of course) at 10:45 when I get a call from the security company… A guy there asks me why I’m not at the office as I’m SUPPOSE to be there at 10:30. I tell this person that I was scheduled for 1pm to 4pm. This person, who’s name I forget… then tells me he has to talk to P., I guess to ‘confirm’ my story as P. did. Once my story is confirmed, I’m told to show up at 1pm.
SO- I’m having a melt down. Pure and Simple. I called my step sister because I figured she’d be around and she’d be able to talk me down/have words of wisdom… Ok, will admit I called my therapist first- who wasn’t around… BUT since I had a limited amount of time to ‘cool down’ and figure things out- my sister was as good a resource as any.
She did indeed give me good advice… which included getting P’s email address, which I didn’t realize I had on his card… and making SURE that I didn’t blame anyone for the ‘mix up’
So when I finally see P, I get there before he does, I ask him for his email so this type of mix up doesn’t happen again. As my sister suggested I don’t point fingers, or get angry, I just try to present it as- I’d like your email so I can double check things with you in the future. P sorta admits that it was HIS fault…. And we basically go from there.
I was shown the building I’m going to be guarding… because it’s a) it’s a business and b) I’m the 3pm-11pm shift… I’ll be more of a security guard then a concierge that I thought I might be.
Sadly while I was being given the ‘grand tour’… while I’m trying to keep track of everything… well I was sorta in a bad frame of mind… just being depressed because of the TYPE of job I had.

Anyhoo- things worked out ok… P didn’t blame me for the two mix ups. I still have the job… I have to stay on site for dinner BUT I will be ‘allowed’ to read during the ‘non peak’ hours( 7-11… excluding the two patrols I have to make).
I have a full time job, which in this economy means something…

So yesterday, while I don’t think was too bad from their pov- wasn’t the greatest in mind- BUT I think I just need to get in the right frame of mind and stop wallowing. I also need to stop worrying too much about things- like my sleep schedule… ( afraid that I’m going to wake up at 7am and then have to be up until midnight) and the gym( also not sure I can hit the gym AND then work 8 hours).

I Watch Too Much Television Meme

2009-01-27T20:48:00.002-05:00

1. Bold the shows you watch/used to watch regularly.
2. Italicize the shows you've seen at least one episode of.
3. Asterisk the shows you own on DVD (at least one season).
4. Post your answers.

50. Quantum Leap
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City
45. *Farscape*
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek (TOS)
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers
40. *Life on Mars*
39. *Monty Python*
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted
35. Alias
34. Frasier
33. CSI Las Vegas
32. *Babylon 5*
31. *Deadwood*
30. *Dexter*
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. *Red Dwarf*
25. *Futurama*
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office
22. The Shield
21. *Angel*
20. *Blackadder*
19. *Scrubs*
18. Arrested Development
17. *South Park*
16. *Dr Who*
15. Heroes
14. *Firefly*
13. Battlestar Galactica
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld
10. *Spaced*
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire
07. Friends
06. 24
05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. *Buffy the Vampire Slayer*
01. The Simpsons

New Job

2009-01-27T08:41:00.000-05:00

Ok I started this morning by wanting to write SOMETHING here… and talk about my anxiety about my new job. The fact that I don’t really want it… That the game store is getting to be a MAJOR pain, because it’s hard working for a good friend as your manager (especially when you’re better organized then him) And of course, that I woke up too early this morning- with an upset stomach.

Well after thinking about it- I suck at job searches, it is way too easy for me to get distracted (I’m talking about you- Facebook) and disappointed about either how OVER or UNDER qualified for a job I am.

Yes, I don’t feel a 100% today, yes because of the new job I have 2 six ‘day work weeks… AND not happy that I’ll have to pay more for medical insurance because I’ll HAVE more $ coming in.
BUT
This is a new job. It’s outside of retail- which is perhaps a step in the right direction. It’s a 40 hour a week job AND I was promised that I’d be getting weekends off… which is something nice. AND in this economy- getting a better paying full time job is a good thing.

So I’m going to get some Tums, hope they settle my stomach and TRY to get in a good head space before I have to show up for training at 1pm.

thoughts on today's job offer

2009-01-20T20:44:00.001-05:00

Ok- so I was offered a new job today. I took it because it’s full time… So I get more hours/more money AND benefits.

I was a bit hesitant about taking it because I heard my mom’s voice in the back of my head. See when I told her this weekend, I was going on a second meeting with this company… She reminded me of how my last ‘job’ worked out- How I was not even able to stay there a week because it was SO TOXIC to me… and how it spun me into a tailspin of depression. I did NOT need her reminding me of this.
So when they called me and offered me the job, I was a bit more non committal then I felt I should be. I put off telling them EXACTLY when I would start, saying that I needed to talk to my current manager to talk about giving my notification.
I talked to my current manager- who is also one of my best friends. He was glad for me and told me in no uncertain terms if things didn’t work out- I could have my job back.
So with the idea that I could get hours from the game store if I need them- because again the manager is a GOOD friend… I called the new company and accepted the job.

I then spoke to my mom- letting her know that I didn’t need/want the money for the Ca. trip now, as I would have to put the trip off. She sounded a bit nervous- AGAIN bringing up the other job, and how bad it was for me. I pointed out to her, as I did above, that I had a back up plan… and that should things not work out- I can still get hours from the game store…

I just found it odd in a bad way that I had to hold my mom’s hand through this, when I think it should’ve been the reverse. Instead of making sure SHE was o.k. I would’ve liked it if she gave ME a pep speech about how this will be different.

*sigh* I’m just saying…

Fridging...

2009-01-07T14:51:00.002-05:00

Ok- so at this point in time, I do NOT actually read comics… I go to a website to keep up with what’s happening in comics because I have a morbid curiosity.
The reason I feel a need, again, to vent about the comic book industry is what Dan Slott is doing on the Avengers. I want to mention that I loved his She Hulk… I thought Jen was Smart, Sassy and INTERESTING…Though that said- his explanation of Jen sleeping with Juggernaut was Continuity Porn.
I read this weekend a couple of pages of his Avengers (forgot if they were Mighty or New)- and he totally fridged Tigra… not that Tigra needed any MORE help being destroyed.

Tigra was created in the 70’s to appeal to ‘female audiences’… A lot of minority heroes were created in the 70’s to ‘balance’ comics. I was introduced to her in the 80’s when she joined the Avengers and was- at that point the only female member of the team. Like many of the female Avengers- she didn’t have as much name recognition as the guys (Right now I think Spider-Girl has had the longest running comic for a Marvel female) but she had guts and wanted to prove herself to the ‘big boys’… And was able to ‘defeat’ the Molecule Man by talking him down- AND not beating him up.
Because Byrne didn’t like Tigra- when he took over the West Coast Avengers, he ended up having Tigra go ‘into heat’ and turning her into a housecat for part of his run.

So like most female characters- she was marginalized and sexualized as the writers needed.
She also had an on again, off again relationship with Hank Pym… aka the wife beater.

So Tigra of course found out that she’s PREGNANT… because really what can writers do to female characters save for a) making them objects of desire, b) raping them and/or c) making them pregnant.
I say and/or because Tigra was knocked up NOT by Hank Pym BUT by a skrull pretending to be Pym- which is rape in my book.
Ah but it gets better… Because Tigra is a cat like critter, Slott made sure the reader understood that Tigra MIGHT have a litter of Skrull babies/kittens.

So after reading the scene- where the artist shows us Tigra’s nightmare of giving birth to a litter of skrull kittens… Somebody posts it to a livejournal… and the fans, correctly imho, call this a fridge story.
Slott comes onto the forums and defends it as “drama”… which I call B.S. on because how come we’ve never read a story where Tony gets sued for child support??! I mean if Tigra getting knocked up is drama, then wouldn’t Tony knocking a girl up after a drunken bender be EQUALLY dramatic.
The other reason I hate this story- is because a) I don’t see Marvel allowing Tigra to actually have an abortion( miscarriages in comics are ok- abortions, not so much) and b) no matter HOW GOOD Slott writes the pregnancy… eventually a crap writer is going to get ahold of Avengers… and we’ll then have to read cringe worthy stories of Tigra and her kittens…

Still a putz

2008-12-30T16:23:00.001-05:00

Ok… So to continue the thread of setting up a meeting with my Dad- I basically mailed my Dad a letter written by my therapist. I noticed that my therapist did NOT suggest specific days… as he wanted to leave it open to my Dad. So on the 24th, my Dad emailed me

“I think you see him on Wednesdays and the first Wednesday I'm free is Jan 21. I'm also available on 1/28 and 2/4. It gets harder after that because I'll be doing some traveling so it would be good to make one of those days work if possible.”

I should mention that he called my therapist by the wrong name--- and while I do NOT meet my therapist on the EXACT day every week- I didn’t feel the need to clear this up with my dad.

After talking to my therapist today I emailed my Dad that the 28th at 4pm seemed to be good for my therapist…. And while I did NOT confront him with the fact that he called my therapist by the wrong last name- I did make sure that I mentioned my therapist’s last name when saying he (my therapist) wanted the 28th at 4pm.
My Dad responded today said

“I've just had some work things come up that make meeting in January difficult. So let's shoot for February or March or later in the year.”

He goes on to say:

I'd like to talk to Dr. {wrong last name again} before we meet so I feel a bit prepared. Please give him my e mail address so he can contact me before we meet.”

WTF?

This letter angered me on several of the usual levels:
1)Considering I told my Dad I was sorta tired of him ‘fitting me in when he wasn’t busy with Ro…” I find this annoying that we started with HIS SCHEDULE- which he then changed in less then a week without telling me.
2)He doesn’t seem to take the trouble to ACTUALLY read my notes… as I use the correct last name of my therapist and he does NOT.
3)He once again is trying to make an end run and get access to my therapist without MY consent. Notice he does NOT ask ME whether it would be ok with ME if he talked to my therapist… He simply states ‘his’ logic and expects me to follow through.

I really feel that my Dad is just showing me what an IDIOT he is… and helping to reinforce the idea that I want to stay away from him… especially as I want to start THINKING of visiting my nieces (and clan Peterson) sometime in Feb/March.

Fallout

2008-12-19T11:40:00.001-05:00

Ok- since I wrote about my letter to my Dad (no X-Mas for YOU) I feel I owe it to write about the responses I got

Step Sister- Though I ‘drunkly’ left messages for my two brothers on Saturday night… I talked to her first on Sunday AM- as my brothers live in Ca. She was VERY supportive. I told her straight away a) Not to tell my mom--- as I didn’t want her to find out until I was ready to deal with my mom. B) could I still show up on X-mas day at HER house and just skip my Dad’s… I asked this because I knew she’d have her mom’s side of the family there( and I thought her in-laws)… and I didn’t want to mess with THEIR time with my step sister and her sons… but I did want to see my nephews for X-mas.
She understood that my Dad is a putz, wants to see me for the holiday AND is totally fine with me bringing my menorah to light with the boyz( as she’s like ½ Jewish- her kids ¼)

½ Brother- Normally I try to call him my “younger” brother BUT I feel that I need to call him my half for this post.
See we ended up having words. I will admit that I was bad- I basically drunk called him on Saturday night to complain about Dad. Bro didn’t answer, I left a message and THEN I disconnected my phone- because I really didn’t want to talk--- I just wanted to go to bed. In hindsight it was stupid to call him and leave a message telling him I wouldn’t be there for X-mas and then NOT responding to him calling me back about 10 min. later.
That said- a) His complaining that I was making it HARDER for him to see me… just filled me with meh. Basically I boiled it down to- he was arguing that I should deal with my Dad and my Dad’s wife… because it would make easier for HIM to see ME. And I was like… um, no.
b) And this is why I say- he’s my HALF brother… He had the nerve to tell me that NOBODY loves me as much as our Dad. WTF?
I called BS! on him. Letting him know that he did NOT know my mom or really half of my family… so how could he say that? The best he could say is my Dad loves me more then HE does.
We got into a bit of a heated exchange on Sunday- but I did talk to him later in the week( he called me) and we SEEM to be ok. Not sure when I’m going to see him next BUT he at least is sorta PRETENDING to understand- even if he doesn.t

My Older Brother- He got it right away. He was pretty supportive. He did ask me for the note I sent to my Dad… and the letter I got from my Dad’s wife in response to it… but I told him I’d prefer not to share that.
I also found out from my older brother that my father’s wife had a 70th birthday party for Dad- and did NOT invite ANY of us kids- i.e. Me, my older brother or my ½ brother… never mind the fact that a) my older brother asked her MONTHS ago if she wanted to do something special for the 70th b’day and b) my ½ brother was actually here on the East Coast for our Dad’s 70th.

My mom- Ok, this was a bit awkward. I meant to call her on Tuesday AFTER I spoke to my therapist- maybe that was using him as a crutch- but I really was NOT looking forward to talking to her about this. My step sister called me on Monday and told me she had heard from my Mom that MOM knew about this- and was only concerned with whether she (Mom) was still going to see me the day after X-mas.
The way things have worked for the past few years( even if my Dad doesn’t remember) IS- I go to my dad’s X-mas day, via Amtrak, hang out with Dad + Dad’s side of the family AND THEN Dad drives me to my step sister’s place where I spend the night… and then see my mom the next day as she gets some post X-mas time with the family.
My mom however called me BEFORE I went to my therapist… and I think it was awkward because we both wanted the other to go first. She went first and said basically that she was saddened by this BUT she understood and wouldn’t pressure me.
I also thought it was amusing because SHE thought that my problem with my Dad was NOT being invited to his 70th… She had NOT heard about what happened Saturday… and yeah I told her. She was suitably peeved… but then again my Mom holds grudges and so often likes griping about my Dad/his OTHER wives.
So my Mom was supportive- but making sure SHE gets time with me. I thought it was a tad amusing that she even tried to bribe me to see her on X-mas, by saying that if I was with her on X-mas… she’d make me latkas… which she often kvetches about how annoying they are to make.

My dad and his current wife sent me email responses. I should mention that I did NOT send a copy of my letter to him to her…
I brought all 3 letters to my therapist because I figured it would be better for him if rather then if I said- “my Dad’s letter said x” if the therapist could read ACTUALLY what was said. I also felt this was ok- because if my Dad could share MY letter with his wife- then I could share THEIR letters with my therapist.
My therapist said that my letter was a big F YOU! to my Dad… I didn’t realize how angry my letter was to him… but understand how it ended up that way as I was a bit drunk, tired and pretty angry.
He felt that my Dad’s wife’s letter was a big F YOU TOO!
And finally my Dad’s letter- while being a tad manipulative- my therapist pointed out that my Dad WAS WILLING to meet with the therapist.
Which my therapist wants.

I should also mention that when I mentioned the fact that Dad seems willing to meet with my therapist- both my brothers thought I should take him up on it… as they both hope for reconciliation between the two of us. To be honest, I’m putting off writing my Dad about taking him up on his offer.
I’m putting it off for two reasons- the first is to make sure of my motives…. As when I first thought about my Dad meeting my therapist; I really thought of this meeting as a) to prove to my therapist what a putz my Dad is… AND b) instead of reconciliation- maybe to have this meeting for ‘closure’… which I think is not the best way to go into this sort of thing.
The second reason to put this off--- is because I sort of want the therapist to read the note I send my Dad- IF I were to send him one.
I say I want him to proofread the note- partly to put off sending such a note to my Dad… and partly because I feel that my Dad’s wife will read it and tear it apart… so I want to make sure I write what I mean.

That’s it for now… spent a good amount of time writing this but thought it was important. If I tell you guys news- I should follow it up and keep you informed.

Cancelled Christmas

2008-12-13T22:40:00.001-05:00

I don’t know if I just did the right thing… but I did something bold a few minutes ago.

I emailed my dad and told him I wasn’t coming to his place for Christmas. I’m going to have to call my step-sister and figure out logistics… and I’ve called my half brother to let him know… and expect an earful from him… but I really can’t deal with my dad

Or I should say- I don’t WANT to deal with my dad anymore.

I had a bad day and I feel UTTERLY used by my dad- and I don’t think that’s a “normal” relationship.

Here’s what happened in a nutshell:

My father’s current wife is an author- she had an “event” about a 20 min. drive from Boston. My father odds are knew about this event several days in advance but called ME at about 10 am. He told me that it was COLD outside. That he was about a 20 min drive from Boston- and he’d like to drive in with the DOG- because he brought the dog to the event… and see me for lunch, while Rosemary did this event. The dog was emphasized in my father’s call because it was COLD and he wanted to keep the dog warm. He felt rather then just leave the dog in the car- he’d DRIVE the car to me, we’d leave the dog in the warm car, and then take the dog for a walk.
Oddly before I called back- I was downstairs doing laundry when he called- and then was locked out of my apartment… I called work to see if my dad had called there… He had… so I called my dad and against my better judgment I agreed.
This was about noon… he then called me at about 1 pm. Said that the lunch was a go and would call me when he got to my street. When he got to my street- I went down to meet him…
He then “suggested” that instead of going to the park- again a block away from me… or any of the good restaurants near me… that we would drive BACK to the town where his wife was doing the event… have lunch there- and then take the dog for a walk.
I, being the twit that I am, agreed…
The highlight, to me, was the fact that he had a gps that ‘gave’ him directions- and he occasionally swore at it- as the directions sometimes seemed to leave a little to be desired.
When we got to the town- he sighted a Mexican place- and I suggested we go there. I made this suggestion because a) I like Mexican and b) I wanted to have a LITTLE input.
So we ate at the Mexican place… and towards the end of the meal- he gets a call from his wife… SO we jump back into the car and he drives me back to Boston…. Because ya know- his wife needed him

And I just feel USED that the only reason my dad had lunch with me was that his wife was too busy.

And because of that- I have decided… I’m not going to go to his house for Christmas. Maybe this is because I had a crappy night’s sleep last night… and I expect a worse one tonight--- BUT I think it’s because I’ve had enough of my dad and being second fiddle to the women he’s married to.
I didn’t tell my dad this face to face- because I’m a wuss… I just emailed my dad… And I called my younger brother telling him I’d like to see him( my brother) some OTHER time while he’s on the East Coast.

Vote!

2008-11-01T16:18:00.000-04:00

Love me do...

2008-10-05T21:36:00.001-04:00

I was thinking yesterday and today why I get bugged by my Dad saying he “loves me unconditionally” because I’m his son. On the one hand I understand this- because I put up with my Dad BECAUSE he is my Dad. If I friend treated me like my Dad does- they wouldn’t be my friend for long…
At first I thought it was the logic hair splitting- he has said that he loves me BECAUSE I am his son. So logic would dictate that if I was NOT his son, he wouldn’t love me; therefore his love is conditional on us being related…
HOWEVER, and I figured this out myself- so I could be wrong.
I think the problem is---- I want him to LOVE ME for ME. I want to be loved, not because he messed around with my mom… but because I’m a pretty nice guy.

I care for my step brother and sister- not because I HAVE to, but because I like them. Same goes for my step father- He’s MY step father. Whereas my father’s third wife is… his third wife and NOT my Step mother.

I hope this make sense. I’m tired and I think this is an important thought to share. I’m not a parent- but most of my blog readers ARE ;-)
So let me know as both a ‘child’ of someone and a parent IF it makes sense at a certain point in time to be loved not because someone HAS TO- but because they feel you have done something to DESERVE their love.

And Again (?)

2008-10-01T10:34:00.001-04:00

Ok- not sure if I’ve blogged about this- SO I apologize if I’ve covered this ground but the past repeats itself.
When my Dad showed up here a few months ago- because his wife was signing books in the area… He told me about this about a week in advance. I hadn’t seen him in a while and had kept him at a distant… But I was perfectly willing to meet them for dinner- so long as he knew that they were NOT welcome in my apartment. I got street addresses for two restaurants that I wanted to go to- figuring if they were visiting me it would be MY choice. I chose two places that I liked, I thought they would like and that I hadn’t been able to go to because of lack of funds… I didn’t choose based on expenses… though I will admit one of the places I picked was based on the fact that it was stir fry- and that we wouldn’t have a huge amount of ‘face time’ because part of the experience is picking out the food and waiting for them to grill it.
When I got a call from him that day- he told me what food SHE was interested in… and asked me to find a restaurant for her. Being me, I did what he asked- I did a little research and found two places near me that I thought SHE might like. But I found this vexing as I felt he was visiting ME and as such- I felt he should treat me to a place I would like.

I mention the above story because when I went to visit my mom for the New Year… I called my dad on Monday to wish him a Happy New Year- even though I know he doesn’t celebrate any Jewish holidays. He suggested we meet for lunch on Tuesday, and although I would’ve preferred to hang out with my nephews FAR MORE… I felt that since I hadn’t seen my dad in months that I somehow ‘owed’ him a meeting. I thought this was odd, especially as he was on the Cape and didn’t visit me( and his wife had a signing about 3 blocks from me). However since he suggested we meet for lunch- I told him my plans with my sister and that I could meet him either near the planetarium or Penn Station. He suggested that we meet near a restaurant- and we did. He however was double parked as he drove in his car… so we had to look for a parking space.
While trying to find a parking space- he told me about HIS money woes- about how much HE lost in the market… and how he couldn’t afford to pay monthly fees for a parking garage- especially as he and the wife only spent a couple of nights a week in their New York apartment. It really struck me as tone deaf that he was complaining to ME about his money problems.
So we find a parking place and my father tells me that since we found a good spot that I should take my bag with me… as we’d take the train to Penn Station as he didn’t want to lose his spot. He then tells me that he knows a good restaurant nearby and we walk to it. And when we got to the restaurant- I realized that my Dad had a) not told me what sort of restaurant we were walking towards… and b) did NOT at any point ask me what I was in the mood for. We went to the restaurant because it was close to the parking space and my Dad liked it… I didn’t seem to enter into the equation.
I will admit I liked the food… but still…
And during the meal my father continued to complain about how much HE lost in the stock market… That he felt a need to sell the New York apartment because- he lost a lot of money and didn’t think he could afford the apartment… BUT that said he said he’d keep it for the rest of the year- BECAUSE his wife had enough on her mind with her writing and promoting her book to worry her about the sale.
So- the apartment… He tried to sell it before, he didn’t because SHE didn’t want him to, it costs a good amount of money AND the value has gone down due to the markets( less people with the $ to buy it from him)…. BUT while he’s worried about money- He refuses to think about selling the apartment UNTIL she has less on her mind.

Oh- and lastly after hearing my Dad bitch about HIS MONEY WOES- he told me he talked to a social worker, who agreed with him that it was OK for him to put conditions on his giving me money. He told me he LOVED me UNCONDITIONALLY, BUT that if I wanted money from him there would be CONDITIONS.
Now I should mention at NO POINT have I asked my Dad for money since he punked out of helping me in March. So he was telling me, without any prompting from me, that he’d be willing to help me BUT with conditions. And he felt it was important for me to know that someone else had backed him up on his thinking. AS IF I CARED who he cited (like when he tells me or my mom that his current wife agrees with him SO he MUST be right).
Why do I bother with him? I mean if this guy wasn’t a blood relation- I would’ve ditched him so many years ago. It’s clear to me that he really doesn’t get me or try.
I feel I should end this by mentioning that he mentioned several times how HAPPY he was that I had a good relationship with my mom… He didn’t understand why HE didn’t have a good relationship with her but was glad I had a relationship with her. I felt that I should’ve told him- as I’ve told her that my relationship with EACH of them is separate from the other. BUT the way I really wanted to respond was either a) she’s still bitchy because he cheated on her. Yes, it was 30 odd years ago… but I think she’s still pissed that he cheated on her and left her, with two kids, for the OTHER woman or b) ask him if he was really glad that I connected with her, or was he pissed because as a kid I looked up to him and as an adult I have a better relationship with HER.

Oh and I should mention- when I talked to my mom before I came in… She asked me if I wanted anything SPECIAL for New Year’s dinner… After hearing that she was making turkey and that we’d have the challah and honey (for a sweet new year) I told her I was good. She made for us a plum tart… which she knows I like…. So Dad couldn’t be bothered to ask me where I wanted to eat… and my mom cooked me my favorite dessert. I think that sums my relationship up with them pretty well.

Can't spell smother without Mother...

2008-09-09T21:36:00.002-04:00

I know I don’t blog as much as I should- and I will prolly constantly apologize about this. The reasons are a) I’m looking for a job- which takes time. 2) Evan has me addicted to FB… I kid… but I am an FB addict and iii) I am meeting with a therapist every week or so which leads me to try and get my stuff out with HIM instead of HERE. 4) I’ve been trying to NOT comment on politics as it just depresses me more…( the fact that Obama is in a dead heat with McSame is NOT a good sign to me)

However, that said something happened today that bothered me.
To set things up- I had to cancel last week with my therapist because of ‘issues’ at the game store. I’d rather not go into that NOW- BUT… After I talked to my therapist today to schedule a meeting on Thursday, he called me back. He asked me if he could talk to my mom. It seemed she had called HIM, and wanted to talk to MY THERAPIST about me.
This vexes me. I feel it’s bad enough that she keeps me on what I consider is a short leash and tells me she ‘worries’ if she doesn’t here from me on a WEEKLY basis- and btw it seems not only a weekly basis, but that I should be calling HER and not vica versa… as when she calls, she often mentions she’s calling ME because I haven’t called HER…

But for her to step it up a notch and call my therapist….

I told my therapist that he had my permission to talk to her- because well I couldn’t see how his NOT talking to her helped me. However, it just irks me that my mom feels that she can make this end run and makes all these DEMANDS from me.
And I let her.
Again- I told my therapist that he could talk to her… because I’m tired and just couldn’t think of anything else. I figured IF I didn’t let her get her way- she’d just come after me.

So I wonder if that’s what my therapist is? A body to put between me and my mom.

Politically Amused

2008-08-01T19:51:00.002-04:00

I really haven't been blogging about politics because all in all I find it VASTLY depressing.

That said I was amused way more then I should've been by this blog

Things Younger then John McCain.

Things that stand out to me are the Chocolate Chip Cookie, The Six pack( think about it, the concept of buying 6 drinks packaged together is YOUNGER then McCain), and Pizza Delivery. I could not really imagine life with out any of that.

Bad Husbands...

2008-08-01T08:02:00.002-04:00

I found this article about the WORST husbands in comics.

My first thought was a) there are no DC husbands on the list and b) Scott should be #1

I thought about the first point for a bit- because I thought that perhaps Marvel had more married people… but I realized this was false as I quickly realized the amount of A and B listers who are married in DC.
All 3 Flashes- Jay, Barry and Wally are great Husbands
The first 2 Hawkmen were married- Actually I’d say 3 with the Hawkworld reboot.
Superman and Lois have been married for a few years now
Aquaman and Mera- might be the second worst marriage of DCU, but that’s POST Artie Jr. dieing.
Ralph and Sue- a marriage for the ages.
Big Barda and Scott-see above.
Jean and Ray Palmer- the WORST DC marriage- but that’s HER fault not his.
Actually- of the above- I count 3 of my OTP- Barry and Iris, Ralph and Sue, and Big Barda and Scott. I most likely could go on, listing the Legion( first series) married couples, but I think the point is made… there are as many married people in DC as in Marvel and they seem to be better married.

Second is that Scott Summers should be #1 worst husband as they don’t mention his FIRST marriage to Maddie; which I know Evan remembers. ;-) He left his pregnant wife to be with his “One True Love”, who apparently he loves SOOO much that he’s willing to cheat on her with another psycho… I mean psychic. ;-)

One in a Minyan

2008-07-19T19:28:00.001-04:00

So I walked into Kenmore Square today to get some Popeye’s( bad habit I have) and a guy asked me if I was Jewish- I said yes, and he asked me if I wanted to be in a Minyan. Now a Minyan is a group of 10 Jewish men, which is needed to perform religious ceremony. I was hungry but felt it would be a Mitzvah (a good deed) for me to help them… especially as it was the Sabbath. I let the man know that I had NOT had a Bar Mitzvah, nor could I read Hebrew( as I have problems learning languages) BUT I would be willing to ‘put the time in’ and if they were willing to accept me; knowing this, then I was theirs. They wanted to confirm that I was Jewish, which I am and I was brought to the place of worship.
I was then introduced to the rest of the congregation. Or at least I should say the 9 other men, including the Rabbi, as the women and kids were separated by a divider. The guy who ‘recruited’ me told them that I had NOT had a Bar Mitzvah, and didn’t know Hebrew. The Rabbi pointed out that THIS would be my Bar Mitzvah… and I tried to follow along. I was given a book which had Hebrew and English, and read the English.
I thought it was slightly amusing when I tried to look at another member’s prayer book to check my page, and he had a combination Russian/Hebrew book as he was a Russian Jew. Now my ANCESTERY is Russian Jews- but I am a 3rd generation American.
But I digress, so I tried to follow along with the prayers. And when it was MY turn at the Torah- I just repeated the Hebrew that the Rabbi told me to repeat. Then since it was MY Bar Mitzvah- we danced around the Torah and they threw candy at me.
After the Sabbath prayer- the other Jewish males told me about their Bar Mitzvahs- and how they had been Bar Mitzvahed in a PROPER synagogue- where the women sat in the balcony- and thus when THEY had candy thrown at them- people really flung it.
I wanted to leave but they got me to stay for Kiddush, a drink of wine and challah and chatted abit before leaving for my Popeye’s.

I amused during much of the ceremony that I kept thinking about calling my mom and my older brother’s wife (I have 3 sister in laws… or will next month) and telling them the news. My older brother’s wife is Jewish and has said she plans for all 3 of her daughters to have Bat Mitvahs… so I’d thought she’d appreciate my story. She asked me if there were any cute Jewish women there. And had to tell her, I didn’t really notice. See during the ceremony I didn’t see them as they were on the other side of screen and when we sat down for the Kiddush, I was sitting with the men and talking to them and the women sat in a separate section. I think that was one of the reasons I decided to leave- because there were all these RULES that I wasn’t sure of… I had a bit in common with these people but… I wasn’t sure how much.
The other reason I left is because it was a beautiful day outside and I wanted to take a walk- and get Popeye’s.
So I had my Bar Mitzvah today and I ‘am a man’.

Punting the Ball

2008-06-28T21:24:00.000-04:00

I started last week with a political rant, which maybe I’ll get back to tomorrow- but for the past couple of days I’ve felt a bit bad about NOT blogging. So tonight I’m blogging to just get rid of my anger at one of my good friends.
Said friend is manager at the game store I work at. He’s been manager there for at least 5 years; I’ve worked there for about 10 years on and off and I’ve know him for over 20 years. I asked him about a month ago to write a letter of recommendation for me to help me get a library gig.
After bugging him on and off for the past month, as mentioned above, he wrote me about a paragraph. I was sort of pissed as it was quite generic and short. I asked for advice, put it off myself for a week and finally wrote the letter of recommendation myself. I had both Evan and Adj. take a look at it- and they both liked my version. So I emailed my version to my friend and his girl friend. I sent it to the gf because I know he has a bad habit of NOT looking at his email- and I felt that both he and I had procrastinated enough on getting this letter done.
My friend’s gf told me in no uncertain terms that she preferred the first draft. She mentioned that MY draft was wayyy too long and that the first draft was short and to the point.
I got angry because I had really TRIED to do a good letter- and everyone I showed my friend’s draft, agreed with me. Then it hit me like a lightning bolt. Perhaps she was defending HIS letter, not just because she was his gf- but because SHE and not HE had written the letter. I thought this made sense as he is lazy and she has a habit of being defensive. This got me even angrier- both at him and her.
I called a third friend who knows all parties and asked him for his input. He felt that she could’ve been on the defensive and in favor of the first draft either to defend herself or her bf. When I pressed the 3rd friend as to whether he thought the manager could’ve gotten his gf to write the letter, he found this a HIGHLY plausible idea.
So I intend to talk to the manager on Tuesday- next day that he’s working, as I don’t want to call him at home where she could intercept the call and/or try to convince him that the first draft was really better.
And now I’m going to try to put this behind me, as I’ve done what I can for the time being. It upsets me how much my friend punted on this letter- but really I’ve known him for 20 years and shouldn’t be surprised.

Updating...

2008-06-15T09:06:00.002-04:00

Ok- once again I want to TRY to promise to update here more often.
I'm gonna TRY to promise to blog this summer on Sundays- as I can't get to the gym on Sunday so have the morning all to myself....

As I'm trying to get BACK into the habit of blogging, I'll start with updating my reading list. I'm going to TRY and post tonight as well- but we'll see.... FB calls me wayyyy too much sometimes.

Book 7- Fair Game by Valerie Plame Wilson. Right off the bat, I was amused by the amount of redaction; two chapter titles were redacted. Also the Publisher’s Note at the beginning states that while the years Valerie Plame Wilson worked for the CIA might be in the public domain, the CIA would NOT let Ms. Wilson mention them- so they had someone ELSE write an afterword.. The writer of the afterword, Laura Rozen, was able to mention anything that was in ‘public domain’.
So it was a bit hard for me to figure out how to read the book- so that I read the afterword that properly explained the chapters that I had just read- but were edited. Such as I read the second chapter which was called XXX Tour and then when I looked at the Afterword I found out it was Athens Tour- and that Valerie Plame Wilson had served in Athens, but wasn’t allowed to MENTION that.
I normally don’t read biographies and I can’t remember the last autobiography I read… but I found Valerie Plame Wilson’s story interesting. I will admit I was amused by the redactions, but I was moved by her story. That Ms. Wilson dedicated her life to the service of her country and had her livelihood (which was helping to find out who was trying to get WMDs) jeopardized because people who have NEVER put their lives ‘in harm’s way’ wanted to protect their ‘credibility’.
I also learnt that a) oddly she didn’t lose her job at the CIA, and ended up quitting AFTER the 2004 election and b) that the Wilson’s civil suit has been thrown out of court.

Book 8- Lost Daughters by J.M. Redmann. This is the 4th book in the Micky Knight series.. and the last one. It was written in 1999, so it looks like this is the last book in the series… I also think it’s the last one because of the thematic end. In the first book, Micky is so damaged and you wish so much for her to find happiness. In Lost Daughters, Micky ends up putting all the demons of her past to rest. I’m prolly said too much… but I loved the series, and am happy in the way Redmann ended it.

Book 9- Outlaw Demon Wails by Kim Harrison. This is the latest book in Kim Harrison’s Rachel Morgan Supernatural thriller series. I’ve often found myself comparing this series to the Dresden series by Butcher even though I think they are vastly different. The big difference is I feel that the Butcher series has much more of a dark noir feel to it. They both deal with a world of witches, warlocks, demons and vampires… but Butcher’s series has everything underground and darker…. While Harrison has most of the supernaturals living out in the open with humans.
I thought this book was a good addition to the series. While Harrison introduced some stuff TOTALLY out of left field, I felt the stuff ‘fit’ well enough not to ‘break’ the world view or for me to call shenanigans on Harrison( like I feel calling on many current comic book writers). I like this series a lot.

Book 10- From Dead to Worse by Charlaine Harris. I often feel that this (Sookie Stackhouse) series is wish fulfillment as it’s written by a female writer about a female character and the main character has MANY ATTRACTIVE male admirers.
I like the Sookie… not enough to BUY the series but enough to borrow each book when they come out in hardcover from the library.
This book was a quick read- I read it in about 3 days- though to be fair, one of those days I got up at like 4 am and figured I’d rather read this then watch MORE mindless TV.

Book 11- Small Favor by Jim Butcher. While I like the Butcher Dresden series much more then the Sookie series; I felt with both the sense that these were ‘series’ books. With Harrison, I felt that there was a beginning, middle and end to the story- even though the story was part of a larger story( aka the Rachel Morgan series) but with Dresden and Sookie, they felt like the Two Towers movie- there wasn’t a beginning or end to the story- they were just setting up the end… somewhere down the line. I know I expected that in both books, but at the same time I’m getting a little tired with Butcher- he has a ‘war’ going on off screen for several books- and I’d like that plotline to be resolved… SOON.

I should mention between finishing Lost Daughters and starting Outlaw Demon Wails I started Don Quixote. I haven’t finished it yet, and so far have put it down several times, due to the fact that I’ve borrowed books 9, 10 and 11 from the library- so there was a certain amount of time I had to read those books.

Marvel Rant

2008-05-05T08:51:00.004-04:00

Last week I blogged about my anger at DC, so being an equal opportunity hater- I figured I’d blog about my dislike of Marvel.
Well this is and isn’t about Marvel- It’s really a rand about Brian Michael Bendi, but as he writes MOST of the big ticket Marvel Comics… I think they’re interchangeable at this point.
I was reading Wizard 200- and there was an article WRITTEN by BMB. So this is a professional comic book writer, writing in a ‘professional’ trade magazine. The article is about Secret Invasion- a comic that Bendis is writing and Wizard subtitled the article “Brian Michael Bendis gives the 411 on the shocking ending to issue #1.” We also see a picture of the ‘shocking ending’ which had a bunch of 70’s era Marvel guys and gals coming out of a space ship.
Bendis then gives a paragraph about EACH of the superheroes in the shot and his ‘take’ on things.
His Sue Storm paragraph reads thusly:

Sue Storm: Poor Reed. Reed to the Skrulls is Osama Bin Laden. They don’t hate mankind. They don’t hate the Earth. They hate Reed Richards. Reed Richards turned them into cows. They would have Reed Richard toilet paper and dart boards. On top of whatever plan they’re having… did they give him a fake wife? They really have a thing for him. They gave him Skrull crabs. They gave him Skrull gonorrhea.

Really Bendis; Skrull crabs for their Osama Bin Laden? Because if it were ME, and I was an advance race of shape shifters- I think I could come up with something a LITTLE better then giving my MOST HATED FOE crabs. Especially as, Reed Richards being smarter then MY scientists… odds are that Reed is going to find a CURE for Skrull crabs in like 10 minutes.
I think what gets me about the above quote is that it was said by the WRITER of Secret Invasion… not just a fanboy giggling to himself, and friends, when he thinks of the possibility of Sue being a Skrull… and that Bendis thought that this was PUBLISHIBLE- which I guess Wizard agreed with him, and again this wasn’t said in say a private meeting where Bendis and other writers were just shooting the breeze and being silly. Bendis thought that Skrull crabs was both funny and professional enough to be published- and Wizard Magazine agreed with him- as they did publish it.

Oh and I feel I should also mention that in the description BEFORE Sue, about Wonder Man, he mentions “ …[Wonder Man] literally bursts mysteriously out of Scarlet Witch’s crazy vagina. “

Never buying another DC comic

2008-04-30T09:52:00.004-04:00

I love me the flash. Love him. Be he- Jay, Barry or Wally. I love Flash. (No, Bart doesn't count though I did love him as Impulse). I've loved him since the Murder of Iris storyline- granted as fell in love with Barry, I realized that I liked Barry more with Iris then without; so as I bought ‘current’ issues of Flash- I realized that Barry’s best days were behind him. My disappointment with the Barry run of Flash peaked somewhere during the Trial of Barry Allen. It’s not to say that I don’t think a superhero being put on trial for killing his arch nemesis isn’t an interesting idea- HOWEVER it runs into problems when you let the story go for two years- including 1 issue that was just a reprint of Barry and Iris’ marriage….
So when they cancelled Barry’s comic… I was like ok… the writer doesn’t know what to do with Barry, they’re done… Roll Credits.

Then DC killed Barry in Crisis.
It was a GREAT NOBLE death. The kind of death rarely seen in comics because it was COOL… and you sort of knew that Barry wasn’t coming back.
{ this is different then the death of Kara, which was a) totally pointless b) very annoying and c) she came back just a few years later- after fandom was told she WAS DEAD, and that Superman was going to be the LAST ONLY Kryptonian.

A few years later( should know this) Waid ‘brought back’ Barry- but then flipped it and we found out that it was actually Reverse Flash being the ULTIMATE fanboy that he was. I loved Waid for yanking our chains, and NOT giving Barry back to fans.

So I read this story today online- after 20 odds years of staying dead… Morrison plans to bring Barry back.
Feh!
To me this is WORSE then DC bringing back Jason Todd. I’ve heard bitching about the Todd resurrection since it happened- about the $$$ friends paid the 1-900 number to KILL Jason because he was an annoying character.
Well Barry was a much loved character. He still is one of my favorite characters AND that’s 23 years after the last STARRING story he had.
But for them to bring him back- to me that pisses on his noble sacrifice and tells me that DC will constantly yank our chains about DEATH. That someone will die in the comic to SELL comics and will be brought back to SELL MORE comics (see death of superman as prime example.)

Not gonna give DC another one of my hard earned dimes. EVER AGAIN!

Cancelations...

2008-04-24T20:07:00.000-04:00

I can’t been blogging recently because when I’m at the computer I get sucked into facebook. And if I’m not doing facebook- I’m using my computer for job search stuff. But I want to get back into the habit of blogging… so here it is.
This has not been a good week for me. While I’ve had one or two job leads- I started this week with problems sleeping again. This threw me off for a couple of days as on Tuesday, I was just tired all day- and made a point of going to the gym to make sure I was GOOD and tired. I ran for an hour… and while I slept ok… I still felt a bit ‘hung’ over Wednesday, though I did make a point of going to a store nearby that recently moved and is hiring.
I also used some of what I consider my ‘nervous energy’ to clean. I got pleased with myself for scrubbing my bathroom. I also cleaned door molding (? the frame ARROUND the door?)
I should’ve gone back to the store today, but I ended up enjoying the day- trying to get Superheroes to work on Facebook, and getting myself ‘ready’ for therapy. I like to go over my week before I talk to my therapist and have ‘key points’ to go over. I felt I really needed to see my therapist as I hadn’t seen him LAST week- and was unhappy that I was having problems sleeping AGAIN.
So I was peeved that he canceled on me. This is not the first time he’s canceled on me. Granted we’ve penciled in Saturday… but it irks me that I had planned to see him and then he got sick.
I know I can’t blame him for getting sick- but I do think I can be peeved because he cancels on a semi regular basis. I’ve told him that I’ve had to stop telling my mom when I’m seeing him. I don’t think I should tell my mom anyway about my therapy- but she gets even more annoyed then I do when he cancels.
I don’t want to get a new therapist because I like the one I have- and I know I got ‘lucky’ drawing a therapist who I, and my mom, think is good for me… I just think it would be BETTER if I had a more regular schedule
Like I missed him last week, because he rescheduled from Wednesday afternoon to Friday noon… However since I was used to meeting him at a certain TIME (different days but usually the same hour)… I forgot and thus didn’t see him. Last week on the phone I tried to be a good ‘trooper’ and told him I’d just wait to see him today… but today I sort of let it be known that I’d like to see him. So I told him to call me tomorrow and let me know FIRMLY if he’ll be good for Saturday… esp. as he only called me like 2 hours before our session to cancel it.

I spoke to my mom before I started writing this. She spoke to a family member who knows a guy who works in a library- so she gave me his name as a contact. I called her to thank her for the number and to try and reassure her that I was ok. She called this morning while I was at the gym… I went early to burn off energy and to DO SOMETHING. My mom sounded concerned that I wasn’t home. Which to me is a no win situation- if I was home, she’d complain that I was in the apartment on a wonderful day- and since I wasn’t here she was disappointed that she didn’t get to speak to me.
She gave me the impetus to blog this as she complained that I didn’t sound well… and I went to my default which was to assure her that I was ok. I don’t want to burden my mom with my problems OR make her worry about me. I feel bad when I make her worry about me. So I let her know I had simply hit the weights a bit too hard this morning, which was pretty true… And she seemed to accept that.

Ok. I’m tired. I know this makes enough sense because word isn’t busting my chops on grammar or spelling too much, but if you have any questions- let me know. I feel semi coherent right now but felt I needed to post SOMETHING HERE before I check facebook to see if Superheroes is working… and if it isn’t to send ice cream, plants, and pies at friends… and lose various word games.
;-)

April 1st

2008-04-02T10:48:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was for the most part a pretty good day. At the start of it- facebook wasn’t working… So I spent a little time on job search, my friend asked me to help out at the gamestore- so got to do a bit of people watching, I went to the gym for a pretty good workout, I took out some trash and did some more job searching on line. I also called my sister in law- as her daughter was 10 yesterday and I wanted to be a good uncle and call her on her birthday( even if she’s not blood of my blood- she’s family)… At about 9pm, I was feeling good about the day and myself, I had figured out how to play superheroes on facebook even if it SAID it was having problems with java.
Then I talked to someone who told me about her April Fool’s day prank. Now while I complained a bit about getting an April Fool power for superheroes… I somehow forgot until my sparring partner brought up her prank… what April First was. See I haven’t done an April Fool’s prank in ages, because years ago my grandfather died on April first.
I felt very bad that I had forgotten my grandfather’s death day….
I’d like to say my ‘sin of omission’ is NOT because I don’t love my grandfather- as I still love both him and my grandmother… but because his death has sort of been replaced by life. I was thinking on his death day NOT about the sadness of his passing, but my new niece’s birthday- as well as my mom’s upcoming 70th( tomorrow) and giving my eldest nephew a vader figure( his 5th was last Thursday).

I miss my grandfather- and I will always miss him and my grandmother- but I really think it’s a good thing that on April first I can now celebrate LIFE and not be depressed because I’m thinking of death. I hope that sounds like I’m not forgetting him- but trying to honor him by celebrating the life of another family member.

5 year; 4,000 American Deaths.

2008-03-30T05:22:00.002-04:00

Ok, I haven’t been blogging that much recently due to job search, cleaning, what little work I get at the game store- and of course facebook’s superhero app.
BUT, I do think I need to blog about the fact that in the past couple of weeks the United States reached TWO milestones in Iraq- the death of the 4,000th soldier and the 5 year of our ‘occupation’.
The first thing I feel I should mention is that I have decided that W. has got his wargasm on. Bush WANTED to be a war time president. He thinks the war in Iraq is a success because HE got what he wanted from it. I am convinced that W. ‘perfect moment’ was landing on an aircraft carrier in a flight suit, having the mission accomplished sign behind him, and a whole bunch of soldiers saluting him.
My reasoning is that W is NOT concerned with the actual POWER of being president- making Cheney his “co’ president, and more power then any other vice president. W. also is willing to surround himself with people who are not good at their job, but who are loyal to him. To me the perfect example of loyalty v. job is Condi Rice… She was in CHARGE of our defense. We were attacked on the watch of the Bush administration… and not only did she NOT lose her job for not acting on the report “Bin Laden determined to attack the U.S.’ but she got a promotion… and I’ve heard several people float the idea that she would be the PERFECT vice president for McSame if Obama got the nomination.
Which brings me to the next point…. Bin Laden is still out there. The United States has the biggest most bloated military budget of ANY country. After ‘winning’ the Cold War by outspending the Soviet Union, the military budget was not shrunk one dollar. How can we have the biggest and best military and not be able to find ONE MAN- who by the way is on dialysis, so should be a bit EASIER to find. The only conclusion I can find- and W. has let slip a couple of times, is that he doesn’t care about getting Bin Laden. To get his wargasm on, W. was more concerned with getting rid of Saddam… because much of W.’s presidency has been about showing that he’s more successful then his dad- by winning his second term and toppling Saddam.
Which brings me to the quotes from W.’s wife and Co-President who have BOTH stated that no one suffers more then W. because of this war… Heavy is the crown and all that. It’s sooo hard for W. to send our soldiers into harm’s way. Which I think has been proven to be TOTAL B.S. I write Total B.S. because our government and their sycophants have declared it unpatriotic to LIST the names of those brave men and women who have died in Iraq or allow the pictures of the COFFINS. Also I feel that if W. was truly sorry about their loss- he would’ve met with Cindy Shehann- but he didn’t because SHE was not a perfect gold star mom.
That leads to THE gold star moms who are FOR the war- because they have swallowed and regurgitate the line that ‘if we leave NOW, all of the deaths would be in vain’. I’m sorry but you don’t get my sympathy if you want to subject another parent to the same loss YOU’VE suffered just to make you feel better about YOUR loss.
Which leads me into Lyndie England. Man, I feel no post about Iraq can NOT mention her. She tortured and degraded Iraqis. At her trial she used as a defense, please go easy on me- I’m going to be a mother. The father of her baby is her C.O. who also was involved in the torture. And earlier this year, instead of blaming the chain of command( where NO officers were punished for the abuses of abu graib) she blamed the MEDIA for reporting on the abuses… Her reasoning was that IF it wasn’t reported that she and others tortured Iraqis, then the Iraqis wouldn’t have known about the torture AND wouldn’t be trying to kill us as much--- So the fault lies not with her, her kid’s father, or even the president BUT with that darn liberal media.
And I do think the media is a bit to blame- not for reporting about the abuses in Iraq but for NOT reporting about Iraq enough. I think the fact that we are war should mean a couple of minutes of ANY news show should be about the war and how it affects everything else. Like the fact that the economy is going into the crapper AND we are spending TRILLIONS in Iraq, that would be better spent here in the United States. Or the fact that gas prices have sky rocketed making EVERYTHING more expensive, while our government does nothing to help us kick the oil habit.
Ok- that’s it for now- as I told my younger brother I’m TRYING HARD not to get too angry over what I can’t change… But again I feel the milestones of 5 years and 4,000 dead American soldiers are worth getting pissed about…
But the so is the 85-90,000 Iraqi dead due to Iraq Body count… and as also alluded to, the dollar cost to the war- which has gotten to OVER $500 BILLION dollars and like the body counts- is still rising.

What The America???!!!???

2008-03-14T21:35:00.003-04:00

Ok I read this story the other day and really I'm not sure what to say about it.

The idea of CARDING someone just because they speak spanish? Really is that what we've come to?
There is SO much I feel that needs to be said- ranging from: having worked retail, I'd take ANYONE'S money; to if someone treated ME that way, I'd take my business elsewhere.
But really I feel this is a WTF moment.

That a guy feels that he has the RIGHT to card other people because he's 'afriad' that they MIGHT be 'illegally' here. And this person doesn't even live in what I would describe as a 'border state'
This is what the repug fear mongering has come to. Makes me sick to be an American.

No Money from Dad

2008-03-13T10:14:00.003-04:00

So as usual, I was biting my nails waiting for my dad’s response to my letter. I told him that I wasn’t going to accept his money with strings attached and I really feared that I’d get a phone call from my mom telling me that’s she talked to my dad and a) I should just take his damn money and b) she ‘can’t deal with me by herself’.
When I finally got my dad’s response it had this gem in it:

All the money I get has conditions attached to it and I don't think about it as jumping through hoops, I think of it as working for what I receive.

And I have to say, the first thing I thought of was: when he gives his wife $100 for shoes- what WORK has she done for that money/ what were the conditions attached to that money?
Obviously I don’t think I can tell him that thought without getting in trouble.

I’m trying to decide if this is insight into how my dad thinks- or just B.S.
Does he really think that EVERYBODY has to work for what they receive?

Dad rant

2008-03-11T07:45:00.001-04:00

I’m not sure which I’m more sorry about- that I haven’t blogged for a while or that as usual it’s turned into a screed against my father.

The reasons for not blogging are: trying to clean my apartment, trying to look for a part time job, getting help from adj. so that I can try to volunteer at a library, being KICKASS on facebook’s Superheroes, and trying to balance my time so I also enjoy myself.
(and in fact I started multitasking and started playing superheroes before deciding that I’d rather focus on writing this)

The ‘trouble’ started last week- which almost lead to a melt down because of a conversation with my dad and mom. I asked my dad for money for a bill- and I ended up double dipping… asking BOTH my parents to cover the same bill. I felt quisi justified in doing this at first because my father had yet to help me with any bills this year- and as far as I’m concerned, he’s loaded. My father as soon as I mentioned I needed started complaining about his taxes, and HIS money woes. I found out later that he called my mom to hit HER up for some of the money and thus found out about my double billing.
We also got into an argument about my cleaning my apartment. My dad wanted me to promise to clean my apartment like a ½ hour every day. I told him that while I was cleaning my apartment that I didn’t want to COMMIT to an arbitrary amount of time because then I would feel PRESSURE to do it- and would feel bad if I wasn’t able to do the ½ hour for one reason or another. He, of course, did not understand my desire to have LESS pressure in my life…
So I then ended up with MORE pressure from my mom… She tried telling me that it was important to HER for me to have a relationship with my dad. I marveled at the three bits of irony involved with her argument… The first was the obvious she wants ME to talk to my dad- even though SHE doesn’t like him or wants to talk to him herself. The second was the reasoning she gave me was that eventually my father would die, and I’d want to make peace with him before then. I did call her on this irony, as my father for years had been complaining that he was ‘going to die in a few years’… heck he said this as he left her 30 odd years ago. The third bit of irony was the fact that she wanted me to ‘let go’ of some of my dad’s shannagins because those were years ago- nevermind that she holds grudges/ slights against HER forever.
So I had to deal with THAT crap last week. And I thought I dealt with it pretty well…. I even sent my dad an email apologizing for ‘double billing’ and said that I wouldn’t do it again.

Of course, feeling good means that another shoe has to drop- in this case a letter from my dad. My father sent me a letter on Saturday- which I didn’t read until last night( I guess I was too busy working and facebook). He says that he’s going to send me the bulk of the money he’d said he’d sent BUT that a portion of the money is being withheld. He explains the withholding that a) he is strapped for cash and b) he wants me to PROMISE him that I will spend a ½ hour every day cleaning. Now nevermind that I told him in our conversation on Wednesday that I didn’t want to set up arbitrary goals… I got pissed that he was setting up ‘conditions’ for him to help me.
Actually what really pissed me off was this bit from his letter:

Maybe cleaning your apartment has taken on an even greater importance than normal, but it seems to be a very real indication of your commitment to addressing your ciracumstances. And since it hasn't happened yet, it's hard for us to feel that you are truly committed to turning your life around. I am sure that you can spare a half hour a day to making this happen.

I just got SOOO pissed at the idea that he feels I have to ‘prove’ to him that I am committed to turning my life around.
And I’m going to stop here. There was more to his letter- about how I should look for a part time job because I basically can’t depend on him to help pay my bills… but really the sticking point is that he wants PROOF that I’m trying to turn my life around. Way to be sportive.
I’ve told him that I don’t want his money and will figure out a way to pay my bills… because really I’d rather get off my butt and put things up on ebay- or go into debt(which I don't think will happen- but I'm saying.,..) if need be than jump through HIS hoops.

Diebold

2008-02-28T10:48:00.002-05:00

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

Assorted Ramblings...

2008-02-27T09:39:00.003-05:00

Ok- the first thing I want to mention is that I got a call last night. It was at 10:30pm- I was in bed and at that point NOTHING was going to get me out of bed...
I played it first thing this AM- part of me thought I should wait to wake up JUST IN CASE it was my dad... But it was my bro's finacee. She's trying to help me search for a job and expand my horizons about using my degree.
What amazed me was- she put her eldest daughter on... The daughter thanked me for giving her the 3rd book in the Golden Compass series. And she said she LOVED me. And this made me go Oh... and Huh?
Part of me feels I should have a warm fuzzy because this 11 year has shared her love with ME. Part of me is like huh? because I've met this girl like twice... and she's declaring her LOVE for me- and she and her younger sister I think do call me Uncle Drew...
I don't know. I guess I'm just not used to children's 'pure' love. Just like I was surprised that my 5 year old nephew was looking forward to seeing ME. Part of me chalked that up to mental development- he remembers Uncle Drew bought him the batmoblie for X-mas... and part of me was just glad that he seemed to like me.
I guess I think I'm thinking too much about this stuff- so wanted to share...

I spoke to my Dad on Monday morning- and was amazed at how easily I let him press my buttons. I really do think I overthink what he says sometimes- but other times it's clear that we're having two different conversations as it's clear he's not listening to MY half.
My brother and his gal are still pissed that my dad blew us off last Wednesday. I told my bro that considering I got worked up JUST with a phone call, maybe it was better if I didn't see our dad. I have also admitted to being a tad petty and NOT sending my dad any pics I took of my niece... as I just feel if he wants to SEE his grand daughter he should MAKE TIME for her.

And lastly gonna put the two books I've read since my last book post:
Book 5- Miss Pym Disposes- by Josephine Tey. I bought this book on vacation last July. I loved Tey’s Daughter of Time, so I thought I’d try another one of her books. I was greatly disappointed with Miss Pym Disposes so it took me a bit to finish it. This book is SUPPOSE to be a murder mystery but considering that the only murder takes place on page 181 of a 240 page book; I don’t think it was that much of a ‘mystery’. Actually to be honest- page 181 is when we know there’s a VICTIM, we don’t find out that she dies until page 216.
Yes, I will admit that there was a twist ending to the ‘mystery’ but I really didn’t care- I was just glad to finish the book off.

Book 6- Inventing A Nation by Gore Vidal. This was book talks about the formation of the United States’ Federal Government. Vidal starts just prior to Washington becoming President, and ends with Washington’s death in 1799…It does talk about Washington and Adam’s presidency but main focus is Hamilton’s Federalist ideas Vs. Jefferson’s Republicanism. Or to put it another way- Federal Government V. State rights.
It is a short book so it only gets the reader’s feet wet with these ideas… And even then, Vidal goes out of his way to talk about ‘current events’- such as the republic’s electoral college leading to the 2000 Florida Supreme Court Decision . Vidal also mentions that Franklin feared that the government that he was trying to help found, would only end in despotism- like other governments that have come before, and then in the next paragraph Vidal says “Now, two centuries and sixteen years later, Franklin’s blunt dark prophecy has come true; popular corruption has given birth to that Despotic Government which he foresaw as inevitable at our birth.” So Vidal colors the book about the founding of our federal government with the current state of the federal government.

That's it for now... have to do job search- esp as I've been spending WAY TOO MUCH time this am on Facebook's superpowers... They released a new power and I was like a kid in the candy store just attacking a zillion times it seems

Family Vaca

2008-02-22T10:22:00.002-05:00

Well I came back yesterday and I went to the game store to have lunch with my bestest friend…
He took one look at me and declared that I looked happy and thus MUST NOT have spent all that long with my dad.

And that is the ever loving truth.
My Dad blew me off for his wife. This is NOT the first time he did it, it won’t be the last but I know I didn’t really give a damn. Or to be more exact- I was sorta pleased that he blew me off because it meant I didn’t have to see him and HE has the guilt of canceling on me instead of vica versa. Though that said, I don’t think he has any guilt about blowing me off- because if he did- he wouldn’t do it so often.

What happened is I arrived at my sister’s place on Sunday night; where my brother, his finacee, my niece, my mom, and my sister’s family (her hubby, and two sons). We had planned to go to the Bronx Zoo on Monday. Now as we were getting ready to leave, I realized that my winter jacket was too heavy but I wanted a jacket as rain was predicted. So I left my coat and borrowed a rain coat from my sister.
While at the park, my brother checked his voice mail and said that there was a message from our father. That our dad was trying to get in touch with me because our father had decided rather then meet with me for dinner on Wednesday, he was going to go with his wife on her book signing trip.
I rolled my eyes and thought this was typical. I had made plans with my Dad to see him on Wednesday night for dinner, and he was ditching me because his wife batted her eyes and asked him to change his plans at the last minute.
I realized that since I had left MY jacket at my sister’s- I also left my cell phone. I asked to borrow my mom’s cell but a) she only had my dad’s cell phone number (and HIS phone doesn’t work at his house) and b) ‘All lines were busy’. My mom says that sometimes she can’t get a connection with her phone as her provider’s circuits are often busy. So I felt, my dad tried to get a hold of me… and wanted to cancel Wednesday, and I was having a good time with the other side of the family so I was in NO rush to call him back.
I found out about my dad’s call about mid afternoon. I then had a nice time at the zoo with previously mentioned: mom, brother, brother’s gal, niece, sister, brother in law and two nephews… My mom cut out a bit early due to the rain- taking my bro, his gal and their daughter, leaving me with my sister, her husband and their two boys. We took our time at the Zoo and then went to a pizza place for dinner. I knew in the back of my mind that I needed to call my dad back- but I was in no hurry because he was canceling on me. I called him around, perhaps, 8 pm and told him that if he wanted to meet me Tuesday BEFORE he and his wife left for her book tour- that would be ok with me.
My dad was ALL apologetic when I talked to him Monday night… He said how SORRY he was… and how he’d make it up to me… and I just nodded my head and told him I understood. I was slightly amused about how he blamed his wife for this change of plans- because suddenly SHE got nervous and wanted him to help her with the driving… So I thought even his apology showed he had no balls- as he couldn’t even man up enough to admit- she asked me and I decided to drive her around then spend time with you or ‘my grand daughter’.
I add my niece into this equation as my brother and his wife felt VERY slighted by the amount of time my dad made for them. They traveled all the way from San Fran to spend time with ‘the family’, and they spent only a couple of hours with my dad- most of which was at a book event for my father’s wife new book. Yeah- she had a party for her book on Sunday, and my brother brought his fiancée and daughter to this event… I didn’t go because I work at the game store on Sunday. So my brother, and his family, go to this book signing- and then they go to my dad’s place for like a drink before heading to our (step) sister’s house. So originally, my brother and his girls were going to join me and my dad for dinner on Wednesday…. That way I had a bit of a buffer between me and my dad, and I could maximize the time I spent with my niece…. So by canceling on ME, my dad also canceled on my brother, his fiancée and the baby.
I ended up merely changing parents and having dinner on Wednesday night with my mom, and my brother’s group… glad that I got a few more hours with my niece… and I was a happy camper- as stated at the beginning of this blog.
That said, the rest of the family- brother, mother, and brother’s gal are pissed at my dad for putting his wife above the rest of his family. I try to look at it this way- My dad made his choice and HE is the one who’s going to miss out. My niece has two parents who love her, two sisters who adore her, two cousins who are about her age, four uncles who think she’s cute (and three aunts), two grandmas and a ‘step’ grandpa… so I think my niece will be covered with love… My father however is the one missing out on her cuteness… which is Mighty Mighty cute.
Maybe I’ll talk more about the rest of my vaca later- and I HOPE to put a few pics up on facebook… but I just wanted to share the fact that I got all worked up and nervous about seeing my dad for nothing.
Oh and my mom was SO PROUD of how I looked that she gave me a brownie without ANY sort of digs- about how the brownie was like a ‘special’ treat or how I should make sure I go to the gym when I get back to ‘work off the brownie’…. She just gave it to me as a treat, and the lack of weight comments made me appreciate the brownie all the more.

Wednesday V. Thursday

2008-02-15T10:34:00.002-05:00

The difference a day makes.

I haven’t been blogging on that often but I wanted to say that I had a *BAD* day on Wednesday. I think there were a few factors- starting with it being rainy, really rainy. I don’t usually think that the weather affects my mood, but it was really crappy and I felt trapped in my home.
The second thing that bothered me is I slept poorly. I have been taking meds to help me sleep and Tuesday night I decided to try and wan myself off the sleeping meds- by taking a ½ a pill instead of a whole. The doctor, whom has been giving me the meds, agreed with me that I should try to decrease my dosage and get off being dependent on the sleeping pills. They had first suggested taking the sleeping meds ‘as needed’ but that got me tossing and turning with me trying to figure out WHEN during the night the pill was needed… so now I’m trying to take ½ a pill when I go to bed. Well on Tuesday this didn’t work too well. I woke up around 4am and tossed and turned for a few hours. I was too tired to get out of bed, but having problems going back to sleep.
So I was tired and it was rainy. I was also nervous because I’m going to see my family next week. While I’m looking forward to seeing my sister, my sister in law (though my brother hasn’t married yet), and their kinders… I’m NOT looking forward to seeing my Dad and I’m not sure how the family is going to treat me—as this will be the first time I’ll be seeing most of them since I had my ‘melt down’ in Jan. So I’m a little worried about how they will react to me.
Heck, I’ve already tried to put boundaries up with my father. Basically my Dad said that the time HE was free for a visit was Wednesday dinner… and he offered his couch for me to sleep on. Now I should note the reason he offered me the couch is because his wife will be OUT of town and thus he feels it is ok for me to sleep over. My mom wanted me to sleep over at my dad’s as she felt that it would mean I would be spending MORE time in NYC, and my older brother thought that it would be nice to have my dad’s couch to sleep on. I have opted to go back to my sister’s house- she lives in upstate New York, Wednesday night and then come back to Boston on Thursday. My reasoning is simple- I don’t think my dad respects my boundaries and the last thing I want to do is be left ALONE in his apartment with him. Especially as since I would be sleeping on the coach, I have no door to close or other way to shut him down other then showing him I’m taking a sleeping pill and going to bed NOW- and I would totally need a full pill to calm me down after my dad.
Again as far as my dad understanding boundaries, he tried to talk to me about access to MY therapist. And I ‘loved’ when he finally told me WHY he wanted to talk to my therapist… the two sentences that stand out are
“The reason i want to talk to Dr. ***** is that i want to be part of the team that helps you and i want him on the team too.” And this made me scratch my head- he wants PROOF that my therapist is on MY side? How does my dad do that- unless my therapist proves himself by NOT talking to my dad and thus proves that the therapist can keep my confidence?
The part that REALLY made me not want to allow my dad to talk my therapist was at the end of his letter when he said “…but I'd like his advice on whether he thinks I'm pushing you too hard or if you actually need a little pushing from someone who cares about you to help you have a better and happier life.” Now to ME that sounds like my dad needs a therapist because it sounds like my dad is looking for approval about his parenting skills. My dad likes pushing me and wants someone to tell him that he’s right to push me.

Then there was the fact that I had plans to talk to someone at my graduate school about helping me plan a way to get a library job. I was hoping this person would help me network or give me some good suggestions but in the back of my mind, on Wednesday, all I could remember is that the last person who ‘helped’ at my grad school’s career center was the one who put me in my January tail spin of depression.

The other thing that had me on edge on Wednesday was I planned on talking to my therapist. He called me a few hours before the session and cancelled… And it was like I had put stuff aside for a week, waiting to talk to him to unbottle it and look at the stuff…and I wouldn’t be getting that release.

However I was able to get myself OUT of my apartment and went to the gym on Wednesday. It was hard for me to do it- but I knew I had to get out and accomplish SOMETHING. So even though it was POURING- and I got soaked both ways… I went to the gym and while running… I tried to find my ‘happy place’ it was very hard to find the happy place- and the closest I got was a bit of a warm fuzzy. The warm fuzzy was the fact that while talking to my sister; I found out that my nephew was looking forward to seeing ME. It’s one thing for me to look forward to seeing him as he is cute and likes Batman… but it felt like something else that I have made enough of an impression on him already for him to WANT to see me. That made me feel good and I tried to focus on that.

AFTER saying how bad Wednesday was… Thursday was like a breath of fresh air. It started with some nice weather… And while I was a bit nervous about meeting the teacher at my grad school, I handled my nervousness myself. I called my father’s wife and I asked her to tell me about the teacher- as my father’s wife was the one who got the teacher’s contact information. My father’s wife went on and on about how SHE deals with her nervousness and how HER book is currently doing and all that, but she was helpful so I did pretend to listen.
I then gave myself PLENTY of time to get to my grad school and her office. I did this because I was pretty sure that I wasn’t sure where her office was… but wanted enough time to BE SURE. I also figured that it being V-D day that there might be some bake sales at the college. There were indeed bake sales but I resisted the temptations.
I had a great meeting with the teacher librarian- she was VERY helpful and ended up giving me about an hour of her time.
I then treated myself to Popeyes for lunch as I was in the neighborhood and TOTALLY in the mood for Popeyes.
Finally- as the weather was so nice on Thursday- I took a nice long walk with my psp. On Wednesday- I forced myself to go to the gym; but on Thursday- it was so nice and I was in a good mood that I took a long walk. I most likely got a better exercise on Wednesday- but I think I might have covered more distance on Thursday.

Finally with boundaries, and the rents- I JUST spoke to my mom, and she pointed out that IF I was going to be in NYC Wednesday and I wasn’t going to see my dad until DINNER- the two of us could hang out. Basically my mom is looking at the pie chart of my being at my sister’s/ in the NYC area and wants as big a piece of the time pie as she can get… Which I understand but at the same time… I let her know that I intend to have SOME time to myself in NYC on Wednesday and I want to have lunch by myself. She seemed to understand… but still… It’s like we currently have NO PLANS for Tuesday and I know she’s going to try and suggest something. Right now I think I’d like Tuesday just to be in upstate NY with my sister and her son; especially as I’m bringing a couple of movies to watch with the 5 year old.

So that’s it- still looking forward to seeing my family but still a bit nervous about it because it is MY family. I am a bit hopeful about the future for the moment- though the hope might be a bit unreasonable… And I was able to ‘get over’ Wednesday no matter how bad I felt- and I think that was cause for celebration.
Sorry for the longish post but a lot of stuff going on in my mind the past two days and not sure when I might next get to blog- as I’ll be away Sunday to Thursday.

Still Microscrewed

2008-02-09T16:34:00.000-05:00

So as part of my day, I called Microsoft Xbox up. I did this because I had decided it had been TOO long since they’d had me on hold- and my DLC still was NOT working unless I was on line. I haven’t been too much in their face about my DLC not working because I’ve been busy looking for a job or cleaning my apartment. And I figure if my 360 doesn’t work PERFECTLY, then I won’t be tempted to buy Mass Effect or Elder Scrolls.
However I did call them, as I wasn’t in a BAD mood today and I figured I could waste an hour, or so, on hold as I tried to get them to fix things for me.
So I got transferred to an Xbox Live Supervisor- as I thought it was a ‘hardware’ problem first.
Now I’m first told to do something wiggy to my hard drive- which I do… and then re download my paid DLC. Now since being on hold for Xbox is a large part of the ‘customer experience’, while on hold I re downloaded the Marvel Hero/Villain pack and try to load my game. I figured this would be a good test as my saved game had two of the characters from the DLC pack…
And I wasn’t able to play my saved game AT ALL. This made me very mad and I complained to the supervisor…
And the supervisor ended up telling me that that the ‘heart of the problem’ was that they need to UPDATE the information about my console--- which made me see RED; as a) I just think I lost my saved Marvel game and b) this was what I was told a month ago… that they needed to update information on THEIR end.
The supervisor of course denied any knowledge of my conversation with them in Jan. and gave me a NEW reference number.
I told him that I would LIKE some Microsoft Points for my troubles… As I’m pretty unhappy with how they’re handling me… And that I don’t plan on buying any more games until they fix this problem.

Found Books

2008-02-08T17:21:00.000-05:00

Ok first-

for the '08 book challange.
Book 2: Subtle Knife by Philip Pullman
Book 3: Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman
Sadly I've put off writing a review about them... Shouldn't put these things off.
So will just say I've read them, Promise to read Adj's reviews of them this weekend and write my book reviews in a more timely fashion from now on.
Suffice to say I rather enjoyed Pullman's series and found it to be much better then the Harry Potter series.

Book 4- This is my Funniest 2 Edited by Mike Resnick.
This is the second collection Resnick has edited asking Science Fiction authors to share THEIR favorite funny story. Highlights included: Alan Dean Fosters’ Frankenstein V. Golem V. Effrit; David Drake’s story based on a Magic Card( who knew that Magic could be that funny); it had a couple of stories about people kissing frogs; The Day the Martels got Cable, was very dated but amusing story about a guy waiting for the cable guy.

Also I wanted to mention while cleaning I found a nice cache of books UNDER my bed; which included the Knowedge Web by James Burke, Inventing a Nation by Gore Vidal, Jewish Literacy by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel( the Marx Brothers lost radio show) and my abnormal psych textbook. Some of these will be added to my list of books to read this year... but thought I'd share the books under my bed as I thought they make an interesting collection.

I listened to peppermenthe

2008-02-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

( peppermenthe mentioned on my LJ that I shouldn't let my dad talk to my therapist in response to my Rules post)

So I got an email this am from my dad- he asked for my threpist's number again... saying he got it wrong or some such.

I read the letter and my first response was HELL NO! followed by a, perhaps it was FATE that made him lose the number.

I thought about answering the letter but put it off. I called my sister as she's been a BIG HELP about setting limits for my parents. I feel I've been calling her a bit too much but I'd rather call her then call my mom.

Especially as another new rule is I'm TRYING not to make fun of my dad or his current wife with my mom. I started that new rule because I didn't think it was right of me to 'gain points' with my mom by being mean to my dad's current wife- even if I do dislike the current wife...
I didn't tell my mom my 'new rule' of trying not to pick on the current wife... but I did tell her I didn't want us to pick on my dad because I don't want to be caught between the two of them anymore.
She seemed to understand this but at the same time, I rolled my eyes when I let slip a compliant about my dad and she pointed out what a one note wonder he is.
I had called my dad yesterday at 5pm, so I could relax after talking to him. My dad then brought up since it was NOT 10 PM if he could bring up the idea of me cleaning my apartment.... because even though I'm getting a service to help me clean( which my MOM is paying for) he's still big on me to clean.

I think that's why I didn't give my dad my therapist's number because if I can't trust him to respect MY boundaries in a normal conversation- how can I trust him with my therapist.

New Rule...

2008-02-04T08:37:00.000-05:00

Ok... I came up with this rule about a week ago- but I keep breaking it.

The rule- NOT talking to my parents after 9pm. Currently I'm taking meds to help me sleep. As I've mentioned here before, I have problems relaxing and sleeping. So I'm taking a somewhat strong medication to help me sleep.
Last week I tried taking something else- and it got me on the side affects.

I answered the phone at 10pm last night because of the game. I had watched the bowl to 'bond' with the family.... as I didn't really care one way or the other. It was a pretty good game and I was prepared to discuss the game with my dad.

My dad however took this time to say HE wanted to talk to my therapist… And I was like WTF? Because the guy is suppose to be MY therapist- I’m going to him because right now I’m suffering from depression. And of course I’m more then a little worried that my dad is going to ‘high jack’ my therapist and tell him what WE should be going over. My social worker already complained about the amount of calls she got from my parents.
The second thing he brought up was the fact that I’ve been stressing about how dirty my place is. Which to be honest- I’m not stressing right now over how dirty it is- but how much my dad and my mom want me to CLEAN it. I want my focus to be to get a job and ‘get better’ but they seem to think that cleaning my apartment is MUCHO importantoto. So I’ve hired a service that should be here in about an hour to help me clean my bathroom and my kitchen. This is of course, STILL not enough for my dad. He felt that at 10 pm, he should tell me- as he knew I was hyperventilating yesterday morning, trying to get things ready for the cleaning service.
So to review- he knows that I’m having problems sleeping- and I’m taking meds for that; and he knows that I was stressing over my cleaning- so he suggests at 10PM that I take an hour each day and clean--- and I should be done in a month.
Yeah.
I felt a bit bad that a) I called back and told him NOT to upset me sooo late. I said I was sorry a bunch of time… but I really tried to tell him that 10pm wasn’t the time to talk about when he was or wasn’t going to talk to my therapist. And b) I reached for the sleeping med. I didn’t go to sleep right away- but I feel bad for using the pills as a crutch.

So again I’m going to try to stop answering the phone around 9pm.

Mantra?

2008-02-01T17:34:00.000-05:00

Ok....

does anyone have a mantra that I could borrow?

It could be well worn... or new and shiney.

I don't care.

I just was on the T, and was wet and cranky.

And I couldn't find a happy place.

Or maybe I did.

I told myself- this too shall past, and things will get better.

So until someone gives me a better mantra I'm going to try and make - 'Things will get better' my mantra. I don't think it's me... but maybe I can make it fit.

Comic Cancelation.

2008-01-21T17:59:00.000-05:00

I know I’ve been a bit too quiet here the past week or two.

I’m not sure what to say- save for that I’ve been depressed, I didn’t go to the library conference and I AM seeking professional help.

Part of my reluctance to blog about this is I don’t want to worry people- which I think will happen if I lay things out on the table. I’m also a tad reluctant because I recently commented about an author’s work on my LJ and was DAMN surprised that they found my blog and commented on it- so I don’t feel the safety of the anonymity of my blog right now- and don’t want just ANYONE stumbling across some stuff.

So maybe in a month or more- I’ll post more about my depression BEHIND a private LJ post. IF I do that- I’ll think about allowing Evan to let Aimee know what I posted.

In the mean time- I wanted to let you guys know that while I was anxious today (a sort of normal feeling for me these days)…. I went my local comic book store, I bought all the comics in my sub and I closed my sub.
Let me state that since I am currently BARELY employed- I have been lectured by both my folks that though they will help me out… They both have made it VERY CLEAR that they don’t want me buying comics.
Now I will admit that as I was going to the comic book store today to buy my comics- part of me was like ‘screw them’, I have some money- I can fuck around with my budget, and I need SOMETHING to make me happy.
On the other hand I’ve gotten rid of at least 5 boxes of comics in the past few weeks, figuring they weren’t even worth putting on Ebay. Also on the side of NO COMICS is the fact that my Dad came up and ‘helped’ me clean my apartment last Tuesday. I really wasn’t in the position to say no- and still feel a bit like he saw stuff I didn’t want him to see…And he saw what sorta crap I have in my apartment.
That said the two deciders for me to cancel my sub was- a) the poor quality of comics. I know that it had been more then a month since I picked up comics (I had two Jack of Fables) and I had EIGHT comics. As I cancelled my sub, I apologized to the manager of the store, pointing out that I didn’t have a job …BUT all the while pointing out how crappy I think comics are (none of the 8 was a mainstream Super comic)… not caring who dies in Final Crisis (of Superman, WW, Flash, GL, Hawkman and Bats- it HAS to be Hawkman…) and not caring who’s a skrull( esp. as it won’t be Tony).
The other decider- and perhaps I shouldn’t say this because of my fear of being ‘found out’ is that in this digital age- I can DOWNLOAD any recent comic I want. So if I really want to do more then flip through a comic- I can go to a bit torrent site and download it.

That said- I do plan to buy the final issue of Y the last Man… whenever that comes out… and I hope to have a full time job or find a way to budget for the next Invincible or PS 238 Trades.
And I feel REAL GOOD with my decision because- 1) I have a huge video library and am deciding if $15 for netflix is doable 2) I have a bunch of books- AND a library card… and 3) I do have a bunch of comics that I can re-read that are full of wonderful nostalgia.

That’s it now. Will try to find a way to balance things so I either email adj and evan on a regular basis- or find time to blog… even if it’s just to blog what book I’m reading ( up to my 4th book of 2008, but haven’t finished the reviews of 2 and 3( the second and third books of the Dark Materials/ Golden Compass trilogy).

my day.

2008-01-07T17:58:00.000-05:00

I went to my grad school’s employment center to ask them to look at my resume and offer me any advice for the library convention I’m planning on going to.

I came home WAY more depressed then I could imagine… as it was pointed out that my resume reeks of flop sweat- i.e. haven’t had a library job in 7 years. She went on and pointed out that I most likely wasn’t UP TO DATE on library stuff and it showed.

I called my mom, depressed, and left a message to let her know that a) I was depressed, b) I had gotten advice on my resume, c) it was AGAIN pointed out to me that I should be volunteering at a library and d) to thank her for the belt she got me. I thought d) was important because I felt it’s important to say thank you.
She called me back and tried to cheer me up by: 1) reminding me that I’ve been told LOTS of times to find time to volunteer, 2) that I should make SURE that while balancing work, volunteer work and life- that I don’t FORGET to exercise, 3) that I’m not unique and she had to balance work, kids, our school meetings- and various other meetings, 4) that I shouldn’t go to the library convention in Philly if I depressed… because that would accomplish NOTHING.

Because you know NOTHING cheers someone up like reminding them that you won’t love them if they’re fat, they’re not unique, and oh they should CHEER UP GOD DAMN IT otherwise NO ONE WILL HIRE THEM.

So yeah, surprised I’m still around as I really wonder sometimes why I haven’t yet ‘given up’.

A year in books

2008-01-07T13:51:00.000-05:00

Book 35- Holidays are Hell. This seems to me to be second in a ‘series’ of short story collections (the first one was book #13 of this year Dates from Hell). I think I’m further justified in calling this a series because Lynsay Sands story in Holidays are Hell is clearly a sequel to her story in Dates from Hell). I borrowed the book from the library because of the first story- which was written by Kim Harrison (just like I borrowed the first book in the ‘series’ because of her)… and I loved Kim’s story about Rachel Morgan. And again to mirror Dates… Rachel’s story starts before the first book in Kim Harrison’s series about Rachel.
I should mention that while I didn’t like Lynsay’s story, I liked the other two writers in this book better then I liked the other stories in Dates from Hell. In fact I went so far as to check on line for Marjorie Liu’s other work… but after seeing that it was labeled “paranormal romance” I’ve decided to pass. While I’m willing to have a bit of romance in my paranormal… I fear that it would be more of romance then paranormal- or at least more romance than I can deal with.

Book 36- The Centaur by John Updike. This is the third book that I re-read this year. I first read it ages ago in High School and though I barely remember reading it the first time, I think I came to it from a totally different direction. It’s ‘based’ on the story of Chiron and Prometheus. The first time I read it, I was big into Greek mythology. There is an index in the back of my copy of The Centaur to clue you into who is who in the book- i.e.- Principal Zimerman=Zeus… and I know when I first read it- I was flipping back and forth with the index so that I could make sure I ‘got’ the reference.
I still like Greek myths but I don’t remember the last time I read a book about mythology. So this time, I read it straight through… not as a ‘retelling’ of a Greek myth but as a story of a ‘working class’ teacher who’s trying to teach his students and raise his kid.
I thought it was a bit ‘weird’ as it mixed Greek mythology with American history. Not in a melding like Gaiman does in his books but in juxtaposition. For example there is a scene at the beginning of the book where Chiron=Caldwell is talking to Vera=Venus and he mentions both his mythological origin and how he grew up in New Jersey.
Very glad I re-read this book, especially as I’ve been meaning to re-read it for YEARS. Odds are I’ll end up borrowing the first of Updike’s Rabbit series from the library this year- as I liked this book and have never read his Rabbit series.

Book 37- The intersection of Law and Desire by J.M. Redmann. This is the 3rd book in the Misty Knight Quadrilogy. I say Quadrilogy as there are 4 books in the series. I sort of hope Redmann writes more but considering the 4th book was written in 1999 and the second and third books I bought were reprints( where Redmann apologizes for the changes in technology and how Mickey doesn’t have a cell phone nor do most of the other characters). This book took a bit longer then it should’ve to finish. On the one hand, I’ve been mismanaging my days since I quit my job (big surprise there as I’m very bad with time management); but on the other hand I was worried about the choices Mickey was making, and so I often paused. While I thought she was ‘in character’ never the less, I still worried about her- and I think that’s why I love Redmann as an author, she has created a damaged heroine that I really CARE for, and want to have a happy ending.
So I’m on the fence about getting the 4th book in the series- as that’s the last book she’s written thus far, and once I’m done with that- I’ll be done with Mickey.

Book 38- Golden Compass by Philip Pullman. Well I have to say I liked this series BETTER then I did the Potter series. To put it concisely- I felt that Pullman is a better writer. I often had a problem with Rowlings as I felt in a 7 book series- it would be nice if she reminded us once in a while what had gone on before and gave more descriptions about the world she was creating. While Rowlings had a lot of action- she didn’t have a lot of character description.
Now I’m not sure how well Pullman will remind us in the second book what happened in the first- but his world seemed more alive. He created a world and characters that I felt were colorful and interesting. I was glad that when I asked my niece, and I still think it’s a little odd that last year I gained an 11 year old niece, she agreed with me that the Golden Compass was a better read then the potter series- but like me she’s just read the first book.
For people who are thinking of seeing the movie and/or reading the book… See the movie first. I and a friend saw the movie- he hasn’t read the book and I did it AFTER I read the book. He enjoyed the movie more then I did… I checked this fact with my niece and she agreed with me- she didn’t like some of the changes of the movie. The change SHE hated the most was the fact that they didn’t have the cliffhanger ending. I knew that they had cut the ending, to make it more ‘marketable’ but I still didn’t like they way they cut corners in the story telling.
I also want to mention that I thought it was interesting the classism in the book. At the beginning of the book, it points out that the daemons of the SERVENT class are all dogs. The dog imagine is reinforced when we see the Tartars (think Cossacks) in the north and they all have vicious attack DOGS. This made me wonder what wage slave retail daemons would be… but then I remembered that in Golden Compass your daemon ‘picks a shape’ at about puberty- and as I wouldn’t know at 13 that I would be a retail wage slave- that wouldn’t factor into things.
But I still wonder what sorta daemon I would have. Any guesses? On MY daemon or YOURS?

So that’s it for my book count for ’07. I did start another book BUT I didn’t finish it in ’07 so I’m counting it as the first book of ’08.
Before that however… I think I did pretty good with my goal- while the contest was ’50 books’ I set my sights a bit lower for 40 books as more realistic goal--- as I figured with my video game systems, job, job search, TV, Netflix and other assorted distractions 40 would be a good goal… And I did come CLOSE to 40 with my 38. Several books were over 400 pages( like Harry, Panther in the Sky and the Walter Jon Williams trilogy that I started the year with) but I was going for BOOKS not PAGE COUNTS- as I felt it would be hard to compare pages what with some books being hardcovers and some paperbacks and all sorts of margins( heck because of margins I threw a book out as the margins were just too darn small). So we’ll see if ’08, I’ll read as much as ’07, not sure as not having the job might help or hinder my reading time. Also a minus to my book time is I asked, and received, a subscription to the New Yorker for Hannuka which I started getting in the mail last week.
However, what I’m more proud of then hitting 38- is I have a record of the books I read in ’07. I told my dad I was very happy with keeping a diary of my reading. I didn’t tell him I was BLOGGING them, as I don’t want him to know I blog… Merely that I’ve tried to keep a record of a couple of paragraphs about what I read, who wrote it and how I liked it. When I told him I was keeping a diary of my books- he figured I was writing a page or two… but I think the record I’ve kept is good enough. Perhaps my entries MIGHT have been a bit longer if I didn’t blog them- as I made a point NOT to spoil any book… but I doubt it, as I’m sorta lazy and really I just want a general record of what I read and whether I liked it or didn’t like it.

Book 1- Many Bloody Returns- edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L.P. Kelner.
This is another ‘supernatural’ short story collection. The ‘hook’ to this collection is NOT romance (though there is some of that) but BIRTHDAYS, as the editors thought it would be interesting to combine the celebration of LIFE with DEATH- i.e. vampires.
To me the most memorable stories are the two I borrowed the book for- Charlaine Harris’ story of Sookie- her heroine, and Jim Butcher’s story with Harry Dresden. Tanya Huff’s story was ok- but I feel I liked Vicky from the Blood series better then Tony from her Smoke series (and Tony’s the one in this collection). One of my favorite short stories was the last one by Toni L.P. Kelner- it has a Vampire taking her whelp to visit her grave on her birthday. However considering it had a good amount of ROMANCE and she seems best known for the ROMANCE (it lists several of her romance awards before her story), I doubt I’ll borrow any of her books from the library.
Oh and I was amused that they dedicated the book to Joss Whedon-“ who may never read it, and to his enthusiastic fans known as the Buffybuds, who will”. Didn’t know I was a Buffybud.

Philly

2008-01-01T20:39:00.000-05:00

So over my ‘X-Mas Vacation’ I found out that there’s a library convention next weekend in Philly.
So while I’ve done very little actual job search between X-Mas and New Year’s, I have booked a train ride for Thursday the 10th, so I can be fresh for Friday, and I booked a hotel room for Thursday and Friday- coming back on the LAST train on Saturday( leaves at 5:??pm and gets back here around midnight).
At first I figured that ‘most’ of my holiday money was going to this trip… but as things have gone on, the bills have pilled up. First is transportation, then hotel, add renewing my ALA membership (which I have to do tomorrow) and BUYING a ticket to the convention. Those were the up front prices, I’ve since added: buying card stock so I can print my own business cards, buying a new RED shirt to go with my blue sports jacket, getting a new pair of pants altered, and I’ve tried to talk to the person who does my resume so that she could update it. All of this money for the HOPE that I’ll get some sort of job nibble at the convention.

So tomorrow I’ll (hopefully) be going to my grad school for help and advice on how to get a job lead/ help and advice at the convention in Philly.

Oh and FYI- I found out about this convention because my father’s current wife is going to be there hocking HER new book. She’s made it clear that she wouldn’t mind hanging with me… and I’ve tried to be nice and point out that I’ll be there to get WORK… that I’ll be a bundle of nerves and not sure how much I can hang out with her.

So there it is- will be busy getting ready and stressing over going to Philly from Thursday to Saturday (will be working at the game store on Sunday). And what money I have will be going to that- esp. as I realized I should check to see if my suit/jacket/shirts need to go to the cleaners.

Microscrewed

2008-01-01T15:22:00.000-05:00

I need at this point in my life LESS stress, not more… Which is why I’m pissed off at Microsoft. After I sent in my last letter to them, which was my last post here, I got a letter from Microsoft telling me how to connect to Xbox Live.
Let me repeat that. In my letter to them I had two lists- my first list starts with:

When I turned my Xbox 360 on, there is NO game in it and it is NOT connected to Xbox Live, I got the following message: “Sign In: One Profile found”.

And then goes on about what I can’t do while not connected.
Now before I started my second list; I tell them:

I then disconnected my computer and unplugged my modem for a bit. I plugged my Xbox 360 into my modem and plugged my modem back into it’s power supply.

I then went on to explain how I logged onto Xbox Live and was THEN able to access all the dlc I wasn’t able to access while NOT connected.

So I got pretty pissed off when I got Microsoft’s response:

We apologize for the inconvenience and as I understand, you cannot see or play previously downloaded premium content, such as Xbox Live Arcade games, content from Video Marketplace, game maps, game levels, or game objects, when you are not signed in to Xbox Live.

Typically, this behavior occurs if you try to use premium content that is stored on a storage device, such as an Xbox 360 Hard Drive or an Xbox 360 Memory Unit, and you use that storage device on a different console than the console that you used when you downloaded the content.

Additionally, this behavior will occur if a console has been repaired or exchanged and the console ID has changed.

To use this downloaded premium content on a different console than the console that the content was downloaded to, follow these steps:
1. Connect the storage device that contains the content to the Xbox 360 console.
2. Verify that the console is connected to a high-speed Internet connection.
3. Use your gamertag to sign in to Xbox Live.
4. Access the content.

If you still cannot access the content while not connected to Xbox Live, please call Xbox Customer Support.

If you exchanged your console at a retail store, you will need to call Xbox Customer Support to have your Console ID manually updated on your content licenses.

Now I got pissed because EACH letter I’ve sent them has told them UP FRONT that my problem started when THEY sent me a new Xbox 360.
I also loved the fact that they explain to me how to connect to Xbox Live and access the content--- AGAIN AFTER I went in great detail about how I could access my stuff online.

So I called Xbox Customer Support. They told me that it takes 30 days for them to UPDATE my information about the change in my console. I told them that I was sort of unhappy with things- as I think any ONE of the emails that were sent to me could’ve mentioned- “please allow 30 days for us to update the software… after that time you should have access to your dlc.” This especially irks me because I’ve thought at some time in the future I might want a 360 with an HDMI cable. My console is ‘HDMI Ready’ but not HDMI… so I don’t think I’d want to buy the HD DVD drive that would connect to the 360 unless I had a TRUE HDMI 360.
Then again the chances of me being able to AFFORD a HD DVD drive are slim. Right now I’d settle for getting $70 together to by an upconverting DVD player.

Oh and I did just email Microsoft- and I told them I was unhappy with the email responses I’ve gotten and can they a) confirm that things should be set about 30 days from when they sent me my 360 and b) confirm that I’d get better customer service if I used the phone support.

Documentation

2007-12-31T08:43:00.000-05:00

Ok… There have been many things that I’ve wanted to blog about for the past few days- but time and energy have been against me. So, I’m going to start by blogging about my Xbox 360 and then I hope to blog more later BUT want to make each thought a separate post.
In my last post about my 360, I mentioned that I was having problems using the PAID downloaded content when I wasn’t connected to Xbox Live. I since emailed Xbox customer support. I emailed them instead of phoning, as I can’t deal with them on the phone esp. as it took me over an hour( with waiting time) with them for them to confirm that they had sent my Xbox to the wrong address( I wanted them to send it to my place of work, and they sent it to my apartment). So I got a letter from them with the following:

I’m sorry to hear that you’re having problems with your connectivity. Please provide us with more specific details. This is so we can check what is causing the problem to occur and further give you the correct steps to resolve the issue. If you are getting an error message, what exactly is it? What is the behavior of the status indicator light on your wireless networking adapter? Does this issue occur on specific games? What are these games? Also, we need to know your connection type, ISP, modem and router brand to better assist you.

Now this sort of blew my mind. I didn’t see my problem being ‘connectivity’, I saw my problem as THEY could not fix my Xbox, they sent me a ‘new’ Xbox 360 and when I attached it to my 20 gig hard drive- the hard drive and console didn’t seem to ‘talk’ to each other as well as my previous 360- so I have to ‘sign in’ each time I use my 360.
However, they asked me for my ‘error messages’… so I went about trying to document ALL possible error messages. I felt like I was perhaps channeling adj as I took about 45 min to go out of my way to find error messages while NOT connected to Xbox Live. Before I tried this, I had only tried to play Rumble Roses off line… But now as I was interested in documenting stuff… I also put Marvel: Ultimate Alliance as it had Dr. Doom- paid dlc, as part of my saved team. So I put my Xbox 360 through it’s paces… trying everything I could think of and documenting it- so I could tell Microsoft what side the error messages appeared on and what they said.
Then a couple of days later, I came back to the 360 and plugged into Xbox Live and then tried EVERYTHING I had tried when it wasn’t connected… and I wrote down that most of the dlc was now working… But again I felt it was best to DOCUMENT everything so that Microsoft could understand what was going on. I ended up numbering the unconnected tests and lettering the tests when I was connected to Xbox Live so that they would be able to figure out semi easy whether I was connected or not during each part of the test… I wrote all the unconnected tests first and then the connected tests: so it read 1-5 and then A to G. Because while I wanted to differentiate between the two tests, with numbers and letters, I figured it would be best to tell them all the tests Unconnected and then all the tests connected Finally since they were mentioning things like ISP, F was me going to the Xbox Live Connection menu on my Xbox 360, while connected, and wrote down my IP address, Primary and Secondary DNS Servers and anything else that came up on the connection menu.
I have yet to hear from Microsoft (I sent the letter on Friday morning) but I am happy with my methodology. Though I will end this blog by pointing out I think I might’ve found the answer to my problems. While documenting EVERYTHING, I found an interesting menu option- ‘Recover Gametag from Xbox Live’. I’m not sure/ sorta now doubt that ‘recover gametag from Xbox Live’ is what I want to do… but in conclusion to my letter- I let them know I got that option.
That’s that for my 360 until they answer me. I’m glad that these problems kept me from getting Elder Scrolls, because I think the last thing I’d want is to be unemployed with a deep RPG video game. As it is I’ve spent too much time playing Untold Legends on my psp… and yeah I find it amusing that I’m shunning my 360 AT HOME and playing my psp.

Lucky?

2007-12-24T09:04:00.000-05:00

Not sure where my brain is the past few days. I’ve just been sort of moody and out of sorts…
And tired. I have problems sleeping when I’m out of sorts… So I’ve been having problems sleeping which muck up my energy levels for the day, which gets into a vicious cycle- of not sleeping due to being anxious, then not doing enough during the day because I’m tired, which leads to not sleeping well because I didn’t do enough during the day and still feel anxious.
I did however start today’s blog by trying to say in a non sarcastic way that I feel lucky. I have been told by my father and my older brother that I am a lucky person- and for the most part I have ignored them. I mean I look at the neo cons who’s shit don’t stick to them( like Rush getting a light sentence for drug use and then calling for all POOR drug users to be locked up for life), and the fact that Coultergist can buy a house costing over a million dollars- which she got with hate speech and I don’t feel all that lucky.

However, as I’ve quit my second job in a decade- the first being Staples in 2004… I guess I am lucky. While I’m worried about where my life is going and what my next job will be- and what exactly in my apartment is a) junk that just needs to get thrown away vs. b) junk that I could get a few dollars on ebay for vs. c) junk I want to keep…. I am lucky because right now I’m not worried about living out on the street. Yes- I have mixed feeling about getting on a train today and seeing my mom today, and my dad and his wife tomorrow… But I get on the train knowing that I have rent covered for next month and not TOO worried about paying my rent for the next month or two. And I realize that I’m not worried as much about money as I should be because I have some. And I also know that my father will be giving me money for the holidays and my mother has said she’ll help me.
So while I fear for my sanity with my family- I know in some way they sorta mean well and are being financially supportive- which is why I feel lucky… Because I was able to leave the job at the electronics store and NOT worry as much as I would if my family wasn’t helping me pay my bills.

Couldn't last two days

2007-12-19T07:22:00.000-05:00

I’m not proud of my actions today… but I feel I need to say here…

I quit my new job. I first emailed them that I wasn’t feeling well and that I wasn’t coming in today…
Then I realized that I was just putting things off and that I’d go to bed stressed tonight… Not that I won’t be stressed tonight…
But I’d like to think I made the right choice.

However, I don’t trust my judgment.
For instance, as I said in my last post, I called my older brother about how to break the news to our parents if/when I quit.
He’s now mad at me because after telling me his advice, which was not to care what our parents think and to keep the job… I told him, as I often tell my dad, that I don’t want to talk anymore I want to be left alone.
And like our dad, he decided that I wasn’t thankful enough. He even called me( after I unplugged the phone so I wouldn’t have to talk to him), and told me he understood our dad getting pissed at me because I yell at my dad and then hang up.
I should mention that in the three conversations I had with my brother last night- I did say goodbye all three times. It’s not like I cut him off and just hung up while he was in the middle of a conversation.
So I sent my brother a letter- telling him that I was sorry that I didn’t thank him properly, but at the same time I was calling because I needed help and it was about me that I was calling and not about him.
I felt like saying- but didn’t- that when his daughter needs help, she is NOT going to give him validation and thanks… that it will be part of his job description to help her unconditionally. But I didn’t say that because I didn’t want to bring her into it.
Though I did find it interesting that he basically said in the conversation that he doesn’t want to get married and he’s doing it all because his gal pal gave him a child and SHE wants to be married.

My Jorb Sux

2007-12-18T20:18:00.000-05:00

I can NOT deal with the new job.

I can't deal with my life.

And when I was stupid enough to ask my older brother for advice- to tell our mom that I was quitting the new job...
He mentioned that I was being irrational.
I told a friend of mine that I called- and he pointed out that calling my older brother was irrational, which I guess it was.

But right now my big fear is that my irrationalness will turn into acting on my suicidal thoughts.
At the gift store I was able to think that the job would be better if ONLY something bad happened to Kenny but at this new store… it all sucks.

I can’t deal with the fact that I have a master’s and my job is basically buying video games and electronics from thieves and druggies.

I hate my life.

Addition:
My brother called me after I wrote this, I answered his call- he told me that he felt it shouldn't matter to me what our folks thought, that x-mas was just a construct, as was marriage. He went on to suggest that I try to get my old job back or just keep at the job. I then told I didn't really want to think about it... he suggested that we talk about something else. I told him I just wanted to be left alone. Said goodbye and then hung up.
He then called back and told me that I should be MORE THANKFUL to him for him 'wasting' 15 min. of his life.
I told him I wanted to be alone.
Called a friend to tell him how stupid I was for even THINKING of calling my brother... and then unplugged my phone.
So I've added the older brother tag... and even though I then read a book for a bit... I'm still thinking about him and the job...
And trying to decided exactly WHAT I'll regret doing by friday.

Toxic Love

2007-12-16T10:31:00.000-05:00

The ‘support’ from my mom about my new job has come in two toxic forms.
The first was her asking me if I’ll still be able to get to the gym enough with the new job. One of my best friends (who has actually met all three of my father’s wives) feels that this goes to the fact that my mom will indeed love ME less if I’m fat. I put the emphases on ME because even at my fattest- I think she gave ME more crap then she gave her husband about HIS weight( he's been out of shape for a while having 'let himself go' in his old age). Heck, right now I’m in better shape then my older brother- and I don’t think I’ve heard a negative word from her about him which goes to the fact that HE is her favorite… Because as I see it she should get on him even more as he needs to be in good health to bring up his daughter and two step daughters.
And as I type the last part- I got a wicked smile on my face- due to sexist double standards. See my older brother just proposed and I don’t think word ONE has been mentioned that he might want to lose weight so he ‘looks good for his big day.’

The second toxic love was a phone call today where she said she “hoped [I] made the right choice” about the new job. I was like WTF? Bite your tongue to suggest that I’m making the wrong choice. I explained that I’ll be making more $ at the new job and that I’m getting out of the gift store on my own steam. I tried to explain to her that Kenny has been writing people up left and right and one of my EX assistant managers a few months ago (before she left) actually advised me to take a pay CUT to get out of the gift store as the ex- assitant manager felt that I had no protection in the manager from Kenny and that Kenny was out to get me…. It just really bothered me NOT that my mom has no faith in me, but that she would VOICE her lack of faith TO ME… Like she’s hoping I fail or something. Nevermind that I told her I’m getting a raise and FULL health care- she’s worried that since it’s a NEW company they might fail and then where would I be. I pointed out to her that I feel that them being NEW means that there’s room for me to GROW.
I just feel she should’ve kept her yap shut as I’m starting a new job and want POSTIVIE thoughts not her ‘worrys’ no matter how ‘reasonable’ she thinks they are.

X-Boxed

2007-12-13T21:36:00.000-05:00

I got my Xbox on Tuesday… as promised. It came at about 1pm. I opened the box just to make sure it was in the box. There was indeed an Xbox 360 in the box… as well as two pieces of paper and a free one month Xbox Live Gold card. I then check the side of the box… You see a part of me was hoping that they could NOT fix my Xbox and would send me a new one. I had hoped this because MY 360 was ‘hdmi READY’ but didn’t have a true hdmi port. When I bought my Xbox I didn’t have a HD TV and I don’t know if the Xbox’s had hdmi port- so that didn’t matter to me… BUT of course, now I have an HD TV… I felt that it would make my life easier because I would then be able to get the $200- HD DVD expansion to the 360… instead of spending way more money for a next gen DVD player. So I was a bit disappointed to notice that the port was the same a/v port as before. My disappoint grows as I check out the two notes one tells me that I got a NEW Xbox as they couldn’t fix my old one and that’s why they gave me the free one month upgrade to Xbox Live Gold. The other explains how to “re program” my controller. Now as it was about 1:30 after I had finished unpacking the box… I left it on the floor, got lunch and ran a few errands. I didn’t want my WHOLE day to be Xbox. I get home at about 6pm, and have a melt down as my “new” Xbox (I put quotes as it was made in ’05) won’t turn on. I call Xbox Support… and end up on hold for a bit, and I’m convinced that the guy on the other end can’t help me. I end up, by mistake, hanging up on the Xbox Representative… and then by myself figure out that the ‘on’ button just needs to be pushed harder then I remember. Not a big deal… AND I’m able to program the controller by myself. So I check that I can play a game (rumble roses) and that I can play movies… and then I go to bed because the day ended up taking a good deal out of me.
So I watch a little TV on Wednesday, but I don’t play any video games. This morning I feel like a bit of Rumble Roses before work… So I turn it on and THIS TIME I notice something. Something that really bugs me.
See along with hearing about the ‘red ring of death’ I had heard that Xbox gets real picky about their download content. As they don’t want you like somehow ‘re downloading’ it at a friend’s house and so s/he can have the dlc… So if you change machines for some reason, you are then required to be LOGGED ON to Xbox Live in order to enjoy your dlc. I didn’t think twice about this- as I had kept MY hard drive… so I assumed that since I wasn’t trying to RE download stuff… I’d be fine. This is not the case. See each time I turn my Xbox on- it basically tells me that I’m not logged onto Xbox live and I have to ‘log on’. And so even though I haven’t changed hard drives… when I looked for my DLC while playing Rumble Roses ‘off line’ it wasn’t there.
I find this very annoying. Currently my modem can be for EITHER my computer OR my Xbox. Both can’t go in at the same time… And so if I want to play my games with the dlc (that I *paid* for) I have to disconnect my computer from the modem and connect my Xbox.
I see two solutions. One, a co-worker suggested I pay for a router. Two is I talk to the cable company. You see when I had them install my ‘phone’ line… since I didn’t have my computer, they could only set up THAT modem for my phone. So if I paid the cable company to send someone to make the phone modem also my computer modem, then I could make my computer modem exclusively my Xbox modem. Either way I’m still not happy as I don’t like the idea that I PAID Xbox for this content and for nothing that was MY fault, I now have to have my Xbox ‘online’ whenever I want to play.
Bleh.

All sorts of Emotions

2007-12-11T11:55:00.000-05:00

Ok… I find it very odd that I am a stress cat.
A chuck of it- I think PART of this insanity- is the insanity of my Xbox.
As I implied in my last post- Microsoft, rather then following MY directions shipped my 360 to my apartment instead of to the game store- which pissed me off to NO END… Especially as A) I did EVERYTHING in my power when they shipped the empty box to my apartment to make sure they shipped it to my work and B) while on the phone with them last Thursday( for the previously mentioned 77 minutes) they told me that my address in their computer was indeed the game store address.
So last Thursday- I go online to UPS and I tell them to deliver the Xbox TODAY (Tuesday)… as I’m off today. I get up at my usually ‘early’ time of 6 AM… and then at about 8 am I go downstairs and leave the previous UPS slip down there. You see when they tried to deliver the Xbox 360 they complained that it didn’t have my apartment number, so I brought the slip down and wrote my apartment number down. TWICE! Once with an arrow from the question Apt ? and the other writing “Apt.#”. So at 10 am, I go downstairs just to have a look about… I don’t really expect anything- esp. as on Thursday they tried to deliver around 1:30… but I’m sort of obsessive compulsive about certain things… Like making sure I get my package.
And sure enough- the UPS guy showed up somewhere between 8-10am. He had put two slips up for two other people. MY slip was still on the door untouched and I’m like WTF? So I come back upstairs, get a note card (in hindsight, should’ve just used a piece of scrap paper instead of wasting a note card)… and write down my tracking number and UPS’ 1-800 number. I LEFT the UPS slip with my apartment number downstairs because the LAST thing I want to happen is to find out that the package was given to another driver, who then tries to deliver my package but CAN NOT because he doesn’t have my apartment number (like mentioned above I get a tad obsessive where getting packages are concerned.). I then called UPS and told them my woes: that they had tried to deliver the package on Thursday, that I had asked them to deliver it today, that I left the slip with my apartment number downstairs, and that I saw that A driver came between 8am and 10am. The UPS operator (and FYI- like many automated menus they don’t seem to have an option ‘talk to a PERSON!’) told me that he’d have someone from my ‘local’ UPS location call me within the hour. I made him confirm that he had in the UPS that the package is to be delivered TODAY… and ask him if there’s anything I can do besides recall the number I just called if I haven’t heard back after an hour and ½… and he basically said no to that.
After a ½ hour- which I used to write the above a bit of the below I got a call. Caller ID called it an ‘unknown’ but I picked it up- HOPING it was UPS, which it was. The woman on the other end confirmed that the driver did NOT try and deliver my package. She told me that he was delivering UPS air or some such… Basically his truck wasn’t full, so he didn’t have MY package and he’d be back. She could NOT confirm when he’d be here. She said he usually was on my street after 1pm but when I asked her if she could guarantee that he wouldn’t show up while I tried to grab lunch- she could not… And so I’d rather stay here until 3pm (or so) and get my 360 then grab a bite and be SOL (that said tempted to get fish and chips from the pizzeria on the corner).

The rest of my antsy stressing is from the job switch. I’m had some weird thoughts about the jobs. I mean I slept ULTA poorly on Sunday night (maybe about 4 hours). I think it’s odd that I seem sort of giddy about the new job even though it’s going to be another retail job… Like maybe it will be a new chapter in my life or something.
I gave one week’s notice at the gift store on Saturday. And I was sort of nervous about it. I left the house fairly early as I wanted to go to a Mexican place near the gift store for lunch( as I like it and figure I’ll be going to it A LOT less now that I don’t work nearby). I also wanted to check out an exhibit, so I’m in the area and store early. And of course, the manager is running late- and I KNOW I should not say anything to anybody until I give my manager my letter of resignation. Actually I thought it was funny that as he was opening it- I blurted out it was my letter of resignation. He asked why? Then realized that he could read the note and started doing so. I didn’t tell him that I had a problem with his management ‘style’ or his management crew ( aka Kenny and the Receiver); I just point out that I’ve been at the gift store for 2 years- which is a long time in retail and that I’ve found another job. He asked me if he could tell people or if I wanted to do it. I told him it could be both- as I knew he had to tell Kenny as I wasn’t going to be in on Sunday and Kenny needed to know to change the schedules he might have me on. On the other hand I made sure I told the two co-workers whom were working that day that I was leaving. At the end of Saturday- of course everyone knew, by being told by either me or the manager or someone else working. I also figured that the grapevine would take care of the rest- and sure enough on Monday- most everybody had heard.
FYI- I’ve been making sure NOT to tell people where I’m working. I’ve let people know that I’m private… and the people who I like understand that I don’t want the word getting back to Kenny.
So yesterday was a tad odd. I still was double checking that people I liked knew, and if they didn’t telling them. I also found the Receiver to be amusing. See he griped abit about Kenny and I pointed out that I realized I don’t care about Kenny anymore. As I was tossing and turning Sunday night I realized that while I still hold a grudge against the fat cow from Staples and was SOO HAPPY when I heard she was fired; Kenny not so much. Yeah, I dislike Kenny and the Receiver- and if I was manager they’d be fired… My hatred of Kenny isn’t as strong as saying my burning hatred of Billo.
Likewise I was amused when the Receiver replied to my declaration that I’m letting go of my hatred of Kenny as I don’t have to deal with him… That HE felt that Kenny was getting to be a better worker and took credit for same. The Receiver likewise amused me when he relived me for my break yesterday… I was lucky enough to work an exhibit, instead of the main store with Kenny, for most of the day so I was working by myself and reading a book connected to the exhibit… So I got amused when I found out the Receiver had brought up his own book and was reading it while covering his break. As he didn’t catch me reading (was good about it)… he started apologizing- and I was like I don’t give a darn.
It feels REAL good that I’m letting go of stuff at the gift store. I doubt I’ll be divested of all my baggage by next Monday (when I start my next job) but am sure it will take me less time to get over the gift store crap then it did the Staples crap.

So that leaves me with two other thoughts going through my noggin about my new job-
The first is my figuring out how much money I’m going to be out of in the short term… as my salary goes down $1.25 for the first three months before going up $.75 more then the gift store.
So if X=gift store salary and Y= next week’s salary and Z= ‘post probation’ check then
Y= X- $1.25 and Z= X+.75. Or to put it another way Z= Y + $2.
Now realize that Y and Z might end up being a tad more then the above- that gets into more advanced math. You see the amounts above are in a vacuum- so X- doesn’t take into account fica, taxes, and my insurance. And that is where Y and Z get a bit more of a bump. See at the gift store I have to put in a certain amount each week into medical, dental and vision. At the new job a) I wont have insurance for the first 3 months so I will be ‘saving’ that money and b) I get FULL medical, no dental and no vision at the new store… So I’ll have medical again in three months but I still won’t be paying for it.
So that said- not happy that I’ll be ‘losing’ a few hundred over 3 months… but will end up better for it at the other end.
And that leads( in a long fashion) to one of those self aware moments as I realized I negotiated harder with the manager of the gift store for my salary then I did with my ‘new’ manager. I think this is very odd as technically I NEEDED the gift store job more then the new one- as I was unemployed at the time. However, and this is part of the self awareness and perhaps part of my giddiness, I want my new job more then I wanted the job at the gift store. For me the gift store was JUST another retail job… so I wanted a bit more money. I didn’t present it to the manager as a ‘deal breaker’, just after he offered me W- which was 25 cents more then I was getting paid at Staples I asked for more. I pointed out that while he was offering MORE then Staples it wasn’t THAT much more and I’d have to pay more for my commute… Never mind the fact that I wasn’t working at Staples. I did this because I felt I deserved more… and also that the quarter raise wasn’t really cost of living increase.
Meanwhile for some reason, I want this new job… and so I’m willing to take the 75 cents… Especially because, as I pointed out to the Manager (I think) the 75 cents raise is better then what I’m going to get from the gift store in March. See the gift store only gives out raises all at once in March… and last year they gave me( and a couple of others) a quarter. So I can deal with the ONLY 75 cents raise as it’s still 3x what I would’ve expect from the gift store.
I just feel I almost should kick myself for showing NO negotiation skills. I accepted what I was offered- just making sure of medical and the fact that I’d be getting my 32 hours while on probation. Heck I haven’t even checked on sick days/ vacation days… or employee discounts.
So waiting for my Xbox and having all these conflicting emotions. I’m sure everything is going to be ok… just don’t expect to find my ‘center’ until after the holidays.
Which reminds me of something else… Not 100% sure I’ll be getting the day after X-Mas off. I know it would’ve been a ‘done deal’ at the gift store but not sure at the new place… And I’ll stop now( as this is like 3 pages) by pointing out that PART of the lost money is, more then likely, the X-Mas pay I would’ve gotten at the gift store- as I doubt I’ll be ‘full time’ at the new place until after my probation.

Good News!

2007-12-07T21:15:00.000-05:00

Ok.

Because of my computer being wonky I am way behind in blogging and who knows what WOULD’VE been blogged that was ‘lost to the ages’… However I feel that what happened today trumps my thanksgiving and Xbox woes. So I will just say: T-day shenanigans- both my step brother and older brother got engaged that week; step on that Monday, older on Tuesday. Xbox- spent 77 min on the phone yesterday to find out that they sent the ‘repaired’ Xbox to my home yesterday instead of the game store… So I won’t get it until Tuesday (next day off).

Ah but the good news. Yesterday I asked Adj to help me write a cover letter to a job. It’s a new retail company that sells used electronic equipment. They’re a growing concern in the U.K. and the Boston store is their first store. The manager was sooo impressed with Adj’s letter that he said he’d like to interview me. I called in sick today as I had a crappy schedule (11am to 8pm) and didn’t see a way to finagle an interview before or after that time period. Then since the store didn't have a land line and so I wasn't able to figure out WHEN to show up- I just went over there. The manager was able to make time for me, and we had about an hour interview which I think went pretty well.
I then came home and bugged Adj to help me write a thank you letter.
Adj did such a good job that the guy hired her… I mean me ;-)

It comes with a probationary period… which drove my mom a bit nuts. I in fact called her before accepting. She seemed to think that perhaps that might use me as holiday help and then get rid of me. I decided to joke with the manager about it… saying that I knew this was s.o.p but wanted to put my mom’s mind at ease. He said the probation was indeed s.o.p. as if they just wanted me for the holidays, they would’ve said so and I would just get a month of work out of them. My mom was a bit upset that I put the words in her mouth but I figured it was the way to shut her up so I didn't hear about HER fears and have them become mine.
So
CONS: the fact that for 3 months- during the probation, I’ll be making LESS then the gift store- and have NO benefits.

Pros: Won’t be working at the gift store and odds are will get a discount on the used vid games/dvds/video cards the store sells( didn’t ask about the discount as it was in no way shape or form a deal breaker)… Though perhaps my discount also will be deferred until after my probation( for fear that I’d take the job just to get a x-mas discount on crap)…
And AFTER my probation- will have FULL medical coverage… and a bit of a raise as well.

So on the forth night of Hannuka( and my Dad’s B’day), I’m a pretty happy camper because I’m getting the frell out of the gift store and going to a store that I think will be more amusing.
Then again odds are in 5 months the bloom will be off the rose and I’ll be depressed because I’m still in retail. But I’m not going to let that get to me NOW.

( though I do feel I need to also say: Jan trip to Toronto isn’t happening now. I figured it wasn’t going to happen because of my computer problems and lack of planning on my part due to not being able to check things out on the computer… but I’m not going to be able to get a week off after just starting a new job.)

Everyone's a little bit Jewish

2007-12-07T07:44:00.000-05:00

To further celebrate Hannuka- I'm posting Avenue Jew.

Will be blogging more later but I just saw this and- well as my yahoo mail tag says "Share and Enjoy" so that's what I'm doing here- sharing what I just enjoyed.
And who says we americans DON'T recycle
;-)

Happy Hannuka

2007-12-05T08:30:00.000-05:00

As usual- these days- I’m not really in the holiday spirit. I spent yesterday backing up my computer and I went to the movies to get my mind off things.
The things I wanted to get my mind off of:
A)After spending a $100+ on a new hard drive- I have no sound and my computer has rebooted itself like three times… Which would be ok I guess if I got to see Hexi but not ok otherwise.
B)As it stands, there’s a high chance that my brothers aren’t coming to the East Coast for X-mas. I understand my older not doing it because he’s been out here several times… BUT it means I don’t see my younger brother this year. Also it COULD mean that IF I celebrate x-mas with my dad- it’d be me, my dad, his evil wife, and his bitter aunt( aka my bitter great aunt).
C)No word yet on my xbox 360 and because of A- I can’t ask/get an upconvert dvd player. This is sad because they are cheap, BUT I might need the money/ gifting to go for a new computer- never mind the money I’ve crammed into this computer this year( new dvd drive, 2 gigs of ram, and a new hard drive).

So any way…. I saw two movies yesterday- Beuwolf and Enchanted. Enchanted got me a little bit feclempt( I.E. choked me up) at the ending… Beuwolf- To me it spoke in a misogynistic tone. Maybe that’s because I have a very misogynistic friend, who happens to like the great epics… But really I didn’t like what they did with Grendel’s mom.

That’s it. Have to do Laundry now as I have Jury Duty tomorrow and am HOPING to get a case. Normally I might leave this up and add to it later- but again my computer has shown a habit of rebooting- and of doing it when I leave it to do other things. Hope everybody else is having a better time of it.
Oh and when my computer is fixed- I’ll most likely post T-day pics to facebook and post a pic or two of my menorah. Nothing special about it- but over the years I’ve put figures around it- one for each day- I’ve done Harleys and Flashes- and this year I have a pack of DC and Marvel super deformed figs… so I’ll post those hopefully before new years.

Book Report

2007-12-03T19:52:00.000-05:00

Ok...my computer is still acting a bit wonky and not to be trusted.
So I'm posting my book reports since the last time...

Because I've realized that I rather like keeping a book log- and so with fear that my computer will somehow implode( I really don't trust it right now)... I'm posting the books here so that IF something bad happens to my computer, I still will have a record of what books I've read in '07.

Book 28- You Suck by Christopher Moore. I have to admit that I went into this book ready to dislike it. You see I LOVED Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore, which came out in about 1995. However a) I haven’t loved his more recent stuff- like A Dirty Job (which came out LAST year) and b) In case I haven’t mentioned it here- sometimes I think a book should stand on its OWN and not be a series. I get tired of trilogies and epic length stories that should be like A 400 page book max.
Heck, I called a friend of mine when I read that Robert Jordon died and told him that FINALLY the Wheel of Time had ENDED… for Jordon would NOT be publishing another one( though I think I did read somewhere a suggestion/hope that Jordon in his ‘last wishes’ would have a proper ending for the Wheel of Time).
Oh and c- combining A and B- I thought Bloodsucking Fiends was wonderful and was deathly afraid that once Moore opened it up, that the ENDING would suck. To me, I often judge a book/ series by how well it ends, likewise I’ve been known to re-read the last 10 or so pages of a book… right after I finished so that it will stick with me.
And I can say with all honesty, that even though I feared I set myself up to dislike this book… I ended up dislike BECAUSE the ending did indeed suck. I also disliked that Moore went out of his way to link A Dirty Job with You Suck, by having one character name drop someone from A Dirty Job and a whole scene that does NOT make sense unless you read A Dirty Job- which I think is unfair to people who don’t read ALL of Moore’s stuff… There’s inside jokes and just saying ‘buy ALL my books, because otherwise you won’t get all my self references…’

Book 29- Wolf Wars by Hank Fischer. This book is simply about what went politically into the re-introduction of wolves into Yellowstone. It was written by a member of Defenders of Wildlife, so there’s a bit of a bias in the book- not that I have a problem with that. Heck I went to their website and have THOUGHT about buying a stuffed animal for one of my nephews/ donating to Defenders. However we’ll see if I follow through as while I am loving Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel( HD that is), there’s a bunch of stuff I want to do with my $( besides paying bills)

Book 30- Thursday Next: First among Sequels by Jasper Fforde. This book is part of the Thursday Next series… so like my reviews of most series books I’ve read this year, I’ll just talk about the series with maybe a bit about the ACTUAL book- so that I don’t reveal too much
[I think I might have to do a tally at the end of the year of all the series I read this year, esp after mentioning that I thought You Suck should NOT have made Bloodsucking Fiends a series and then two books later I admit to reading another series.]
Thursday Next is a wonderfully funny and interesting British Sci Fi Comedy series. It takes place in an alternate England… Our heroine is Thursday Next. In the first book she is a member of Literary Detectives. It seems that Britain, on this Earth, has about 28 different Special Ops- with Literary Detectives being SO-27… and the time traveling Chronoguard is SO-12( which her father MIGHT OR MIGHT not have been a member of depending on whether he existed). In the first book of the series (The Jane Eyre Affair) Thursday is able to JUMP into a book… and the rest of the series deals with her in both her England and her jumping into books, where she becomes an officer of Jurisfiction- so she helps the real world and the bookworld with crimes.
I don’t think I can talk much about the actual case in First Among Sequels- save a) to mention that it ends on a CLIFF HANGER- it’s the first one in the series to do that… and b) to mention that Thursday Next talks about the fact that there are FIVE books about her- and it’s . And c) Since Thursday talks about books made about her life, AND she’s able to meet literary figures like Miss. Haversham( who was her instructor for Jurisfiction)… Thursday ends up meeting herself… and not liking what was done to ‘her. I’d say more but I’ve prolly said too much.
So I will end by saying- BUY the Thursday Next series or at least borrow the Eyre Affair from the library.

Book 31- Deaths of Jocastas by J.M. Redmann. I really dig this detective series. I was amazed that Redmann had made Mikey’s( our lesbian heroine) past even MORE DEPRESSING in this book then the first book, but at the same time you care for Mikey and still wish her to find her happy ending in the arms of the woman she’s fallen in love with.

Book 32- Greatest Story Ever Sold by Frank Rich. This book is simply about how W. and the neo-cons ended up selling the war. Rather then have a real review (I liked it but of course it depressed me), I’m just going to put some of the quotes I wrote down that I thought were interesting.
page 13- “The problem with Bush was not that he was stupid but that he thought everyone else was stupid.”
p 27- Mentions the stupid (my thought) American Flag pins and how people felt FORCED to wear them after the attack of 9.11- mentions that Peter Jennings refused to get into the “how many flags can I wear” game and KOMU- an NBC affiliate run by students and faculty of the University of Missouri also didn’t want to wear patriotic lapel pins on principal and the Missouri House voted to cut their budget for their unpatriotic behavior.
P 35- “At one House briefing where he[Ashcroft] did show up, he[Ashcroft] told congressmen they could call an 800 number if they had any questions about what his department was up to”.
The thing that I found the MOST interesting was Rich citing a Washington Post article (Amy Goldstein and Karen DeYoung- “Bush to Say Major Combat Has Ended” Washington Post May 1,2003) It is pointed out that W. knew exactly what he was doing when he said “…Major combat operations in Iraq have ended.” Under the sign “Mission Accomplished” Because HAD W. had said the war was OVER… he then would’ve had to release all those ‘war prisoners’ in Gitmo… So it’s funny that repugs got pissed about Clinton’s parsing of the English language, when that seems to be W.’s major accomplishment- to try and change words and their meanings. So W doesn’t torture because he changes the definition of torture so that what HE orders isn’t torture.

Book 33- The Beginning by Jeanne C. Stien. This is the first book in yet ANOTHER vampire bounty hunter series and the only one I plan to read in the series. My first problem was the fact that Stien gave her vampires telepathy- which I thought made them too uber powerful. We learn shortly that the vampires can only use it on each other, which softened how powerful they were… But at the same time, our heroine vampire leant way too quickly (without being taught) how to block other vampires from reading her mind. The reasoning for blocking is more of a plot point then the powers- if the vampires in her book couldn’t block other vamps from reading their thoughts- our heroine and her mentor would have been able to figure things out WAY sooner and thus the book would’ve been shorter (and our heroine probably would’ve been killed). I also found the book derivative of other vampire books I’ve read- been there, done that- The Beginning brought NOTHING new to the table.

Book 34- Panther in the Sky by James Alexander Thom. This was a hard pick. And had I access to my computer- I might not have read it. See while I haven’t been for page counts- a book is a book is a book. Panther in the Sky was 600+ and while my ‘goal’ hasn’t been the 50- it has been 40, which I thought was doable… Now I’m not so sure. That said I’m very glad I picked up Panther. It was a ‘historical fiction’ novel like Gore Vidal’s. That is to say, Panther in the Sky is about Tecumseh- a historical figure but it was written more like a novel then a history text. At the end the author points out why he made certain choices for his story- which is to say since Tecumseh and the Shawnee had an oral tradition, which means nothing got written down and some stories might contradict others. Likewise many U.S. soldiers might have been the one to claim to have killed him or claimed this or that… but it doesn’t make it so.
I have to say I’m very happy I picked this up and was glad I was reading it during the Thanksgiving holiday as it talks about the red man and how the Euros just stole their lands and treated them like crap.
And Tecumseh= Panther in the Sky in Shawnee. And I thought it was mildly amusing that as I checked for other works by Thom- I found out that he’s co-authored a book with his wife, who’s a Shawnee. So I guess he’s really married to his research of the Shawnee Indians.

Computer On(ish)

2007-11-29T09:24:00.000-05:00

Ok... My friend and I were finally able to snych up schedules so he could help me with my hard drive woes.
The good news- the NEW hard drive only cost about $120. Now since he had been after me to get a new hard drive as I kept coming up my limit of 80 gigs, he had been on me to buy a new hard drive since we replaced my dvd-rom a few months ago, I didn't feel that it was a waste of money to get the new 500 gig hard drive no way no how.

The better news- He was able to transfer ALL the info from the old hard drive to the new one.

The annoying news- I now have to re-install EVERYTHING. Which is made more annoying as a) I have to find ALL my disks... like my camara disk and office... and b) I forgot where I got some programs( like real player and musicmatch).

The more annoying news- He didn't find ANYTHING wrong with my hard drive. Now again he wanted me to get a new hard drive- so it's sort of no harm, no foul as far as he was concerned BUT to me it was- I had NO ACCESS to my computer for several weeks for no darn reason.

On a more personal note; I told Evan already( had to tell SOMEONE) both my older brother and my step brother proposed last week( step on monday, bro on tuesday) thus making me the ONLY one of 'my generation' not in a ltr.
Not that I have any problems with that. Right now I prefer to be Uncle then Papa... just it was the second thing that occured to me after hearing the news.

Anyway- I'm back and now I have to get as I have to leave for work soonish. I should have more up dates in the next few dates- Like after I get word re-install I'll update my book challange and after I find my blooming camera cd- I'll put (at least on facebook) pics of the family from T-day.

Worst Comic Death?

2007-11-09T09:37:00.000-05:00

So I commented about Barda’s death recently and that made me start thinking- who has had the WORST death in comic books.
I must say for years I thought it was Doug Ramesy. I mean I’ll give it to Doug that from the character’s POV- he was being all noble n’ stuff… But I felt it was VERY bad writing and his death was stupid because a) I don’t remember up until that moment any declaration on HIS part that he was HAWT for Wolfsbane, b) more importantly SHE could survive a bullet much easier then him and c) rather then jump IN FRONT of Wolfsbane… I think it would have been much better had he tried to TACKLE Wolfsbane… thus moving her and him out of the line of fire.
To expand a bit more on B- I think his death really hurt me because Doug was like the first mutant with a deuce/spot on the wall power. Doug was the only supporting character in an X-Man title that did NOT have a combat mutant power. And so I was very said at his ‘noble’ but stupid death.
Doug was left in the dust in the past year or two by Steph, Sue and Barda. As I explained to the manager of the game store Steph’s death- as I saw her in a cover ‘triptych’ in this month’s Wizard… I realized that Doug’s death had been left in the dust by the shenanigans Dan Dido/DC has perpetrated on us. So last night I asked the co-worker who brought Barda’s death to my attention- what is the WORST comic death? Now he went on about how obvious WiR Barda’s death was- and how DC MUST have known this… but he pointed out that he’s gay and as such Freedom Ring was the worst death. I had NEVER heard of Freedom Ring so will just link to the wiki of Freedom Ring for you to judge for yourself. I was surprised that Kirkman had written this horror BUT if you read at the bottom- he apologizes for it… whereas while I love Willingham- to the best of my knowledge he stands behind the storyline he wrote which had Dr. Thompkins KILL Steph. My co-worker at the store said that Thomkins killing Steph has been retconned… but HER wiki makes no mention of that.
So I’m left with a tie- Steph or Barda for worst death. Yes I hate Sue’s death and will never forgive DC for her death- the manipulation (OH! She was pregnant) and the stupidity of it (There’s no way that Jean could’ve done what she did)… but to me Barda’s death is worse because the writer copied many of the elements of Sue’s death…even after DC should’ve known better AND for a WARRIOR to die off camera ( IN HER ARMOR) is just insulting. Had they switched genders and have had Miracle die in the kitchen… I would’ve have been peeved- but NOT pissed.

What say you? Who has had the worst death in comics?

And if you want to add your FAVORITE death that would be cool too- but by FAVORITE- I mean the most well written death- NOT “I’m really glad that they killed X in such a horrid fashion because I hated X with the passion of a 1,000 suns”.
My favorite death- and I’m pretty sure Evan is going to disagree… is Barry. I really felt Barry went out in style and grace (saving the f’ing universes). Right now I feel I have to read more of his silver age goodness… but I have to say that the last two years of his title was crap. While I started reading Barry around the time they killed Iris- while buying ‘current’ issues and back issues- I realized that Barry was best with Iris and had gone downhill from there. So I was happy that they put the series out of it’s misery (really two years for the trial of Barry)… and happier still that they did it with STYLE and GRACE that I feel are lacking in current comics. Also Barry’s death has lead to a wonderful legacy with both Wally and Bart. I don’t see either Wally or Bart to have been written so well had Barry been left alive. But that’s me.
Again What say YOU?

Oh and on the Barry Front- I recently read New Frontier and while I'm not sure it was GREAT, it was DARN GOOD and filled with a lot of Barry Silver Age Goodness(tm) that again makes me want to re-read alot of my cool Barry comics.

Another rant about my dad

2007-11-07T16:50:00.000-05:00

Before I gripe about my latest dealings with my dad… which I think I am, I first want to mention how I found it sad that I was talking to my mom a few weeks ago and she told me that I deal with my dad better then my older brother. I found this an odd tidbit of information because I can think of few things that would make me think WORSE of my dad… But perhaps that’s why I get along ‘better’ with my dad- because at a certain point in my life I realized he was full of crap.

Anyway in our latest ‘argument’ and I put it like that because he said:

The last thing I want to do is "argue" with you about anything including politics.

Now to back up a bit… I was the one who started discussing politics, because I forget that I am wayyy more liberal then he is. He is an ‘upper middle class’ liberal… where as I’m a working class bleeding heart. Which is to say he is much more likely to see ‘management’s’/ the fat cat’s view. He will still vote democrat but he doesn’t mind the tax break- because HE’LL use some of his tax break for the poor.
So this started because I emailed him to talk about thanksgiving plans on Saturday and then I asked him to talk to his senator, Schumer, about NOT voting for Mukasey for Attorney General. Now I did this because a) I spoke to both of my brothers on Saturday and they both agreed to talk to THEIR senator- Feinstein, who like Schumer said on Friday said she planed to vote for Mukasey. Both of my brothers agreed to do this- my younger brother on simple principle that his older bro asked him to do him a favor; my older because we both agreed that the U.S. should NOT stand for torture. My father however lectured me on ‘compromise’ and came up with a story that I later heard was coming out of Schumer’s office- namely if we don’t confirm this loser either Bush will recess appoint him( as W. is fond of doing) or he’ll recess appoint someone WORSE- which I find hard to believe.
I think I also earned my father’s ire- not just on my unwillingness to compromise but because he asked me if Hillary got the nomination, would I work on her campaign? I responded that if Hillary won the democrat nomination, I’d work hard on moving to Canada.
I don’t think my father liked either of my views- that the democrats should stand up to W. or that Hillary is NOT a good choice.
I suppose I should also add that a part of me feels that I was able to make my points better because I know I sent him a clip of a democrat agreeing with me that a line has to be drawn.

And now that I look more at his letter I realize that while he said he didn’t want to argue with me- he none the less tries to lecture me on HIS pov( this is said AFTER the above line about not argueing with me)-

But please remember that politics is also about compromise.
Everyone has a different point of view influenced by their experience and their personality.
You are entitled to your point of view and you can certainly move to Canada if that's what you wish to do.
Other people, including me, feel differently and we should respect each other's views.
I feel that there is too much anger in politics today.
That's why I want to be a "progressive" and look forward not back.
I'm happy to talk politics but I really don't want to argue about it.

See I feel that what he just said doesn’t really respect my pov so much as tells me why he thinks I’m wrong… but he doesn’t want hear MY side because it’s negative/angry.

Here’s the thing. I think a) if you talk compromise you should get something for your compromise. The democrats got NOTHING for voting for Mukasey- save reinforcing W.’s world view that if he sticks to his guns he gets his way. 2) There are certain things you do NOT compromise. And I think torture is one.
Or to put it another way- Yeah I can understand the Winston Churchill being tired at the end of WW II and agreeing that since Russia lost soo many people to the Nazis that Stalin could have Poland… but how do you think the Polish people felt about that compromise?

So I’m not arguing with my dad about this anymore because HE doesn’t want to argue and I don’t want to be lectured by him about how short sighted I am.

And I think I plan to NOT see him for thanksgiving because if I do- I’ll spend at least as much time kvetching about the time I spent with him as I will spend with him( i.e. if I see him for an hour, I’ll spend at least an hour picking apart how mean he was to me).

Actually before I end I want to laugh ironically at another tidbit he gave me during this weekend… I told him about the NaNoWriMo because a) he used to be a publisher and b) his wife is about to come out with a book. I feel a need to mention b- because it irks me that she’s getting published… as I’m sure that this had to do with his connections; esp. as even without reading hippybongstocking’s story- I’m sure she’s more talented. My father’s wife wrote a book I think because she wanted to be published and taken seriously then any actual artistic vision. I say that she doesn’t have artistic vision because a) when she first started writing she mentioned that she wasn’t going to have a lot of sex and violence in her book- and I was like, uh I don’t think Agatha Chrstie sells that well these days… Well after having her book REJECTED- in went the sex. Likewise when she was drunk at my brother’s wedding she pointed out, artiste that she is, that in her NEXT book she’s gonna name characters after people she doesn’t like AND have BAD THINGS happen to them.
Ugh.
So with this I thought it was ironic that my dad’s response to NaNoWriMO was:

Interesting web site. Although I wish more people were reading instead of writing so publishers could sell more books.

I was tempted to bait him by pointing out what if they said that to JK Rowlings? Sorry we don’t want to publish this ‘Potter’ because it’s going to be …7 books (raises eyebrow)… and we already have enough children’s series… Now if you changed this around abit and made Harry… mmh. GAY, yes that’s it Gay. We don’t have enough teen gay books… and that would sell very well for us.
OR of course point out that maybe there are better mysteries for HER publisher to print that maybe should be printed before HERS.
I refuse to publish here her name or her book’s name as I don’t want her to be able to track back to THIS blog… and I don’t think I want to give her free p.r.
BUT
Her name is the same as the actress who played Aunt May AND if you do an amazon search- my father’s current wife’s book is the first one to come up (and it has a name similar to a show on ABC- just to confirm that if you actually try to find it- you found it).
Again a warning… DO NOT POST HER NAME HERE. If you want to find a way to mention you found her book- do it WITHOUT mentioning her name or book. I don’t want any sort of track back.
Working on a post about torture… but really what it comes down to is I think my dad is on the wrong side of this- like the democrat senators- Schumer and Feinstein who voted for Mukasey.
Ok- I think that’s it for my rant about my dad and his woman for now.

I forgot... I Forgot...

2007-11-06T21:41:00.000-05:00

I forgot to remember the 5th of November...
So I post here so that I will remember the 5th of November

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up King and Parliament.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow

Senses...

2007-11-03T17:31:00.000-04:00

I am home sick because ala a comic book my senses went a little wacky today.

Sadly because I'm NOT at all cool- I did not gain X-ray Vision, Radar hearing, or Super Tracking( aka wolvie's super sense of smell). It was more like things started cutting out/HURTING.
Hearing- I often suffer from nasty wax build up and that's what's going on. So my hearing is a bit off... which I thought would be a GOOD thing at work, as it's VERY loud there. However this was not the case, as it STILL was quite loud and annoying.

Touch- Walked a few blocks in the rain, so cold and damp. Added to that that I was was in a 'bad state' which means I bit my right pinky nail. I have a VERY bad habit of biting my nails... and my right pinky nail seems to be the nail of choice. I've been meaning to blog in another post about my nail biting... as it often causes me pain but not ENOUGH pain it seems to stop.

But it was my eyes that got me to leave work early. For SOME reason, I know not why, my eyes started hurting me... I don't know why but it felt like someone was putting needles in them or something. Not AS BAD as when I get an ear infection( which sometimes has made me feel that Van Gogh was on to something... but my eyes hurt.

One and Two happened before my 'break'- 15 min paid, where I got an advil to deal with my head... and went up to the library to check email n' stuff. See I had a bit of trouble with my computer( possible understatement) and worry about emailing on it... so wanted to check email at work... AFTER said break my eyes just started hurting and I couldn't deal with the sensory inputs. So I told my assistant manager that my eyes hurt and I HAD to leave NOW.
He asked if I was sick.
I replied- Eyes HURT. Sick
He wanted to clarify that I hadn't like been up late and that's the reason my eyes hurt. I really was pissed that his assumption was the fact that I'd show up to work hung over. I mean I've done that once or twice but I try NOT to because I have to deal with money and as mentioned LOTS of people.

I came home and I tried to get my mind off things with facebook... but my internet conection seems to be spotty SO I have to keep re-loading things. So while I added a couple of new features( because Evan and Aimee find SOOO many shiney things and want to share them).... I am MORE frustrated due to Facebook then I have been amused. Joined Evan's Slayer Army, his TV triva( which I have the most points) and I forget what else...
I have also talked to my sister to see if she thought that my eyes hurting might be due to me hardly ever using my glasses. She thought that might be the case. I think maybe I should see my eye doctor again( get a visit a year and haven't seen them in a while).
and I've used ear drops for my ear. Still clogged but I got a few seconds of regular hearing- every so often...

So it's rainy- I feel crappy... and I feel bad for feeling crappy. Especially as I wanted to 'call in' on Monday and use a 'sick day' so I didn't have to deal with either of the assistant managers and do some job search stuff... which I wasn't really able to this week because my computer has been annoying the heck out of me- (see above comments)

The only good thing to come out of today- such as it was... was that I was smart enough NOT to tape the Batman. I don't think I could've handled seeing them destroy the Flash.

So I'm sitting in the dark awash by the light of the computer and odds are will go to bed EXCEDINGLY EARLY- nevermind the hour of sleep I'll gain... which prolly means I'll be up at a god awful time tomorrow.
such is life.

However right before I posted this I was reminded that 'things could be worse' as my older brother- the one with the kid, currently does NOT have a job. So my job might suck but a) I have it b) I have sick days and c) I'm insured.... which counts for something.

For My Comic Peeps

2007-10-30T18:23:00.000-04:00

Ok... right now Norton Systemworks/anti virus is acting up.

Do NOT think my computer has anything- just think it's being wonky... That said prefer to post this news to my blog for Evan and Adj ( and anyone else interested) then email it and possibly infect their computers...

First- The Flash is on THE BATMAN this Saturday. I hate to say it but I give myself about even odds of watching it. On the one hand( and this is the hand that's winning) it's THE BATMAN and I still remember Robin's origin( wherin I blame THE BATMAN for the death of THE Graysons), but on the other hand- It's Flash and I do like John Larroquette...

Second... I found scans of Big Barda's death. OMFG! It's not that Dan Dido hates me... it's that I hate what he's done to DC.
The only way Barda's death could've been more WiR is if we find out that Major Force killed her. I mean C'mon. She dies OFF CAMERA, IN THE KITCHEN, NEXT TO THE FRIDGE. IF that isn't WiR I don't know what is... Oh yes- we have more pages of her husband swearing vengence then we do of Barda's killer( who we don't see because it happened OFF CAMERA).
Oh and if it wasn't disturbing enough for her to die in the kitchen with her husband in the next room- and doesn't hear who/what kills his wife- when the JLA show up... it looks wayyy too much like Sue's death. In fact in scans of the second issue it has the JLA in the kitchen( with a tacky chalk outline of Barda...) and Black Canary says "It's like Sue all over again..." with Zee retorting "Except we solved that case Canary." and Black Lightning playing the role of Fred saying "And we'll crack this one too."
Now if I was Batman I'd give Zee a stern look with a side order of 'Don't mindwipe me" and ask Superman how his relationship with Lois is right now considering a) the kents had a dinner date with barda and mm and b) Sue was killed by a (ex) wife of a JLA member who was starved for attention. Oh and I'd tell Tim not to get too attached to any of HIS playmates- because while there's a joke that in every crisis a flash dies--- that's only happened ONCE. Tim however has lost two loved ones in Crisisi (indentity and infinte)

Clusterf**k

2007-10-30T16:01:00.000-04:00

Ok… Have been up since 5/6 AM and have accomplished little. It often seems like the earlier I wake (and thus the less sleep I have) the less I do with those ‘extra’ hours of the day.

Anyway I want to talk about the clusterfuck that’s about to happen at work. I think I’ve covered most of it but just to cross the t’s and dot the I’s.

I currently have at the gift store 1 Manager, 1 Manager in Training( henceforth called MiT), 2 Ass’t managers- Kenny and Lm, 1 Receiver who is apparently = in status to an Assistant Manager and two part time Sales Supervisors. I also have a ‘Cash Lead’ who has the management codes to do returns n’ stuff but I don’t think really is management.

When my Manager went for two week vaca recently- the only thing keeping the store together was MiT. When the Manager came back- the Receiver dropped a dime on Kenny and let the Manager know what was what… Which lead to the Manager talking to me, and me getting mad at the Manager because I felt he didn’t really listen.

Ok- that’s what I’ve mentioned BEFORE what now needs to be said is neither Kenny nor Lm can count. This is BAD for the store and for me… I say bad because these two count the registers. So if they count wrong- they end up saying that the cashier (like me) did a bad job and gave the customer the incorrect amount of change. I know that the assistant managers are doing it wrong because a) They USED to have me occasionally count in the register and the register was OFF. The register should NOT be off at the beginning of the day. You see what they do to close the register is count to $250. They put THAT money aside for the drawer for the next day- so it should have $250 exactly… No more, no less. They then count the deposit, and IF the register is wrong- either the deposit is over/under… but the drawer should be $250. So if I open and it’s not 250 either THEY counted it wrong the night before OR I’m counting in the wrong register (know that’s happened once or twice with a manager). And b)MiT and one of the sales supervisors confirm this.
The above was brought home to me yesterday during a really crappy day for me/ great day for the store. To give you an example of what things was like- in ONE HOUR- 190 transactions were rung up by I think 2 to 3 people. I say 2 to 3 as I think one of the ringers were Kenny and thus doesn’t count as much. Or another example there was about 47 fives in my co-worker’s register when it was counted out. So with all these facts- I told the MiT at about 3 that I was NOT taking responsibility for “my” register. I told him this because- as above I don’t think Kenny can count; Kenny told me while I was at break he ‘didn’t touch my register BUT he faced all my bills’- to me that means he OPENED my register and bears some responsibility for it…and when I put some singles under my register (because I’d say about ½ my transactions were for 99 cents sugar pops) I found there were singles ALREADY under my register. The MiT fully understood that Kenny can’t count and remained on top of things. The MiT later told me, because I followed things up that Kenny had thought the safe was over a bit, so the money was given to my register… It was later found out that the safe was NOT off so the MiT gave the money under my drawer back to the safe… However I can picture Kenny not doing his ‘due diligence’ and simply saying I was off the 4 bucks.
I also should note that the MiT told me that both of the registers Kenny was on (mine and the one he was suppose to ring on)… was over about a dollar or so. Right now I’m debating writing a note for the manager to put in my file/ fax to the home office stating that I don’t assume responsibility for my drawer while he’s away.

And that leads to part two of the clusterfuck… On about Friday the Manager and MiT are going on a management retreat to San Diego (corporate HQ)… leaving Kenny, Lm and the Receiver in charge. Last time the Manager left on vaca- things were ok because the MiT made sure things got done… now HE’LL be gone as well.

But wait- there’s more. I haven’t told you how Kenny has been ‘punished’ for being a jackass. The manager decided to take action by… banishing Kenny to downstairs receiving. This pissed off the Receiver because HE now has work upstairs with the brats, while Kenny fucks up at receiving. I personally think that Kenny being receiver is like a promotion for him- I mean he doesn’t have to deal with the yelling kids, he doesn’t have to tidy up the store, he can listen to whatever music he wants… oh and Kenny has access to a computer AND NO ONE can look to see if he’s using it for non work stuff. So the Receiver is acting like a spoiled child and is at Kenny’s throat. Yesterday they both told the Sales Supervisor (whom was made to do the daily schedule as to who was doing what that day) so that they both could get the cushiest job. Again the MiT was there to get things on track- and again he’ll be gone next week… Heck to the best of my knowledge, he’s not coming back… As we’ve heard he’ll go to HIS store after the management retreat.

Oh and to add to the clusterfuck that is work- Kenny vastly understaffed us yesterday. We had gobs and gobs of kids (again 190 transactions in 1 HOUR) and only SIX people… Now 1 of those people was only there for 4 hours, we had to have ONE person up by an exhibit- so that doesn’t count for the store… Likewise we also lost hours due to Kenny being needed downstairs for receiving… and fortunately, due to the law, the 5 people who worked a full day got an hour lunch- and during those lunches, we therefore had LESS the 4 people on the floor.
So the exhibit store never got restocked. The only restocking I did after hours was of the candy- as that was the bulk of what we sold… and if the place was less then a warzone when I left- it was only because I felt locked in and left about a ½ hour late…
I say ‘locked in’ because the MiT and Receiver (Ass’t Manager J?) went into the money room at about 10 minutes to 6 and didn’t come out until 6:20. I was due out at 6 and COULD have left at 6… but my sense of duty compelled me to wait until they opened a door for me- in case they wanted to check my bag or something… besides as said the place was a combat zone.

So today besides my usual complaint of being tired and having far too little sleep… I have too little voice. My throat feels like sandpaper because for at least an hour( prolly more- I’m just focused on that 190 transactions per hour) I rang up more then 1 person a minute- saying hello, that’ll be [insert dollar amount here], here’s your change. Thank you. Next person in line please…” Yes I’d often have to remind people to give me stuff and get their attention. It sux to constantly yell NEXT.
I’m not sure how loud I got at Evan’s, I know he never complained about my volume but I also know I can be loud WITHOUT yelling- but at work I have to yell because there’s SOO MUCH background noise that if I want to get a brat’s attention- I have to raise my voice on purpose (as oppose to losing control of my volume which I do with my mom).

Yes- I'm Stupid

2007-10-18T19:28:00.000-04:00

So I woke up butt early today( arround 4 am) got out of bed too early ( 6am) and SHOULD have called in to work- as I felt tired and hung over.

However being STUPID, after watching some tv and answering emails- I decided I was going into work.

I decided that if I stayed home I'd just be tired and depressed but if I went into work- I could tell my manager where to get off.

And I did.

He didn't listen of course, but I told him that I didn't care anymore. He told me that I cared yesterday as I seemed to get angry- and I nodded... But during the same talk, he still tried to argue that Ken worked... When I brought up the whole bad cop metaphor that he's tried to use- which I don't get unless he is trying to make Kenny disliked so HE is liked... He shifted gears and point out that EVERYBODY seems to have a personal grudge against Kenny. But then later pointed out that only the OLD GUARD( those who had started BEFORE Kenny) had a problem with Kenny. He mentioned a guy who has worked maybe 6 days in the past monty had NO problem with Kenny. I told him he should talk to MiT because the place was a pigsty Monday morning...
The manager then started in on the idea that maybe I wanted a 'point' system and after 5 points he'd fire someone... but he doesn't work that way. I felt like I was argueing with my Dad- he had a pat answer for everything and was able to be 'soft' on those he wanted... In fact later that day the Manager pointed out that the Reciever would've gotten 3 points off for not being in uniform, not having his badge and not having the drawers counted in on time... I didn't respond because a) I knew- like my dad, that this was simple baiting and b) while I agree with the Reciever that Kenny's gotta go... [ Now I have in my head- Scotty's gotta go'], there have been times that I've thought that the Reciever is less then compentant himself.

so I was an idiot- have to re double my efforts to get a real job... as I've just told the manager NOT to ask me for my opinion. It took a lot of effort( and leaning) to get through the day... My big toe is killing me something fiecre. I counted every hour after my day- trying to get through it. And often thought of whether I should call in on Friday. Monday looks like a better day to call in BUT it's an 8:30 shift and I do so hate to call in on shifts that I have to wake up for... It's like if I'm up I might as well work.
When Kenny asked me to leave an hour early- I was like why not... I mean yeah it's a hour of pay but I just wanted to SIT.

Retail Hell... part whatever....

2007-10-17T21:49:00.000-04:00

I’m not sure that I can properly put into words how much I hate MY life.

I am stupid and because I’m stupid I’m stuck in retail hell.

The dip into truly hellish conditions started on Monday (Sorry Evan have to bring the rest up to speed). We were told last week that our Regional Manager, our Boss’ Boss, would be coming this Monday. So when I came in on Monday at 8:30 AM, I was amazed to find the place a pigsty. The manager had been off the past two weeks- and Kenny Boy and Asst Lm were in charge on Sunday. Kenny left early because he was sick (but the receiver has decided that Kenny left just in time for kick off). Kenny was due on Monday at the same time I was- but was a No Call/ No Show. Now that is a fire able offense, or so we’ve been told. The Manager in Training was pissed. He hates Kenny Boy and Lm, and wished that the Regional Manager had stopped at OUR store first… so that the regional manager could’ve seen the mess that the store was left in.
I told this to Evan on Monday, and Evan wished that Kenny got fired… I told Evan that I most likely had a better chance of ME getting fired then Kenny.
But sadly that wasn’t the end of things.

So my manager asks me today if ‘anything’ happened while he was away. I thought and made sure to tell him a) that we didn’t know of an event that was happening and thus didn’t have the staff scheduled for it. I didn’t SAY it was Ken’s fault… Just wanted him to know this had happened… and for the manager to draw his own conclusions, which he didn’t. I also told him that Kenny had told me that I am NO LONGER allowed to count in drawers. Now Ken’s reasoning is that drawers have been off too much and so we need to limit who touches the drawers. However as I’ve talked with MiT (Manager in Training), we have BOTH noticed that drawers are occasionally off WHEN WE OPEN. For the drawer to be off in the morning- that means the person who closed didn’t count it properly. So- Kenny can’t count, and I don’t want to get blamed for his not being able to count. But that’s it… I didn’t narc on Kenny and Lm because they hadn’t really done anything while the manager was away that they didn’t do normally. So Kenny remains safe and I stay quiet.

That said, the Receiver, like most of the store, hates Kenny Boy… And when he was doing the daily schedule today, he found something ‘odd’ on the WEEKLY schedule. Kenny Boy was scheduled for FORTY EIGHT HOURS this week. Now it should be mentioned that that included the time and ½ Kenny gets on Sunday- but still too many hours. So the Receiver checked the printed weekly schedule and found out that to like ‘make up’ hours Kenny decided to come in on a ‘real’ day off, Tuesday, to make up for not working Monday. The Receiver gets hoping MAD, as he doesn’t like the idea that Kenny Boy can come and go as he pleases- he finds everything he can find about Kenny and confronts the manager with it. Like the fact that the computers are currently LOCKED for internet access so the only people who can surf the web are the managers, who have WARNED us that using the computer for email is a fire able offense… So if WE can’t get to the internets, how is it that GMAIL is in the web browser history?

So at 5:20 pm (and was scheduled until 5:30), my manager pulls me off the floor. He then asks me what I think of Ken. I’m like what? And he tells me how some people are talking smack about Ken so he wants to know MY opinion.

And this is why I KNOW I’m stupid and thus doomed to remain in retail hell.

I told my manager that Ken spends too much time on the computer. That on the Saturday previous, he made everyone ELSE clean up while he remained on the computer. And that Kenny just doesn’t pull his weight.
Manager had a counter point to EACH of my points. And as I listened to him, I realized how fucked I was. My manager cares more about Kenny then he does about me… He didn’t REALLY want my opinion, he never wants my opinion- he wants a yes man… like Kenny. Nothing I said mattered… because I am a worker drone, and HE’S the boss. My manager doesn’t LISTEN to criticism and I should’ve learnt that lesson.

I’ve been drinking because I had beer in the fridge… So I’m not as bad as I was when I got my check from the game store (I was very ranty there)… Heck at this point I’d like to be doing something then re-hashing the day, but I want to blog it.
Trying to figure out preemptively if I want to call in sick tomorrow- At first I thought I should TOTALLY go in so that I can try to get the manager on track by telling him to talk to the MiT- but I don’t think he’ll value MiT’s opinions any more then mine; and then I thought I’d go tomorrow but call in sick Friday- because the manager is OFF Friday and thus I won’t have any protection from Kenny… but looking at the schedule I realize I have more ‘overlap’ tomorrow with Kenny then( all but a ½ hour, more if our lunches don’t synch up) vs. Friday( where I have 4 hours or so with him).

I need to leave the gift store and see no way of doing it without either quitting and then calling the regional manager- or looking for another crap retail job… and perhaps take a pay cut. I know that I didn’t pursue a job at a book store as I would’ve had like a dollar cut an hour and I felt- how can I take a pay cut and still work retail. I’d end up on the wrong foot at the new job- hating that I was making LESS money, but.
God.
I have to stop now and finish my sports bottle of BEER.

Look OUT the homecoming Cap's got a gun.

2007-10-13T17:38:00.000-04:00

I was surfing teh interwebs and I saw this article with the new cap.

He has a f'ing gun.

NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!

I do NOT care how much people love the current writer and 'trust' him.

Captain America DOES NOT carry a gun.

I can't even go into the fact that his outfit looks like something out of ST:TNG because he has A GUN and a cateen on his belt.

I wonder does he have a billy club? You know to beat up all those kids like the Patroit who refuse to register? Because a part of me thinks he looks all the world like he wouldn't mind beating up a teenage BLACK american for not obeying THE MAN. ( and I don't mean Stan...)
I can picture THIS Cap going after the Patroit more then I can him going after Iron Man....

drunk dialing...

2007-10-13T10:02:00.000-04:00

Well Wednesday night was the closet I’ve gotten to drunk dialing in perhaps ages. I didn’t ACTUALLY call a friend, instead I emailed Evan, which is sorta like drunk dialing but more considerate as I didn’t WAKE anyone… as I’m pretty considerate. In fact my father on several occasions when I was a kid, pointed out that I was ‘nice’ but then again he often did this to point out there was a difference between nice and good- and he didn’t think I was both…. Shrug.

Take Two: I’m edited this blog before posting it. I went into a long winded scred about how the game store- while infinitely better then the Gift Store is being mis-managed by the owners… which lead me to by a beer for my friend the manager on Wednesday. I feel very sorry for this guy because sales are off through no fault of his… and he can’t really get good help because he can only give them minimum wage and a couple of hours a day… I stay there because I get time and ½ for Sundays and he KNOWS I earn that spot. One of his workers made a big goof that could have been avoided if the owners had a better idea of how to run things (like letting my friend have a bit more control on the stock). So I bought him a drink, which I should not have had because I was tired and depressed.
THEN to add to MY depression, right as my head hit my pillow I wondered where my learner’s permit was. See I know for months it was on my computer table in my living room… but I THOUGHT I had moved it someplace ‘safer’ never mind that it seemed safe on my desk as I rarely clean. So I got out of bed, even though I was tired and had to get up EARLY the next morning (nevermind the fact that I am usually awake before my alarm goes off… and more often then not, out of bed).
So I got out of bed and spent about an hour looking for my learner’s permit, and during that hour I ended up find a) the receipt for it- right next to my monitor, where I used to have the permit… and b) my learner’s permit from YEARS ago- which was safely on a ‘shelf’ on my reading lamp by my comfy chair in my living room.
This has made me all the more depressed because since I’m suppose to be a librarian- I should be more organized. So this has, of course, led to my not sleeping well the next couple of nights and adding to my general depression.

I’m off today but I have, as usual, zero energy and my legs feel like spaghetti (due to standing up so much at work). Right now I plan to waste my morning on the interwebs, and maybe a little reading/ video games. After I lose at heroclix( which I know I will but still I play) I am going to come home and TRY to clean the desk in my bed room. Said desk SHOULD have the learner’s permit on it. I say this as I checked the box with my ‘important documents’ which is on said desk- and it wasn’t there… and the cigar box where I put important crap in… which is on the same desk. Again I have NO idea where the learner’s permit is- but I’d rather spend a few hours cleaning then an hour or two on Tuesday (next day off) at the DMV to get a replacement.
Plus I right now have at least 3 sculptures that are NOT out- one a signed Harley, the other Katachoo in the tub, and the last is Jack Knight. So maybe if I clean some of my bedroom stuff I can make room to display these.

Psych 1, Psych 2 What do you know?

2007-10-04T09:13:00.000-04:00

After I visited Evan, he mentioned in his blog learning of my ‘essence’. I’ve thought about this a bit- as I feel the Drew he talked to and the Drew who normally blogs here are sort of different.
When I got to meet Evan, I was ‘on holiday’, I had come from hanging out with my Older brother for several days and while my bro is NOT my favorite person- I do like his gf and I gotta say my niece was tres cute….
That said, most of the time that I blog, I blog out of anger or depression. My father called me on Tuesday- while I was at work and I emailed him back saying that I didn’t plan on talking to him because I was feeling anti social. I didn’t say the LAST thing I wanted was to talk to him but I did tell him that I had a lot of stuff to do on Wednesday- which included going out drinking. I lied to him by saying I was going out with a friend- as I didn’t want him to know how sad it was that I was drinking by myself--- and it got sadder as with the Red Sox in the play offs, I ended up drinking at home alone.
My dad, not for the first time, suggested that I talk to a doctor about getting meds so I FEEL more productive. I told him, as I’ve told him before as well as my mom and older brother, that I would rather BE more productive then FEEL more productive. I feel my depression comes naturally due to our commander and thief, and my horrid job, oh and Kenny boy.

The U.S. is currently occupying a foreign country. I can’t see another way to express what we’re doing in Iraq; as OUR government has troops there even though the average Iraqi wants us gone AND we’ve written in their constitution so that the Iraqi government can NOT go after Blackwater for Blackwaters ‘misdeeds’ (i.e. killing innocent Iraqis).
Likewise the U.S. enconomy is in the crapper due to W., our money is at an ALL TIME LOW… currently (no offense) the U.S. dollar EQUALS the Canadian Dollar. W. has used one of his few vetos to deny CHILDERN healthcare….
And in ‘local’ news I got a hand out from the Boston Public Library System complaining how hard THEIR lives our. Man, I DREAM of making the money they are there- and they are complaining( and I would say rightly so) because like MOST jobs they don’t get a cost of living increase… and thus each year their take home ends up being less and less…
Oh and what I consider the PHONEY Soldiers- I.E. Limbaugh, O’Riely and the rest of the far right who have NEVER served a day in their lives, are attacking REAL soldiers for daring to talk out. I told a friend of mine that I didn’t care how long Kerry was in ‘Nam, the fact of the matter is when we see pictures of Dick going to Iraq- Dick has a MAJOR flak jacket on top of the armed protection he has… So Dick has more protection then Kerry did in Nam… It makes me sick

And thus I think I come by my depression naturally. Of course it prolly doesn’t help that well I have a rather bad self image( working retail and all that) and while recently reading other blogs( NOT picking on anyone just saying)… I realize that I have NEVER been in a relationship where I have loved and been loved by that person. Not a 40 year old virgin… but I would say I’ve f***ed someone and not made love; which prolly comes close to the 40 year old virgin thing.
More on that later( started writing about my suicide attempt but am late for work so will write and post that this weekend).

Active V. Passive

2007-09-29T10:39:00.000-04:00

I want to ask whomever reads this to help me with a philosophical problem I’ve had for a bit of time- who is more annoying someone who ACTIVELY is annoying, that is they go out of their way to be annoying or someone who is PASSIVELY annoying, someone whom by their very nature annoys you?

I’ve wrestled with this question for years as I’ve known both and have thought about this awhile. For me, the crux is the idea that IF someone is going out of their way to annoy you; isn’t that worse then someone who existence annoys you?

This was brought up yesterday- because sadly when two or more of us at the gift store are out of ear shot of Kenny, we end up slamming him. However this time, for some reason Jen- a previous Assistant Manager was mentioned, as someone mentioned they preferred HER to Kenny. I disagreed. For while I find Kenny to be annoying and a slacker of the ultimate power; Jen HATED me and used her powers for evil.
Jen was the one who came up with the ‘brilliant’ idea of making US responsible for covering our shift if we were sick- i.e. if I called in sick, according to Jen, I would then have to try calling other people to cover my shift- never mind the fact that I was sick and perhaps puking my guts out. It was because of this idea of her, that my phone number was given out without my permission and I was pranked called. She also had a habit of scheduling me for 5 days a week, even though I was hired for part time at 4 days a week and was working at the game store for a day… So because of her I had a few six day work weeks, without her asking me.
Heck when I found out that 4 days was full time… and I decided that I only wanted to work 4 days at the gift store and one day at the game store, so I gave her a schedule where I was only available for FOUR days so she couldn’t over schedule me. Jen refused my 4 day schedule- saying that I was given full time because of my willingness to work 5 days. I was angry… left for break… then I told another assistant manager to let Jen know that I wanted ON PAPER Jen’s refusal to accept my schedule. For while it had been true when I was hired part time, I told the manager if he wanted to make me full time- I’d work there 5 days a week and quit the game store… That was BEFORE I knew that I only had to work 4 days at the gift store to get full time benefits. Jen backed down and that’s why I still have the schedule I have- because I don’t trust the people at the gift store to give me a 4 day work week without blocking out 3 days.

So I hate Jen- who was actively bad to me more then Ken who is just a prick. Yeah Ken has tried to narc on me a couple of times… But I don’t think of Kenny as EVIL as I did Jen, I just think he’s an a-hole.

However, again, I’d like to hear any views you guys might have- because I usually think ACTIVILY ANNOYING is worse- I have hated some people( like Kenny) because by their BEING, they just piss me off.

New Fall TV...

2007-09-28T09:43:00.000-04:00

I have watched TWO shows of the ‘new season’. I ‘missed’ the new season beginnings of Earl (last night) and Legion (last Saturday). Odds are I’ll try to download Legion- not sure about Earl as I was MIGHTY disappointed about Earl’s second. Heck I saw a wonderful ‘limited’ edition of the Season 2 DVDs at Target and was easily able to pass, and usually I’m all about the LIMITED editions. I’ve seen pics of Legion on TV.com. They added Chameleon Boy and have a Superboy/man clone.

The two NEW shows were Reaper and Chuck. I saw Chuck a week or so as part of my cable ON DEMAND- yeah I demanded Chuck. Now I should mention in the interest of full disclosure that I wasn’t SURE about Chuck as it’s presented that the HAWT girl is a secret agent and Chuck is a nerd wage slave. Now I have NO problem with nerd wage slaves- being one myself- but I wasn’t sure how it was going to play out and to be frank, I felt Chuck looked like a pretty boy. Sure enough watching the episode, I felt that this was an actor PLAYING a nerd. He didn’t seem to have any real NERD CREDS- even if he was a member of the ‘nerd herd’- a real rip off of the geek squad. The only person who seemed really geeky was the Goth he has in the background as part of his crew. I could go on about his fakeness as a geek- but what it comes down to is the hook is stolen from “the computer wears tennis shoes’. Chuck didn’t MEAN to download all the info he has in his mind, but he has all the info in like the NSA and CIA’s computer banks in his head. I didn’t like this as this showed that he had NOT earned his place on the team- he was given it. Likewise I didn’t like that the HAWT secret agent had a thing with Chuck’s ex college roommate, as I felt that was a) too much of a coincidence( welcome to American TV) and b) it set her up as a nerd lover.

Reaper by comparison has geek creds. And again in the interest of full disclosure that I was expecting MORE from Reaper, I was a big fan of G V. E- one of the top 5 shows I want on DVD… and was expecting the same quirky humor from Reaper… though I nothing to back this hope up… I did have it.
First I should mention the geeks look like geeks. Chuck again looks like a pretty boy and in my experience MOST geeks come in two flavors- rail thin (ala our hero Sam) and grande sized- as his best friend Bert is. And I loved best friend Bert Wysocki better then I did Chuck’s friend. Bert is a 3 dimensional geek… and one of his bits was priceless and was something I could sorta see myself do. At a meeting our heroes are told if they sell the MOST they will get a victory HAM, Bert points out that he’s Jewish and the manager apologizes and says if Bert wins he’ll get something equal in value… Sam wins and we see Bert eating the victory ham. So clearly Bert just pointed out he was Jewish to bust chops, I approve. Ray Wise is another gem in the cast as the Devil, he has just the right amount of sleeze, being an evil person but still amusing.
I also like the premise a lot more- a 21 year old slacker ( he stopped going to college after falling asleep in class too much) finds out that his parents sold his soul to the Devil… And the Devil now has him act as a bounty hunter, telling the hero if he doesn’t do the Devil’s business then the Devil will take the mother’s soul.
Oh and somebody named Smith directed the first episode- if that means anything to anybody.
;-)

And had to take the dork test that evan took:

Not surprised that Evan scored higher. As I consider myself a book geek and most of what they tested was computer stuff. Hardest question was them asking to choose between my books and my dvds- but books won of course.

My Day...

2007-09-26T22:38:00.000-04:00

I didn’t accomplish a lot today but I am happy that I accomplished something besides sweating a pound or two…
Man is it HOT here in Boston. It was like 85 degrees Fahrenheit- which is 30C to my Canadian readers (and this conversion came via a Buffalo, NY web site).

I did however put a shirt and tie on to apply for a job at my undergraduate school. I found an XL shirt… and I thought about it for a moment. I felt that so long as it was clean, I did my tie and I tucked the shirt in- the XL would be ok even though I’m now a Med. I also thought the XL would have the added bonus of NOT sticking to me, because of the heat. Likewise I made sure to put a bandana in my pants pocket, which I used to mop my brow before going into the library. I talked briefly to someone on the hiring committee. I made sure that I let her know that I was an alumni, and I let slip that I still went to the school’s GYM. I sort of feel that went a bit too far, but I did want to point out that I was still in the neighborhood.
I then went to the Alumni office to see if they could help give me an in on this job or otherwise keep me alerted about jobs. Sadly the person I wanted to talk to wasn’t in and they wouldn’t give me her extension number.

Ok- when I told my mom that I spoke to a person at my undergraduate school, my mom asked me if I had mentioned where I got my library degree and other stuff. I told my mom that I feared that I had rambled as it was… and I could just see my mom rolling her eyes- If I feel that I can do nothing right, I think my parents help me feel that way… So I tried to reaffirm to my mom that the woman who I gave my resume to didn’t say anything but thank you and I made sure that I mentioned I went to the school as an undergraduate… and I confirmed that the job was still open.
My mom then told me that I needed to write this woman a thank you note for her time, besides trying to actually contact her in a week or so. I told my mom that I got her FIRST name but not her last name, I didn’t get her card. Again I could hear my mom’s aggravation with me… She pointed out that I was a librarian and should be able to find this out. At first, I told her I’d ask at the library on Friday… but then I figured WTF? I’d try to see if I could google it using her first name, librarian and futzing with the name of the college I went to. I found a likely last name- a librarian with the first name who has published from that college- but I wasn’t sure as it’s a pretty common first name imho. So I then played around with google putting the first name and the last in quotes as a search. Found a picture of her, confirming that I had the last name correct. The picture showed her as a member of the Alumni Board for my GRADUATE school. Now I didn’t mention what graduate school I went to to her as it was on my resume and, as said, I was worried about rambling… While I MIGHT mention it again in my thank you letter to her, I don’t plan to mention that I know she graduated with HER MLS from the same school- as I think that would be creepy.
And mentioning she was class of 92 and I was class of 01 is right OUT.

I also went to the my undergraduate Alumni Association to see if THEY could put a good word in for me( this is of course way before knowing that one of the people who might help hire me is on my GRAD school Alumni Association). Sadly they were NO help.

Meanwhile my other ‘accomplishment’ was I was talking to someone at Best Buy about my TV. I have a HD TV and I want my Xbox 360 to be as well connected to it as I can. It has REALLY bothered me that even though I have a ‘letter box’ dimensioned TV- my Xbox STILL letterboxes things. While I was talking to the guy at best buy, he pretty much confirmed my fear that MY Xbox 360 does NOT have an HDMI port that I want for it so that it can give me a TRUE HD DVD experience… He did however point out that I could most likely play with my Xbox 360’s settings to get the letterboxing to be a bit more on the same page as my TV.
Checking my component HD AV cables… I noticed that there was a little switch- TV/HD TV… and like a STUP- it was set to TV and my Xbox 360 was set to Standard Picture. So I changed the SWITCH to HD TV then rechecked to see what image quality my TV is (1080 i) so I would get the BEST possible picture I can.
Haven’t played any games… or really checked out any movies- save to look at how the FILLS the screen.
Sadly while I feel quite happy and the picture seems crisper- there is still the letterboxing black bars. I tried three movies- Species, Death Proof (disk 1) and the first disk of the first Pirates of the Caribbean.
My Xbox 360 does say it’s current display settings are 1080i, Widescreen, Standard. Don’t know what the last ‘Standard’ refers to- just that I can’t change it. It says on that screen, below 1080i, Widescreen, Standard: Set the screen format to match your TV. You must connect an Xbox 360 HD AV Cable to configure high definition display modes. Then when I click on HDTV settings it just asks me to set resolution (ex: 480p, 720p, 1080i). It does NOT allow me to mess with screen format.
So this isn’t as cool as the job prospect- my screen looks crisper but the only way to get true HDMI is to take my hard drive off- trade my 360 in for a NEW one with a HDMI port( which they all have after September) and then perhaps trade the hard drive of the NEW Xbox in. I say trade the new one in because I’ve paid for downloads, and there’s really no way to transfer them without either a) constantly being connected to Xbox Live to confirm that you are the person who originally downloaded them ( with this option you re-download after proving that you paid)… or b) buying cables for this one time event of hooking the two drives together… and I’d rather just keep what I have for now.
Ah well. At least the Xbox 360 is set right after about 4 months.

Crap Puppies.

2007-09-25T16:00:00.000-04:00

The amount of things I accomplished today barely even count as accomplishments. All I seemed to do was wake up and kill time.

I play a bit of X Box 360, Watched a bit of cartoons ( X-Men Evolution) with breakfast, got a book from the BPL, listened to my friend kvetch about how bad the OTHER workers at the game store fucked up while he was gone for a long weekend.

Oh and I sent ONE resume in for a job. I might have felt better about sending at least ONE resume out if it wasn't for the fact that I TOTALLY suck.
Yeah- I didn't proof my letter and I mentioned ANOTHER place that I had recently applied to. So while I got a quick response... it was to tell me that perhaps I had applied for the wrong job... and to let me know while they DID have a job with the same title( as I had gotten that right) their job was part time with NO benefits.
So even though I'm FORTY I had a friend (who has had like one job in the past decade or two) help me out with an apology letter as he didn't want me to 'qualify' my mistake with IF I DID IT... as I saw that I had done it; and likewise he didn't want me apologizing like 5 or so times (which as Evan might have notice I tend to do in r/l).

All I've accomplished in the past week or so is X Box 360 accomplishments... and reading some books. My place is a pig sty, my job sucks and my life sort of consists of escapism... i.e. escaping said life.
I got a message from my older brother saying how tired he was because of everything on HIS plate and then he mentioned how tired I must be… and for a moment or two it seemed like he wasn’t sure WHY I would be tired, and then chalked that I most likely am tired because my life sucks.

I feel utterly useless- I mean I’ve been up for 8 hours or so and I couldn’t even apply to ONE job without fucking it up.

I’m going to go to the gift store now to kill some time- give my friend money for a Fin Fang Foom- which I have NO place in my apartment to put save for on comic book boxes which I’ve been told are a fire hazard- not because they BURN but because they are right in front of the fire escape. I was told that they are a fire hazard on Friday and I’ve done NOTHING about them all day.

I’m hoping I can at least motivate myself to go to the gym as I ate a bit too much pre and post fast.

Bleh.

Books in September

2007-09-25T10:00:00.000-04:00

23- Stars in My Pocket, Like Grains of Sand by Samuel R. Delany
24- This is My Funniest- edited by Mike Resnick.
25- Assault on Reason by Al Gore
26- The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump by Harry Turtledove.
27- Death by the Riverside by J.M. Redmann

Ok, first I’m scratching my head as I thought there SHOULD be another book between Deadly Hollows (22) and Stars in My Pocket, Like Grains of Sand by Samuel R. Delany( 23) but I didn’t blog about it… and I suck… so will say that there was NOTHING between them. ARGH.
Stars in My Pocket, Like Grains of Sand by Samuel R. Delany- even though I finished it and read it for a while it appears- I never really got into it. Part of me blamed my reading habits, of only reading a few pages at a time on my commute or on breaks… But I’m able to read OTHER books just fine like that; so I feel most of the blame needs to go to Samuel R Delany. I feel he should get part of the blame because of his messing around with the pronouns. He uses a generic SHE A LOT… So I sometimes have to pause and remember that most of the characters are actually MALE, even though Delany is referring to them as SHE. I think I was recommended this book by Amazon- I know none of my friends recommended it- and I don’t plan to recommend it to anyone else.

This is my Funniest (24) I read on my trip to Cali… finishing it up about midway on my 10 hour or so flights back. It is a collection of short stories chosen by EACH writer as what they consider their funniest. As I love reading short story collections- I had read many of these before- esp. as two of them came from Global Dispatches- about what ELSE was going on in the world during the Martian Invasion ( ala H.G. Wells and NOT Orson.). One of my favorites I had NOT read before, The Capo of Darkness by Laura Resnick (daughter of Mike), this story portrays Satan as a Don- ala the Godfather and has Adam and Eve asking him a favor- they want him to waste the Main Man… No, not Lobo, God. Satan points out that he’s tried this but since God is immortal- He sort of got tired of just womping on God.
My favorite lines from the story were:
“Yes, well, rumor has it that no one with the capacity to feel guilt winds up here.” She said
“No, we’ve got some Jews here.” A moment later I admitted, “Well, okay, only the ones who were lawyers.”

So my ‘midway point’ if I actually thought I was going to do 50, which I highly doubt, is Al Gore’s Assault on Reason (25). I should say that while I think it is well written, I was aware of many of the problems that the ‘union’ has: That our president lies to us on a regular basis, that the president and his party try to ‘sell’ us on their ideas- using television as tool to fit their needs, that the fact that it cost SO MUCH to run for office( because most elected officials spend most of their budgets on Television commercials that they don’t have time to do their job), that the C-SPAN cameras aren’t allowed to pan congress when they cover congress- so we can’t see how many of our representatives are NOT there during debates; esp as they spend too much of their time trying to raise money for their campaigns to actually legislate, and that the news media is now ‘tamed’- example we hear more about O.J. and his LATEST alleged crime then we do about Blackwater- and by golly I want to hear more about Blackwater. I’m sick of these newscycles with NO NEWS.
Actually what bothered me about this book, was while I felt it was well written and would recommend it, was the fact that a) he quotes Andrew Jackson and doesn’t single Jackson out for HIS abuse of power. I’m referring to the Trail of Tears- The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the government didn’t have the right to relocate the Cherokee; Jackson had them relocated and pointed out that the Supreme Court did NOT have the power to stop him. Which reminds me A LOT of W.’s abuses of powers.
b) Was Gore’s love of Lincoln. I know that many historians love Lincoln but I don’t. See while Lincoln freed the slaves- he did it as a political move. Lincoln was ALL about the federal government- he once said “"If I could free all of the slaves and save the Union, I would, and if I could free some of the slaves and save the Union, I would also do that, and if I could free none of the slaves and save the Union I would do that, too." And thus I really don’t think he was as great as people make him out.

The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump (26) - I had sort of recommended this book to my brother’s step daughter (and btw- should I be calling her NIECE? I mean I’ve realized I’m never going to get a tattoo of my nephews’ and niece’s names- because then I’d have to tattoo my niece’s half sisters and what happens if my brother gets dumped by the mom?). I thought this book was ok for a 10 year old… I had thought of it for her, because she liked Harry Potter and I wanted to fan her interest in fantasy. The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump is about a world that has MAGIC instead of TECHNOLOGY; so instead of cars, they have flying carpets, Virtual Reality becomes Virtuous Reality, and phones have little demons in them… Our hero is a member of the EPA- Environmental Perfection Agency and is investigating a… Toxic Spell Dump. The premise I thought was amusing- if you replace technology with magic- you’re still going to end up with ‘trash’ and toxic waste, just a different kind.
I decided before I gave it to her to re-read MY copy. Not being able to find it, I ordered two from Amazon… As a friend recently re-read it and said it was ok for the 10 year old. I started questioning his decision when I got to page 31 and it had the main character mentions to his girlfriend “… and then you’ll think I invited you over just to lure you into bed.” which I thought might be borderline for today’s youth… However when the main character (and narrator) gets his girl home after dinner on page 35 and mentions CONTRACEPTIVES… She takes her ‘roots’ with beer; he “… kept the testicles and blood of a dunghill cock under [his] bed” Which I really felt was NOT ok for the 10 year old.
I also was a bit fearful that the author used the word ‘molest’. Granted our hero mentioned he was NOT molested by his girlfriend, as he wanted it, but I just thought that was a big NO-NO, another word I don’t think a ten year old girl should have in her lexicon.

And between the time I started writing these reviews and posting them I’ve read book 27- Death by the Riverside by J.M. Redmann. I LOVED this book. I bought because I thought it was ‘right up my alley’. A lesbian hard boiled detective novel- love lesbian fiction AND detectives… But it just was more awesome than I could have hoped for. It was written in first person, which I normally can take or leave (I have a friend who adds points to a book if it’s written in first person), but this really helped get into the character- Mickey Knight. Mickey has A LOT of layers/baggage- which is a huge plus to me for a detective. I also loved how her ‘origin’ is played out- we don’t get everything at once but bits and pieces of her tragic life… She drinks too much, is sarcastic, and has problems letting people into her life- which is your usual detective set up, but the way in which Redmann writes Mickey… You really feel for Mickey and hopes she’s able to make everything ok. I know this was the first book in the series (I ordered the second one from Amazon yesterday), but I still was deeply worried about Mickey’s survival because Redmann is a GOOD writer.
Not sure if I’ll read all 4 of Redmann’s books this year but know I will read them.

Footnotes:
I would also like to mention that I read this weekend: Devils Arithmetic by Jane Yolan. I’m not counting it because it’s a ‘kid’s book’ about a 160 pages. I read it because my brother’s gf suggested I buy Anne Frank for her 9 year old… I was a bit unsure of this (granted it is her kid) and thought perhaps Devil’s Arithmetic might be better suited for a 9 year old then Anne Frank. After reading it- I think I will get the 9 year old Anne Frank. I know that Devil’s Arithmetic was written for kids; but I don’t think it’s any more kid friendly because how can you REALLY write a kid friendly version of the Holocaust? I like Anne Frank more because it deals with a REAL kid and it talks about Anne hiding from the Nazis, and what that entails. Devil’s Arithmetic deals with the actual camps- so I think it’s more of a punch to the guts- in Anne Frank, you read that Anne doesn’t survive but in Devil’s Arithmetic you read more about the horrors of the camps.

I also read this weekend the Doctor 13 trade by Brian Azzarello. Love it. I mean LOVED IT. Doesn’t count as a book but mentioning it here because well… it has a Nazi Super Soldier Vampire APE! I want to play that sort of character in a game even if it’s a GMPC.

My Sins...

2007-09-20T09:58:00.000-04:00

For Yom Kippur I have to apologize for all my sins. One of my rabbis told us we had to apologize for ALL sins, because by say not stopping W. from sending our troops over to Iraq- are we not all guilty of the deaths there( I’m paraphrasing as we weren’t AT WAR at the time, but you get the idea).

This year, I’m breaking my ‘own’ rules. See, you are suppose to NOT work for the holidays( sort of the 4th commandment- keeping things holy), so as I’ve ‘celebrated’ Yom Kippur on my own- I don’t answer the phone, I don’t use my computer or television, or use money- thereby forcing others to work. I really cut out the television and computer as I realized how easy it is to fast IF I watch TV and play vidgames- and I feel fasting shouldn’t be too easy- as the point of the fast is to cleanse the body and stuff.
HOWEVER on Saturday I plan to have a bit of fun, not sure how much fun it will really be by playing Heroclix. I’m playing in Heroclix because… Well they have an ‘event’ at the game store and if I play I get a member of the Silver Age Justice League with a Starro’d face. I really want the 4 members of the JLA that they’re doing this with- well 3 as I want Barry- Flash who hasn’t appeared in Heroclix YET, Aquaman and Green Arrow… and for the set I’ll get Hal as well ( though I would have MUCH preferred J’onn). So even though I plan NOT to work on Saturday, I will be at the game store and might end up kibbutzing- esp. as the guy who will be working there on Saturday is a newbie. Likewise- I just said I try to decrease my footprint by not doing anything that might force others to work- well I figure if I’m doing heroclix- I can take the train to a friend’s house. I’m doing that because he’s going to a anime convention for the weekend and wants me to feed his cat. And I don’t think the cat should have to fast because I am.

So I figured to help me get over feeling bad for ‘bending’ the rules- I’d post here the 10 Commandments( most of which I remember by heart) and whether or not I have broken them.

I am the Lord your God
1) Thou shalt have no other gods before me
Since I consider myself to be agnostic with atheistic leanings (I find it depressing to believe in a God and him to allow what’s going on in the world). Thus I have NOT broken this commandment- this year or any other
2) Thou shalt not worship graven images
Ok- never had a problem with this- save for baiting some Christians, as I often feel that the cross is a graven image.
3) Thou shalt not take the name of the lord, thy god’s, in vain
Another no brainer- as while I occasionally curse and say GDI, or GFDI- I’m not using the big Y’s name. Same with me saying Jesus F’ing Christ- I don’t consider J to be God- so using his name isn’t taking G-d’s name in vain.
4) Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy
And here’s where we hit the first speed bump. I regularly break this one EVERY year, because working retail there’s NO WAY to avoid working on the Sabbath. I suppose if I worked in an office- in spring and summer I’d be able to get home before sunset- but I’d still use my tv and computer… which to orthodox Jews is considered work… so this I break constantly and will continue to break- sorry.
5) Honor thy Father and Mother
Nope. Don’t do that. While I honor my Mom more now then I did as a kid… I’ve been making fun of her recently for trying to get me to go on Jlist- I mean Jdate ;-) and hooking me up with a nice Jewess as now that I’m sort of in shape- she thinks I can snag a girl…
As for my Dad, I consider him a schmuck. He doesn’t honor me or my older brother and I see NO reason to honor him.
6) Thou shalt not murder
And we’re back to- nope never. While I have THOUGHT how cool it would be to kill people- I have never ACTUALLY preformed the deed… and chances are I never will. This would be tested ONLY if I felt I had an actual chance to take out W. or Rumsfeld.
7) Thou shalt not commit adultery
Nope, Never. Not this year, not ever. Granted I am NOT married but I would like to think considering my contempt for my Dad (see 5), I never would… and usually when I find out a female is ‘taken’ I consider her off limits…
8) Thou shalt not steal
Ok- another one I’m guilty of. I mean I’m not stealing a) huge wads of cash or b) from the game store- but I will admit that I have stolen from the gift store… Little things that hopefully won’t get me fired (as I haven’t been yet).
I also will admit that I have been downloading comics- now most of the comics I download are ones that I would NEVER buy or just want a computer copy which takes up less space… But downloading comics I haven’t bought is prolly considered stealing and I’ve done more of that then taking trinkets from the gift store.
Oh and I sneak into movies at the theater because I feel $11 for the crap Hollywood is dumping at the multiplex is WRONG.
9) Thou shalt not bear false witness
Hmmm… No. I have not born false witness. I have lied, but a) haven’t done it in court and b) haven’t done it to get someone ELSE in trouble. I usually lie by omission with my parents, as I don’t think they NEED to know everything… and have lied to help people or, again with my folks, just make the conversation a little smoother. Like pretending a give a damn about my father’s current wife.
10) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, nor thy neighbor’s wife.
Ok, this is the biggest one. I covet A LOT. Now part of my coveting might be considered lust; I mean really why would you covet your neighbor’s wife unless you wanted to boff her?

So that’s 4, 5, 8, and 10 for a total of 4 out of 10. On the one hand breaking 40% of the commandments SEEMS bad- but when you look at them- I think I’m batting about average to slightly below average. The one that bothers me, and I truly feel sorry for is 8- again I’m not stealing anything BIG or taking money out of the mouths of widows and orphans… but occasionally I do feel pangs of wrongness from stealing; while I ask for forgiveness for the others- I really don’t feel ashamed about NOT keeping the Sabbath, Honoring my parents, or coveting a sweet young thing at the gym( though I feel a tad like a dirty old man).

ARGH Mateys!

2007-09-19T21:09:00.000-04:00

A little too bit in my cup, but wanted to wish EVERYONE a happy Talk Like A Pirate Day. Sadly I should've done this ealier in the day... but I didn't remember until I was at the gym what day today was and I felt a NEED to buy a proper pirate hat before meeting a friend for supper. Of course since we had made this plan before I remembered, we ended up having BEER instead of RUM... but drank we did as we parlayed.

I was happy to explain to a cute little wench on the t who noticed my hat and thought it was a 'pirate week' of some sort, that today was Talk Like A Pirate Day... and I was honoring my heritage of Buccaneer-Americans... She was suprised that a pirate had such good grammer.
I did get an ARGH! while in a bookstore with a friend as we were scoping out the some books( I know not very piratical- but again I had agreed to meet him before I realized the holiday)... A wench had noticed my swashbuckling hat and had responded in kind.

Once we got to the tavern to drink our grog- And we did drink deep and hearty. And I noticed a group of scally wags at the bar- who seemed to be talking like a pirate- so I got up and toasted them
Drink Up My Hearties YO HO! A pirate's life for me!

And yes- I have pirate CREDS!

A Pirate Raider
You scored 3 Honor, 6 Justice, 7 Adventure, and 7 Individuality!

More than just the usual swabbie, you demand not only the life at sea, free from landlubbers and their rules, but also you require adventure and excitement. You're happiest when the guns are blazing, the risk high, the outcome uncertain, but the chance for reward substansial. Your kind are welcomed as allies and feared as enemies.

Put on your wooden leg and hook. You'll do just fine!

This test tracked 4 variables. How the score compared to the other people's:

Higher than 3% on Ninjinuity

Higher than 72% on Knightlyness

Higher than 56% on Cowboiosity

Higher than 70% on Piratical Bent

Link: The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test written by fluffy71 on Ok Cupid

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Go Down Moses

2007-09-14T09:32:00.000-04:00

Just want to mention the new ‘contest’ at the gift store- the flair smiley face became LIA, so my manager came up with a NEW EXICITING contest. He would hide a game piece- called the Pharaoh, somewhere in the store… We are then to FIND the Pharaoh and clean up that section. Yeah, not enough to FIND, we MUST clean up a section that they have deemed the messiest. IF we do this we get a coupon good for an EXTRA FIVE minutes on our 15 min. break- i.e. 5 min. of slack time for however long it took us to clean that section…
Before I go on- I should mention that Pharaoh has gone MIA himself for a couple of times. The first when the manager felt one of the assistants hid him TOO well, thus perhaps they’ve learned the object is NOT for them to hide Pharaoh but for us to be able to easily find him so that we can CLEAN the section. Yesterday, after doing a full scan of the store, I asked the manager IF he had hid the Pharaoh Wednesday night as I couldn’t find Pharaoh and was informed- nope, it wasn’t hidden.
So Pharaoh isn’t a smash success with the managers as they hide it too well or forget to hide it. Likewise it doesn’t seem to be a hit with us worker drones, though one person seems to like finding Pharaoh and cleaning as he’s done it four times. I’ve found ‘found’ it 3 times and cleaned around him twice. I put found in ‘’s because the second time- a co-worker who REFUSES to be a part of the contest found Pharaoh and refused to clean around it. She told me where the Pharaoh was- and I figured I was bored and I’d rather get the extra 5 min. break then be yelled at for doing nothing and have them find me ‘busy work’ to do. The third time I found it- I asked the manager to clarify as I found it in the break area- and wasn’t sure if it wasn’t hidden the night before or if he was trying to get me to clean the break area. He was trying to get someone to clean up the break area… and I decided F*** NO! So I left the Pharaoh where it was. See, I’m pretty clean when I’m at work; and as I blogged my last straw at Staples was when I was ORDERED for the umpteenth time to clean up after the cow and keep the copy center clean and orderly. When I eat lunch in the break area- I make sure to bus my tray and clean up after myself and I didn’t think it was worth a 5 min. of break time to clean up after these punks… esp. as I then see this as enabling- because it reinforces the idea that if they don’t clean up, someone ELSE will. My manager then told one of his flunkies….. I mean Assistant Managers, in my ear shot, that I had found the Pharaoh but hadn’t cleaned up the break area. I ‘defended’ myself by point out that it wasn’t MY mess… The Assistant Manager, of course, tried to pick apart my argument; which, of course, has made me cool off even more about cleaning the store….
In fact the same Assistant Manager, Lm , that looked down his nose at me because I wouldn’t clean up the break room recently remarked to me that the Pharaoh hadn’t been ‘claimed’ in a few days so either a) it was MIA AGAIN or b) people were choosing NOT to find it and clean. I smirked but didn’t say anything. I don’t mind working for my pay but 1) I really get peeved at cleaning up after my co workers- I mean it is bad enough I gotta throw out all the crap the customers leave in the store. 2) I find it funny that at least one of my co-workers feel that the carrot management is dangling is NOT worth it.
Oh and no, I did NOT out the person who told me where the Pharaoh was and let me clean up the section. I THOUGHT about it to defend myself from Lm’s derision by pointing out that another person also opted out of cleaning up after Pharaoh but decided since I didn’t like Lm and sorta liked my other co worker… so I kept my mouth shut.

Happy New Year!

2007-09-13T19:59:00.000-04:00

Today

2007-09-11T21:41:00.000-04:00

So as I watched Countdown tonight, I felt I should say something on my blog. So here it is:
Nine- Eleven aka September the 11th, is just a day. Like December 7th, bad stuff happened on this day BUT in historical context- there ended up being more bad stuff that has happened.
Yes- the sneak attack by the Japanese on the United States was bad- but it palled upon learning what the Japanese and Germans were doing in their death camps.

So yes, the attack and the destruction of the two towers was bad; but what I find WORSE is it has been 2185 days since W. promised to get Bin Laden DEAD or ALIVE… and Bin Laden is safe enough that he has made his own 9/11 speech.

I’m putting a link for the $ amounts spent on the war… I’m putting this link because it changes EVERY minute.

Because I can't properly embed it- here is a link to current american casualties in The War Against Terror; which currently exceddes the amount that were killed on this date by the terrorists. Oh and it also has the amount of WOUNDED... ya know the people who are NOT getting help at Walter Reed.

And I have a link on the side of my blog to http://www.iraqbodycount.org/ which currently lists. It should be noted that iraqbodycount is considered a lowball number… Oh and it’s still 20x more then the US lost on that fateful day… And I would imagine that most of the Iraqi deaths have also been ‘civilians’.

W. has lied to us on a regular basis about 9/11- getting America to attack another country because HE wanted us to attack them…

To me the tragedy of today is not the deaths of the 3,000+ people who died- but that the mastermind who plotted it, is still free and our leaders have used the attack on our nation to take away our rights and freedoms AND take away the rights, freedoms and lives of Iraqis who have done the U.S. NO HARM.

I blame W. more then I blame Bin Laden for what has happened to our country. Though I guess the irony( if there is any) is that Bin Laden MUST be happy he found his perfect foil in W.; as W. could NOT be a better opponent for Bin Laden if he was a double agent actually taking orders from Bin Laden.

De-Faced

2007-09-10T23:16:00.000-04:00

I joined facebook to see the pics Evan took while I was in Ca. He also mentioned making me a zombie- which seemed oddly amusing…. And so I being the sheep that I am joined facebook.
I have already decided that this is a BAD idea. I was suppose to this morning send an email to a guy to talk to him about a possible job in a local public library… INSTEAD I ‘bought’ a round of beers, preformed ‘spells’ and otherwise wasted my time on facebook. I will admit that I also spent a little TOO much time playing video games.
BUT I really have to search for a job because my life sucks.

And I have to say that if I’m to waste my time- I feel more ‘accomplished’ playing video games then farting around facebook. I will finish my game of scrabble (or whatever they call it on face) but that’s it…

I need to get a real job, and I think I should also actually get a driving lesson or two.
That’s my ‘first’ new year’s resolutions… others might follow in the coming days, but I think the important thing is not to waste too much time farting around when I should be looking for a job or increasing my chances to get a job that doesn’t suck.

Not writing the letter now as too darn tired (also reason why letter wasn’t written on Sunday God Damn It!) but plan to write it tomorrow.

[ it also prolly helps me saying this that in order to play the zombie game- I need to get two or three other people faced, because right now all my zombie does is get attacked and he can’t attack back.]

Cranky.

2007-09-03T08:25:00.000-04:00

Well I'm *trying* to play overlord; but between worrying about how buggy it is( there are like 3 bugs in it that I know of and I thought I hit one yesterday) and it's auto-save( not sure which I like less- few save points or auto saves), I just feel like a compleat smeg-head... Oh and I had to figure out if I wanted to be a 'good' overlord or a 'bad' one... I choose good because for my first decision I didn't really want the food so I now have to play it GOOD to get an acheivement on Xbox( you get acheivement for 0 Curruption or 100%, no middle ground). Not sure I made the right choice but this is the choice I made...

Heck most of my choices in life haven't been good.

I hate my job... Totally NOT looking forward to work today- but then I haven't for ages as people I like have left and the new people sux.
One of the Supervisors really ticks me off because she treats me like the 17 year old snots who I work with... Whenever I tell her I'm going to the bathroom, she asks if I put up my 'register closed' sign. EVERY TIME. It's like 'I get it' and the fact that I tell her I did it- doesn't change the fact that she still asks the NEXT TIME. It was also a tad annoying in that I got an extra 5 min. for my break (earned it by cleaning up more) and it almost took her a min. to figure out what time I needed to be back- because she felt a NEED to tell me when to be back and wanted to do the math... and could NOT for the life of her add 20 min to the current time.
UGH!
Much of my interactions with management is them treating me like I don't 'get it', even though it's clear that I do. I understand that if I'm not ringing I should be cleaning. I understand that if I help do a project- it helps to take a second and see how the last person did the project so I can do it right-like Saturday someone was pricing patches and then putting them back in the packages and box... I started doing the same, and then was told ( by the same supervisor I grump above) to make sure that I was pricing the patches and then putting them BACK in the bags- which I was.

I also find it amusing that if I called in sick today- not but if I did, I'd get like a 'free' sick day as today is a holiday... So getting paid 1/2 time to deal with this crap.
Say half time because if I do NOT show up today- I'd get paid time( holiday) while if I show up I get paid time and 1/2( ot because of holiday)... so I'm getting paid 1/2 time to work. However I need the money( have to figure out tomorrow if I can rejoin the gym this week).

The game store wasn't much better yesterday as there are two boneheads who work there( one who I've wanted to get fired for years). I wanted to watch a dvd at work- and they broke the dvd player. So I was in a bad mood and the two regular customers weren't helping. One was the old guy who just babbled at me, and the other was this anal retentive guy who wanted to get a game going in the backroom- however none of the other regulars showed up because it was 'moving day' here in Boston so normal people avoided boston if they could help it. So the anal guy procedded to knock down games while browsing on a regular basis and whine that there was no one to play with (not my problem).

And yes- moving day- First week of Sept. when ALL the students come back. Not fun esp. as I have no idea if my NEW neighbors will be nice quiet people or loud obnoxious college students.

Lastly- I'll be taking a pic of my tat in the next couple of days and am pretty sure that even after making sure the tattooist KNEW that I wanted my new tattoos to be the same size as my old ones( this is AFTER explaining to her that I wanted my tattoos to be vertical, like the ones on my back and not horizonital as she somehow thought...) I'm pretty sure that they are NOT as bold as the old ones.
Likewise I fear that her refreshing them might have messed up the arabic- though I have no proof...
The tats have just been a bit of a pain and I'm in a foul mood so I'm paranoid.

And my mom has NOT helped, I called her on Sunday and she complained that I didn't call her in Cali--- and I'm like I'm calling you NOW...( not saying the B word but thinking it)... She just said how UNhappy she was and how I never call... and again I'm like I'm calling NOW, and maybe if you made this call nice I'd call more often.
Then when I told her I was planning two photo albums- one with people and one with the Golden Gate Bridge- she pointed out that she didn't want to see the NON people pictures as she's seen the bridge. And I felt- this is why I didn't send the Amsterdam pictures... because it was just scenery.
UGh!

Gotta go now. gotta apply goo to tat and then go to work.

Bleah.
And dislike the fact that I've got to ask clues on how to play overlord... games should be easy.

Movie Time

2007-08-31T10:48:00.000-04:00

Ok- watched a bunch of movies recently- two with Evan, the other due to Evan so just felt I should share my enjoyment of the flixs.

First movie we saw together was Hot Fuzz- it was seen because it was Simon Pegg, Evan had it and I had yet to see it. It was an Hoot. I think I mentioned a few too times how gay it was- but that’s because it was making fun of the cop buddy movie which are pretty gay (as is football if you wave ‘context’). I also felt it proved that Simon Pegg could act- because while I liked him in Spaced and Shawn of the Dead- he could easily have been playing himself in both movies- however in Hot Fuzz he was not the usual slacker fanboy but an ace police man and I thought he did a bang up job.

The second movie I watch with Evan- because I was a little too tired to go drinking on Sunday was 28 Days Later. I’m not huge into the Zombie genre- I think other then Shawn I’ve seen one ….Of the Dead- the one with the Mall because I had to see people getting killed in a Mall. I enjoyed 28 Days Later and have put 28 Weeks Later on my netflix save queue- so it’ll pop up on my regular queue in Oct. I enjoyed 28 Days Later- though not as much as Hot Fuzz- and TOTALLY saw Evan’s point that Zombie movies aren’t about the Zombies but the ‘survivors’ and society. Won’t spoil 28 Days Later, though I imagine that Adj. has either seen it or plans NOT to. But do think it was good.

Just want to mention again that after the game, and 28 Days Later, we ended up seeing Coupling- which I rather liked and thought was quite funny. Darn it britcoms are really much better then much of what we have here.

Evan sent me home with D*E*B*S*. It was NOT what I expected- but unlike Stranger then Fiction where I was very disappointed because I felt I was sold a quirky comedy and received a quirky romance in it’s place… for D*E*B*S* I expected t and a and humor- along the lines of Bring It On, but I got a comedy more along the lines of But I’m a Cheerleader. I think D*E*B*S* was more funny then But I’m a Cheerleader (and had more t & a) BUT then But I’m a Cheerleader tried to tackle the whole ‘she’s gay’ in a semi realistic, but humorous, manner whereas D*E*B*S*, had no REAL blowback for the main characters being gay… which made it more lighthearted.
I give a thumbs up for D*E*B*S*.

Other movies I’ve recently seen from Netflix- Gargoyles Season 2, Part 1. I gotta say that Gargoyles was really a GREAT cartoon. Though I’ve noticed myself occasionally checking to see how much violence a cartoon gets away with. Gargoyles gets away with A LOT. In a 4 parter (most of Gargoyles episodes are part of a larger story), Demona turns the Humans in Manhattan into statues… and then proceeds to bust some of the statues. Now we don’t see blood- because they’re statues and when the humans get turned back, we do NOT see on camera the people that Demona has killed/maimed but it’s really THERE.
I’ve also seen X:Men Evolution Season 1, still love it, and Groovy Goolies- which did NOT age well.

Ok that’s it. Prolly have more to blog about BUT need to get on with my day…

My Trip to Cali

2007-08-29T15:59:00.000-04:00

As I regal you of my trip to the West Coast- I have decided to start with talking about visiting my brother and his new family… Because let’s face it- I know the only way you’re gonna read about me hanging out with my niece is if I put my visit to Casa Peterson at the end.
For the first leg of my trip I had a few ‘basic’ goals- all of which were met.
My first was to hang out with my niece and her sisters. They’re 9 and 10 and I figured they’d be a bit more interesting to be around then the niece (what with her only being 3 months).
My niece is so very cute. Really she is. I know I’m biased but I think it’s more like her survival skills- she has to look cute so people feed her. I mean she’s like 3 months old (born in May) so all she does is poop, eat, scream and cute. So she’d be out of luck if she couldn’t do cute.
In fact two of the mornings I was with my brother’s family I was content to just sit with my niece on my lap- when of course she wasn’t crying for food or attention.
The second thing I wanted to do was walk the Golden Gate Bridge. Did it both ways… and I also went to the fort at it’s base (Fort Point). Sadly the Fort wasn’t open as I REALLY wanted to get a picture looking UP at the bridge. It was at the Fort that I realized how tall the GG is- when I was walking the bridge I was more concerned with the vibrations (due to the cars) then I was the height.
Third was to go to Alcatraz. I was surprised to find out that my step brother and my brother’s step daughters had never been to The Rock- so it was a nice little outing. I really think it was more fun with them there with me, then had I done it by myself.
I wanted to go to a Microbrewery, and hadn’t really PLANED it, but was very glad I got to one. Basically the day that I went to Alcatraz with my step brother- who taught that morning- I had some time to kill and was faced with the choice of going to Haight St. and hanging out there or going to Fisherman’s Warf. I decided on Haight St. where I found a couple of good bargains (and paid FAR too much for a Batman shirt for my newest nephew) and found Magnolia- a microbrewery that also had some good fries. I highly recommend it.
Lastly was the Cartoon Art Museum in San Fran., which was on my way to Greyhound (and Evan). It was smaller then I had hoped for (one floor- four ‘rooms’) but they had a nice exhibit of Edward Gory’s Dracula.

And must end my S.F. part of my trip by mentioning that my brother has two pets and he lets his dog( Maya) and Cat (Toto) run free… as such as I was leaving we found that the BABY had flea bites… and apparently the fleas got to me as well. Just glad that I got the tattoo AFTER dealing with the fleas (my back doesn’t itch though my ankles do), as I would hate for the fleas to have gone after the open wound.

So after doing all of the above and spending a few days hanging out with my brother and his family; I got on the Greyhound to see Evan.
My bus trip was uneventful- save for it being longer then advertised…. And Aeia was with Evan to welcome me to Chico. Wanting to make conversation with Aeia- I asked her how she pronounced her name. In fact one of the nicest things about my stay with the Petersons was on Monday, Aeia presented me with a picture she did for me at school and on the back she signed it Aeia and underneath her signature- (I-ah), which is the way you pronounce her name.
My list of things I wanted to do in Chico was a bit less then S.F. as I was going mainly to hang out with Evan, get a tattoo with him (as sort of a bonding experience) and met his family- and I had hoped to met his gaming group as well. Secondary Goals- which were also met, were to see Taylor Hall, which has an interesting mural on it; and to ACTUALLY game with Evan- which I was very happy his crew let me… and to play a game of Heroclix with one of his colossal figures- which we did on Monday while his kids were in school.
I was very pleased that Denise,GM, and the rest of her players allowed me to join their D&D game, which I had a blast doing. It was my first time playing 3.5 and Evan and Denise were a big help creating my character. I played a ½ Orc Female with Pippi Longstocking braids. She was name Harl- as A) that’s a Male Orc name and seemed right for her, and b) My love of Harley… Actually I loved the fact that one of Evan’s other friends (Jon?) ended up being called Harlen which lead to a bit of confusion. Harl managed to rack up the best body count of the game- taking out most of a bat swarm( who almost got the better of her), a skeleton and oh yeah, Harl fumbled and took out a party member by mistake. I think we all thought it was funny- I found it especially ironic as the player (Chris) was SO fatalistic and was sure that Denise would kill him- so I was happy to help him be the first PC death. Of course a ½ Orc killing a human paladin didn’t go over too well with the rest of the party… So Harl became the second party fatality by Terry( who was in our Evan DCU game), with a little help from Evan….Which I had NO PROBLEM with as I had fun with Harl and knew that she’d be cannon fodder when I left anyway.
As mentioned, one of the main things I wanted to do was get a tattoo with Evan. I was amused as it ended up being done the way I pictured it unintentionally- which is to say Evan got a tattoo, while I talked to him; and then I got a tattoo while he sorta distracted me from the pain. Evan was more of a trooper then I was- but I also want to note that tattoos take to him better. Mine was puffy and red, his was a tad red but not as much. In fact after my first tattoo- I wondered if my tattoo was going to be ‘3-D because it was so puffy. We got our tats on Saturday and while Evan had originally planned drinking AFTER- which was kaboshed when the tattoo artist, who I thought was cute (and Evan noticed pregnant), mentioned we shouldn’t drink after tattooing. So we just hung out with the Chrises( and Evan’s friends Jon and Brian) which I found very cool.
I want to mention how nice I felt the whole Peterson Clan was to me. Usually I’m a shy person, being a bit of a wallflower at a party( hey I’m a dork and admit it), but I really think I was ‘at ease’ with Evan and his family as I felt I knew them… and the Chrises( and the rest) accepted me as ‘one of their own’.
I sort of wish I took a picture of the whole gaming group- because although I got a picture of the Chrises and Denise, I didn’t take a lot of pics… MOST of the pictures I took in Chico were of Rael- and I made sure I got Evan’s permission to take them… Promising to share them with him and NOT on my blog; Rael was just a cutie.
Though that said- I think Aeia is going to be a real heartbreaker when she grows up. I got a picture of her, Lash and Evan on Monday before I left… Denise wasn’t in the picture because she was at work--- so very glad I took the picture of her and the Chrises. Aeia was at least as cute as Rael- though Rael worked it a bit more… and she was very nice to me( again she made a picture for me).
And also on Monday, before I left, while the kids were at School Evan and I played a game of Heroclix. I had a group of Supermen( all the ones that Heroclix had come out with) and Krypto( they were taking him out for his walkies) against Fin Fam Foom. I was amazed that I won. I know that Evan helped me- as this is the first time in years I played Heroclix- but I don’t think he threw it and that I actually won.
We also watched far too much tv- which I had NO problem with… and the blame for watching soo much would go to me anyways as I was sort of tired on Sunday night so after the game- we ended up watching 28 Days Later and several episodes of Coupling- which I thought was AN HOOT! Coupling is on BBC America, and I would recommend it. It’s what Friends would be if a) Friends was actually FUNNY and b) Friends was allowed to do ADULT humour. I would say most of the comedy of Coupling wouldn’t get past American censors (esp. the Lesbian Spank Inferno episode).

I also want to thank Kel for putting the elephant in the room. Basically on one of his visits to Boston- Kel mentioned that he often thinks of Evan as his previous name… I never had that problem… HOWEVER since Kel mentioned this I was constantly worried about calling Evan the wrong name. AND I did do just that once. I don’t remember WHEN- I just notice that I did it… Evan didn’t comment on it, so I decided to pretend it never happened rather than apologize profusely.

Lastly I want mention I did get on the scale Tuesday and was amazed. I feared the worst as I had about a beer a day with lunch, had much bigger (and often later) dinners then I usually have( one night having dinner about 1/2 hour before bed) and I only was about a couple of pounds ‘over’. My permanent goal is to be betwixt 150 and 160. I’m 161…. Which I don’t consider bad for a week of vacation….
Oh and I most likely won’t put up a picture of MY tattoo ( added interlac and Russian) for another week or so as it needs to heal more.

If Evan thinks I left anything out- I ask that he puts it on LJ as well as blogger- that way Adj can read it.

Oh almost forgot- Pic of Evan and I:

Stress Cat

2007-08-20T08:59:00.000-04:00

Ok, I got majorly overstressed the past two days but I’m untying it today to get ready for my trip.
A bit ago, HippyBngStocking, asked me what ONE thing I would change if I could in retail. I chose to answer that I would change name captures as this peeved me from both sides of a transaction. Well the second thing I would change is I would give mandatory lessons in courtesy, as I think common courtesy is as rare as common sense here in the U.S. ( not sure if either is more/less common north of the border). Basically in retail I gat shat apon on a regular basis by customers and every so often by managers covering their butts from customers… and that’s what happened on Saturday afternoon. A woman showed me that she was a member of another museum and wanted a discount. See this is one of the times that the gift store is at odds with the museum. The Museum wants people to come in and learn stuff- and is linked to other establishments with the same goals to share information and better raise money TOGETHER. The gift store’s goal is to make $, and as such wants to give as FEW discounts as possible- so although the museum is linked to other museums and will accept their memberships- in the store you HAVE to be a member of THAT museum to get a discount. I told the woman that we ONLY honor memberships from OUR museum. She got peeved and explained to me that the museum accepted her membership from another museum as did the food court. I re-stated that we only give discounts to people who are a member of OUR museum. She felt that I was being arrogant about it, when really I was just being tired. I had told the woman our policy and she tried to argue with me… so I was just repeating our policy. I can NOT tell you how many times a day people ask to use a membership of another museum, and I have to explain that in the gift store we don’t reciprocate as the museum does. Heck, we’ve sorta been told to stop asking if someone’s a teacher… as again they don’t WANT to give a discount.
After the woman complains that I’m giving her attitude- never mind that she’s radiating her own attitude of entitlement… I tell her if she wants I can call the manager over. I usually am quick to bring a manager over… However that said at Staples, the manager would more often then not capitulate giving the customer whatever they wanted AND then make me look like the bad guy because I was towing company line and didn’t have the power to flaunt the rules. ANYWAY, the customer didn’t ask me to call over the manager until after the transaction was done. The manager in question was Kenny Boy. Kenny backed me up; at first, stating as I said that we don’t give discounts to other museum members…. However Kenny then filled out an ‘incident report’ to cover HIS butt and show that he talked to the woman, who accused me of being rude[ again in my opinion pot calling brown kettle black]. While he stated in the report HE SHOWED ME that he felt I did nothing wrong… I still don’t like the fact that Kenny felt he had to fill out a report- because HE was afraid she might talk to the museum about me….

The other thing that stressed me out Saturday was when I got home and found a past due cable bill. The bill was DUE on Tuesday and doing the math I realized that I wouldn’t be able to MAIL it in… So I figured I’d have to get up this morning early (which I did) and then travel a good hour or two out of my way to pay it at a service center. It wasn’t until 8am that I realized I could pay over the phone… which I did. Man, I would’ve saved a bunch of stress (and maybe have gotten an hour more of sleep) had I realized this. I guess I didn’t think of it because usually I pay bills with checks and I NEVER want to give companies permission to siphon off my bank account unless I have to (like with pay pal). Fortunately, I was able to do a one time payment on my cable bill- which also does my internet service.
And I should mention one of the other reasons this stressed me out was I need my hair to be buzzed- and I figured it wasn’t gonna get done unless it got done this( Monday) morning before my trip ( as I shove out at about 9am tomorrow for my noon flight). So I’ve got my time back because I was able to remember to phone it in… so I’m mellowing as bill is paid and I’m going to leave at 9am to ask my friend to buzz my hair- and I don’t have to be at work until 11am.

The next thing that spiked my stress levels was talking to my younger brother. I told my ½ brother that I was going to Cali shortly after I booked things, just in case he wanted to join me and our older brother. I did this for two reasons- a) I sorta like my younger brother and b) he has yet to see our niece… He called me last night and I found out that I was sending email to the wrong account. That sorta pissed me off, as while I have several yahoo accounts I still try and check them on a regular basis… just in case. I also was pissed as I’m pretty sure I told our dad about the trip, and not hearing from younger bro, and he explained that younger bro was BUSY… so I assumed that younger bro was too busy to get back to me. UGH. Oh well.
However on the positive front, after playing phone tag with my step brother- as he’s been working late in Cali and I’ve been going to bed early in Ma. which makes it hard to call each other… we’ve arranged at least one outing. I told him that I wanted to go to Alcatraz and he mentioned neither he nor his gf have been. So yesterday I ended up buying tickets for me, them and my older brother’s step daughters( as apparently they too have never been). I got a bit annoyed at the web site which seemed to be acting up as I had to print the 5 PAGES for all of our tickets. Likewise I got a bit peeved as 2/3rds of each page was taken up by color ads, several telling me to recycle- which sorta pissed me off as they were taking up MY color ink… and a portion of the page, which could’ve been used for the NEXT ticket.
Oh and was a little irked that this trip is costing MORE money now as I’m taking them all to Alcatraz- but oh well. I did however make it clear if they wanted to go see a baseball game( Giants V. Cubs) I would NOT pick up the tix, but would kick in some money. Now I wonder if I’ll be able to get any micro beer on my trip… though that said I WILL make time to go to the Cartoon Art Museum- with or without my bro’s step kids.

And yeah- I don’t really understand my stressing about my hair. I mean a couple of years ago if my hair was too long, well that was that… But I guess since I’m trying to be in good shape- I’m paying perhaps a bit too much attention to my looks. Sad state of affairs to ala my mom be so shallow that I’m worrying about the fact that my buzz hasn’t been done in a week or two… or the fact that I’m not sure if I want to wear some of my XL fanboy tees while with Evan because I might want to wear something that fits a bit better.

Also, have been stressing about meeting Evan for the first time. While I’m sure this stress is ungrounded, nevertheless it’s there… It could be because I’ve changed in the past 8(?) years- getting older and more bitter… Plus we don’t play the games together anymore, nor do either of us read as many comics as we did… So I’m sure we’ll have stuff in common, but will we have AS MUCH AS WE DID?
Then there’s the fact that I’ve never meet him and his brood and yet I’ll be staying with them… I try to be a good house guest but even when I sorta invited myself to Mark’s (to see Weird Al with him) I had met him before. Likewise when I met Adam, I stayed at a hotel nearby as I showed up during the week and didn’t want to impose… so I’m crossing my fingers that I don’t drive Evan or his wife INSANE while staying there… even though I’m pretty sure we’ll have a bang up time.

Anyway even though I gain time with paying my bill over the phone I still have to go. So this is it until I get back. I’m sure I’ll post at least a pic of me and Evan when I get back. ( IF he doesn’t kill me with Mr. Pointy… then HE might post the pic to pretend that I’m still alive…)

My Hell...

2007-08-14T09:11:00.000-04:00

This post is dedicated to Kenny Boy.

Ken got his third strike yesterday for threatening to look at my personal information. This is not to say that he hasn’t done more then THREE things to piss me off- merely that he’s done one thing 3 times- saying that he can get information on me by looking at MY personal file.
I decided that even though I felt my manager would do NOTHING to Kenny, and I still think he won’t, I realized that I had to ‘respect’ the chain of command and I couldn’t go to the district manager without first talking to the store manager. And yes, when I spoke to the store manager- I told him that if Ken keeps this up I will go to the district manager. This was the first point that I got pissed at my manager- see while he said he was ‘glad’ I came to him… he pointed out that my ‘next step’ would be to go to HR… I thought of going to the district manager, because as far as I’m concerned- the manager and Kenny Boy shouldn’t be working with each other, as they are friends and the manager is likely to overlook Kenny’s shortcomings.

I started by telling the manager that the Employee Handbook, which was recently updated and given to us, talked about abusing personal information… and I asked him if Kenny Boy truly had access to MY file. He said No, Ken did not… Then he asked me if perhaps Ken was joking around by saying that he could look in my file. I pointed out that Kenny might have been joking but I didn’t find it funny. I then told him that on Monday, I was talking to another assistant manager- just shooting the breeze and the other ass’t manager LM when asked by Ken what we were talking about; and Lm didn’t seem to want to tell Ken so instead mentioned that he, Lm, was getting my phone number… And Ken pointed out that he could look in my personal file and get it for Lm.
My manager then pointed out that as a manager type, Ken does indeed have access to my number.

I then mentioned the first time Ken pulled this crap. He asked me where I lived, saying he didn’t know where I lived- and I told him, good- I don’t want you to know where I live. Ken’s counter, was to point out that he could check my personal file if he wanted. My manager responded to this by pointing out that Ken does indeed have access to this information. See we get our paychecks sent to the store- but as with most places of businesses( or at least the places I’ve worked) our paychecks are in envelops with our addresses on them( in case they have to actually be mailed to us). So my manager told me that Ken without access to my personal file still has access to my address. Way to make me feel at ease. I tried to counter by asking does that mean if I was given another co-worker’s check to give to them- does that give me the right to write down their address ? He tried to deflect, but failed, by simply pointing out that I should not be giving out anyone else’s check because I don’t have clearance; which I thought did nothing to make me comfortable…

So I told him of the time I was logging onto the system… and Ken was watching me a little too closely for my tastes. I told him I didn’t want him to see my passcode. He then mentioned he knew it was the last 4 digits of my social security, and he could find those out by looking in my personal file.

My manager ended by pointing out that he’s known Ken for ages, and that HE trusts Ken… oh and of course if I KNEW Ken, I’d trust him too. I ended by pointing out that of two previous assistant managers- La and S have contact information for me NOT because they looked at my information- but because I trusted them with this information. And I do NOT trust Ken.

I also was pissed because Ken pointed out what a good worker I was. We are right now tasked with the duty of asking everyone who spends $25 if they want to spend another $15 to get a museum tote bag. He showed me that since we started selling the bag- I’ve sold EXACTLY 100 bags, and oh he mentioned me in a note to other stores that I continue to sell the MOST of the bags. I did the math- we had sold about 578 of the bags, so I divided 100 by 578 and then moved the decimal place- so I could figure out what percentage of the bags sold by our store- I have sold. I tell you how I did my math in case I didn’t do it right- IF I did it right, then I’ve sold about 17% of that darn bag.
What have been the benefits of selling 100 bags to me- NONE. Though I have been told that a) the manager has received a raise and b) Kenny got a bonus for the STORE selling so many bags. Oh and I’ve been told that if I sell a bunch more… MAYBE the store will get a pizza party. So if I sell another 40 I’ll get a couple of slices of pizza; as will Kenny and someone who’s sold maybe 5 bags in the time it’s taken me to sell 100.

I’m 40 and I’m working retail. Yes, there is a Hell and I’m in it.

[Oh and yesterday a co-worker thought I looked like I wanted to kill someone AND she correctly guessed who I wanted to kill.]

A Newish Meme

2007-08-13T22:09:00.000-04:00

Not quite the 'interview meme' but close enough to make ME a happy camper.

From HippyBongStocking

1. Leave me a casual comment of no particular significance, like a lyric to your current favorite song, or your favorite kind of sandwich, maybe your favorite game. Any remark, meaningless or not.
2. I will respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. Update your LJ( or blogger as the case may be) with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in your own post.
5. When others respond with a desultory comment, you will ask them five questions.

1.Weren't you supposed to come visit the Great White North? What happened to that?
To be nice, Kel’s ‘situation’ changed. As far as ‘Kel’s timeline’ I was suppose to come up for the long Victoria’s weekend. However that didn’t seem to be good for Kel and he’s never told me that his situation has improved enough to the point where he could go out partying for a night or two. When I’m told things are good for Kel (and you and Adj.) I’ll start renegotiating times to come up.

2. If you could change one thing (or several related things) about the way retail happens, what would they be and why?
Glad I re-read things, as I first got hung up on ONE thing and thought it was ONLY one thing, but you did give me a cookie with ‘related things’- so while I have two problem sets- and the unfairness of the U.S. business system, I can at least choose between the two.
First though when I say the unfairness of the U.S. business system- I mean for someone in a company to make a million dollars, it means a lot more people get paid minimum wages… This is one of the (many) reasons I would never vote for a ‘CEO’ president like Mitt- because they squeeze every drop of blood from the little guy for profit.
That said I think the thing as both consumer and worker that I’d want to change is Name Capture. I’m not sure if this evil, vile practice has made it up to Canada; but when I buy stuff from several big chains- they ask me for my zip code/name and then proceed to try and sign me up for their mailing list. Now I really don’t like this- but at the same time I KNOW, from my one job that did this, that many of these workers are judged by this. Whenever someone in retail asks you to ‘add on’ a product or join a mailing list- odds are this is part of their ‘job performance’. Heck I remember at Staples I went to a copy center ‘training meeting’ and it was NOT about how to use the machines properly but how to UPSELL.
So to get back on track- I feel bad sometimes when someone asks me for information because I know they’re gonna get judged for this, but at the same time it pisses me off when I go to Radio Shack to buy some batteries and they want to sign me up. So I’d get rid of ‘name captures’. Make it illegal or something. I’d also like to get rid of quotas in general ( you have to sell x amount of y each shift)… but that’s prolly UNAMERICAN and wouldn’t fly… so just get rid of name capture; that way the workers won’t be judged so much on how much junk mail the consumer wants.

3. If you could start your own political party, what would it be called?
Ok… Odd but interesting. My first thought was ITMFA- however that would be a bit passé after 2008 (plus I don’t want anyone getting any ideas after I get voted in)… Likewise there is already a socialist party here in the U.S.( prolly in Canada as well) so I’m going to go with Super Cool Party. Who wouldn’t want to be a member of the Super Cool Party?
Then too it would be fun to point out on other shows that Bill O’Riellly and the rest of Fox News are ANTI Super Cool. Because I know they are.

4. How's it going?
Not well. While I’ve got a learner’s permit, I’ve done NOTHING with it.
My job sucks- and yet instead of spend most of my free time looking for a better job… I spend it playing video games and reading.
I sometimes feel I’m in a hell of my own creation-
And other times, a hell made by the GOP. I wasn’t all that politically inclined until the 2000 election. I KNEW somewhere deep down that W. would be bad for me and the U.S. but I had NO idea.
Oh and I plan to post about Kenny Boy tomorrow. Suffice it to say, I squealed to my manager about some of Ken’s behavior BUT because Ken is friends with the manager- I don’t expect anything to happen.

5. If you could live anywhere, where would you most want to live?
Right now it would be Amsterdam. I really loved it when I was there but then again a) I was on vacation, b) the weather was faboo- well save for it not getting dark until about 10pm, but that was still sort of nice and c) I got altered there more then I had been in my ENTIRE life( usually I avoid that stuff).
I also have to say- getting tired of the American One party system- republicans and the wusses who can’t stand up to the republicans.
That said- a) If one of you were to find me a job in TO- I’d try to move there ASAP. I mean I feel I’d have like a weird instant geek support team. And B) I know Evan is going to next week try to make Chico look like the place to move- but it’s still in the U.S….

Words Fail Me...

2007-08-08T09:18:00.000-04:00

I'm not really sure what to say about this image:

I know I had to share it. I know I should comment on it, but really- what can I say?

I guess I'll start by pointing out that Ok has plates for the Victims and Survivors of the Murrah Building, which was a TERRORIST attack in OK.
I emphisize victims and survivors because, well that's who it's for.
So already we start having a double standard, because OK came out with a plate for THEIR attack, but only allowed people who were victims or survivors get them... so already a 'double' standard- as ANYONE can get their '9/11' plate- with the TWIN TOWERS.
Oh- that's another double standard- notice how the place for the OKC terrorist attack doesn't HAVE the Murrah Building on it.

The OKC plate also doesn't have AN EAGLE or other symbol of AMERICA... I guess that's because the terrorist was... well... an American.

Then there's the price difference. For a nominal fee( besides being a victim/survivor of OKC) you can get THEIR plate- but for the GWOT- or as I like to call it- TWAT( The War Against Terrorism)- costs $37. No word on if any of that $20 or so goes to "the Jersey Girls" or to otherwise help fund TWAT.

I guess what really pisses me off- is I see this as a jingoistic and warmongering AND I feel that most of the people who died on that fateful day wouldn't be given the time of day in OK on Sept. 9th.
Would they call these people, many of whom were immigrants, AMERICANS if they had not died on that day of dates? Or would the people of OK, tell them to LEARN ENGLISH and to STOP TAKING JOBS AWAY FROM REAL AMERICANS?

I'm just made angry and sick about this. Oh and it prolly doesn't help that the people who buy this plate most likely drive SUVs to NASCAR and wouldn't think for a second to slow their oil consumption and think that bombing Mecca would show Osama/Saddam what for.

Again with the PG rating

2007-08-08T07:23:00.000-04:00

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality

You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more atheist than religious, more dependent than loner, more lazy than workaholic, more rebel than traditional, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are intellectual (70%), adventurous (69%), innovative (64%).

Stereotypes
Hippie	53%
Old Geezer	50%
Geek	47%

Life Experience
Sex	27%
Substances	32%
Travel	38%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Socialist, whom you agree with around 100% of the time.

Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Lower Middle Class. You make more than 56% of those who have taken this test, and 54% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13.
By the way, your hottness rank is 64%, hotter than 64% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
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Californication...

2007-08-07T21:47:00.000-04:00

Many thoughts going through my mind...
I got really stressed this AM, and ended up going to two movies to unwind...
(Harry 5 and Hairspray- liked both).

BUT want to mention TO ALL that I got my tickets.

I'm going to see my niece in her 'natural surroundings' of San Fran AND Chico, Ca to see EVAN in like only TWO weeks.

Oh man.

On the one hand, I was stressing a bit because it ended up costing a bit more then I had originally priced it.... but on the other hand, I'm going to see Evan and all of his brood- in THEIR natural surroundings as well- Casa Peterson.
[ Also stressed because this weekend is a 'tax free holiday' in Ma. but was worrying if I can afford to take advantage of it due to trip]

That's it for now. I have a hate filled blog on deck for tomorrow, but wanted to post something GOOD here. And I think me spending a weekend with Evan is a good thing.

Even better- I let slip out to my mum that I was spending equal time with 'my friend' as with my bro... and she did NOT get upset for not spending more time with my bro, nor( rolls eyes) did she warn me that Evan could be an axe murderer.
Which I'm glad because it's pretty hard to prove that negative.
;-)

Hung Over

2007-08-02T09:06:00.000-04:00

Ok, I drank badly last night. I broke the two golden rules of drinking (actually four). The first is the fact that I didn’t eat first. One should NOT eat on an empty stomach. That helped me get messed up faster. The other thing that helped me get messed up was one should always drink water with booze. Since we were drinking at a crappy ‘gaming’ place (had video games and pool) and NO ONE ELSE was asking for water, I stupidly didn’t get water into me…. So currently up early drinking water and dealing with heat.
The other two mistakes I made while not ‘golden’ rules were still bad- drinking with a guy I don’t like. I went drinking with my manager because the two of us were invited to go drinking by two ex co workers- S and Sa. I wanted to see S and Sa and so I was willing to put up with my manager. That said I was snarky and EVERY chance I got to speak to S alone I let her know how much I hate Kenny Boy- never mind that she and Sa left before Kenny Boy (as they saw Mike creating his ‘old boy’ network and left before things went to pot.
The forth mistake was- I’m stupid. When I went to my mom’s, I tried to make sure that I double and triple checked things before leaving… And I still managed to leave my toiletry (kit) at her place. So when I got back on Saturday, I had to re-buy a razor, ear drops and a toothbrush. What I apparently FORGOT to buy, and didn’t realize it until last night was Advil… Actually that might be breaking the 3rd golden rule of drinking- taking some aspirin BEFORE bed. I feel like crap and feel like blogging about it- so if I go drinking with Evan( as I hope to even though I’m a ‘cheap date’) I’ll remember to drink my damn water even if I look like a wuss. I’d rather NOT have hangovers.

Oh I also wanted to mention- I geeked out a bit with S. Apparently AFTER she left, she admitted to me that she reads comics. When she revealed this I wanted to slap her around a bit- as there are SOOO many comics that I would’ve lent her. I fear she has bad taste, as she mentioned enjoying House of M- which I felt sucked. She tells me she likes Gaiman. I told her I found it ‘amusing’ that we have a guy at work whom considers himself goth and hasn’t read Sandman… I then tell her the ‘holy grail’ that she should look for- Miracleman, by Moore and Gaiman. I figured if she liked Gaiman this would be a way to get her into Moore… And yes I did tell her about Watchman.
I however have low expectations for her, as again she liked HoM and b… she dissed Kirby. She mentioned how she liked FF2, and I told her I didn’t see it. She asked if I was waiting for video… And I had to let her know that I wasn’t watching it because there was NO Pimp Hat Galactus. She shook her head and tried to explain to me how awful the hat looks. And I left it by point out the hat was Kirby!
I prolly should mention at this point that AT BEST I consider Stan a hack standing on the shoulders of his betters- and one of his betters is Jack King Kirby.
And at this point I should mention that the only way I’m going to see the Watchman movie is if Moore himself says it’s good and invites me to England to see it with him. I say this because a) the vomit that was League of Extradoinary Gentlemen and b) I’ve seen some of the casting. Nightowl should be a doughy fanboy… not a ‘pretty boy’.

Lastly- I found it odd that after spending a good portion of Tuesday and Wednesday either cleaning up or putting off cleaning up to get the couch I found on Monday… I can’t get the couch into my apartment. At about lunch time I decided to go to the game store and measure the couch- I had measured the length of the spot I wanted but while I was at the game store I realized I needed to measure width- as I had to make sure it would fit INTO my apartment. And boy am I glad I checked as it was about 35 inches ( on the generous ‘small’ side), my elevator was about 27- so it would’ve had to come up the stairs and my doorways are about 30 inches( being generous on the ‘wide’ size). And as said since I was being generous with both measurings, I realized that the couch really wouldn’t be able to get in. I don’t know why I wasn’t madder at this. I guess because even though I had thrown out two bags of trash AND was boxing stuff up to clean it… I wasn’t all that close to clean.

Oh and since I was up ‘too damn early’ I ended up seeing the end of the Burn Notice premiere. I liked it. I have a couple of other episodes on tape so I can ‘catch up’ (think I’m missing like one…) and I plan to watch/tape tonight’s episode. Yes, it was recommended to me because of The Bruce- and he does steal the scenes he’s in… but it seems a pretty good show, which is a rare thing in this day and age.

In the dumps

2007-07-31T16:08:00.000-04:00

Ok, not sure how everything ties together but right now feel like doing one info dump instead of 2 or 3 blog posts as this might deserve.
I’m going to start with the fact that I seem to have a HUGE foot in mouth problem. In two different conversations with my brother on two different days- I referred to his Girlfriend (whom is mother to his kid) as “your wife”. Now I could care a flying f if they are married- but I do care that I keep messing up like this. I think both times it was because for some reason I was blanking on her name. I find it esp. annoying as I have a friend who’s been living with his gf for over a decade and I still call HER his girlfriend or by name. I’m at a loss as to why I’m doing it- I’m just afraid the more I worry about the more likely I am to repeat this problem.

The next thing I want to mention goes to a post that Evan did a while ago (his great 8) where he pointed out that ALL parents of multiple kids have favorites. His admission irked me a tad… because as I pointed out in MY great 8, I wasn’t the favored of either of my parents. I’m not posting this to pick on Evan; as I’d prefer him to be honest to editing himself… I just want him to know that his post had me have a talk with my brother in law. See I went to Conn. to visit my brother, sister and their kids (her two boys and my bro’s daughter). While in a bar, I decided that I had ‘separated from the heard’ my brother in law and decided to ask him how HE felt about the idea of having a favorite. I made sure to present it not as a value judgment (how DARE you like x over y) but just as curiosity- both to re-test Evan’s theory and to see how ‘honest’ bro in law was…. He admitted that the elder boy was his favorite… and ended up explaining it as the reason why I consider his eldest to be my favorite of the nephews and niece… His eldest son is 4 and as such has a personality and you’re able to DO STUFF with him. Of the three, I looked forward to seeing the eldest son; because I’d be able to play with him… while with my niece- all I could do was bask in the beauty that was the baby girl (though she was darn cute).
And I will admit that I was VERY happy that when I gave my 4 year old nephew the Flash super friend and he said he KNEW who the Flash was… I was very proud and happy. His father then told me that the kid might be confusing the Flash for someone else but that was ok… because I gave my nephew a comic book toy and he liked it. Of course the Flash was out shown by a pen that made squiggles and the Flying Monkey I got him… But Me, my brother and my nephew’s dad all had fun trying to get my nephew to be able to use the Flying Monkey so it was all good.
I also want to be honest and tell you that even before Evan posted his great 8, I ended up asking my mom if she would love my step sister’s sons as much as she’d love my brother’s daughter. I felt ashamed to ask, but I felt that I wanted to as my brother was Her favorite and I noticed that my step sister’s 4 year old calls my mom by her name and not a nick name of affection… I was less ashamed when without missing a beat she confirmed that OF COURSE my brother’s kid would be her favorite.
And again to be honest- right now the 4 year old is in the lead for MY affection. Not sure what I’m going to do with a girl child… esp. as I’ve pointed out to Evan, there are FAR too few Batgirl and Supergirl figures. Heck, I wasn’t sure if I was being sexist because I got a BatGIRL trade for my brother’s gf’s 10 and 9 year old girls. I’ve been wanting to get them female friendly comics… so thus far they’ve gotten Bone, the Huntress trade( one of my fave super gals) and the aforementioned Batgirl.
I really did enjoy my time in Conn. with my family and while I think I have squandered my brother’s goodwill by calling his GF his WIFE (twice now)… I did earn a bit of goodwill by my sad habit now of being up too darn early. I got in on Thursday and spent that night in the shed (with an air mattress) so I wouldn’t be kept up by screaming baby… though we have been told that she sleeps through the night already. So I get out of bed around 7am, sure that niece and her parents are up… And lo and behold my brother and his GF are still asleep and the kid looks like she’s waking up. I then find the bottle and start feeding her and generally try to keep her amused and on the quiet side. I was very happy- though a bit worried as I was a tad concerned that I’d do something she didn’t like and bro and GF would wake up to Uncle Drew manhandling their daughter. However when they woke up, she was happily playing on her play mat… well more like lying on the mat and kicking a rattle device, as at about 2 months old she can’t do more then flail about… happily. Bro and GF, and my mom, were impressed and pointed out that I had properly fulfilled my Uncly duties by feeding and amusing my niece for a ½ hour or so, so that the ‘rents could get more sleep.

One of the other things we discussed- or they TRIED to discuss with me is Harry Potter. They noticed that I was reading Harry and wanted to know how it ended. I didn’t finish Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – which is book #22, until Saturday… at work with people bugging me on my break. It was sort of aggravating for them to SEE that I was reading the book but still ask me how it ended.
Though once I got to the end- I liked it. I was a bit worried because when I first read 1-4 (in the space of a week before 5 came out), I was a bit peeved that she was SOO formulaic in all of her books. However that said, 5 which did go against her formula was my LEAST favorite book so I was worried as I knew that 7 would HAVE to go against the usual formula( heck there wasn’t even a quiditch match in the book); but again I rather liked 7.
Don’t really plan to say more about Harry as I know Evan has just started- though I was amused that a friend’s mom, whom apparently is reading Night Watch on MY recommendation has decided that she hated the 6th book so much that she doesn’t plan on finishing the series… I thought that was strange as after a certain point I figure you’ve invested sooo much time in the series- you might as well see it to the end.

Right now I’m pretty depressed and tired and just out of sorts. Spent way too much time NOT cleaning my apartment. Basically on my way to work yesterday I found a couch in GREAT condition- though wet as it rained buckets Monday early AM. I brought the couch to the game store and am TRYING to clean up my apartment to make it fit. Not sure if I’ll be able to do it before the weekend. On the one hand I want to, but on the other hand I’m stressing because I’m a pig and I should be using this time for other stuff- like looking for a REAL job. Oh and not happy I just found out my rent is going to go up ANOTHER $50.
I feel if I kept my place clean this would be easy but I don’t and I don’t do ANYTHING easy…

And crap. I’m outa here. Going to clean some more and then go to the gym.

Case of the Mondays...

2007-07-25T07:12:00.000-04:00

I’m tired but feel a ‘real’ post is needed- I’m not really sure how many of my posts are actually about ME and not say my anger at the way this country is in the toilet.

My ear is clogged. Could be wax or ‘water on the ear’, either way my hearing is off. I almost got disinvited to see my nephews and niece when I told my mom it COULD be an infection… Yeah like the babies would stick their fingers in my ear. So I made sure to tell her I thought it was wax, which I do think it is… If it was an infection it would HURT. My ear doesn’t hurt, I just don’t hear a lot from it. If you are lucky enough not to have had clogged ears- it’s like when you fly and you have to get used to the cabin pressure. I in fact ‘popped’ my ears a good amount on Monday… However after my mom warned me to ‘be healthy’ when I see the kids…. I didn’t pop my ear yesterday all that much as it ends up hurting my ear… Esp. as I usually ‘pop’ it by putting my hand up to my ear, cover the ear and then pump it… which gives me good hearing for a bit.
I do think it was interesting that I usually sleep on the left side of my head- but last night it was the right- which is the ear that’s giving me trouble.

I also called this ‘case of Mondays’ not just because my mom dropped the ‘be healthy!’ card on Monday, when I felt like crap but the other reason I felt like crap is the gift store. The manager is off for a long weekend… He got vasectomy, which I approve of. However with him gone- I’ve had to deal with Kenny Boy more. And on Monday, he was in top notch form. Monday is usually a slow day so we didn’t have too many people scheduled- BUT it’s the summer, so we were open later then the winter and we ended up packed. One person didn’t show up… but as she was scheduled only for a few hours, not sure how much that affected us. We ended up with 1 or 2 associates on the floor. Two was max. I say 1 to 2 associates because the TWO assistant managers were OFTEN off the floor demoing. So they make maybe $16 an hour and they’re demoing a product that we get maybe a $5 profit on… try to figure out how many of the planes they have to sell to make it worthwhile. In your calculations, please try to include all the stuff that is NOT getting done as they demo- such as loss prevention, so add a few extra $ for the products that might walk as we don’t have anyone covering the floor; also add a few more $ as we might lose sales because we don’t have anyone HELPING customers in a timely fashion and they decide rather then bothering someone to go away. Oh, and maybe a few more $ need to be earned because the store ends up looking like a mess and is going to take a few more man hours to clean… later.
I thought the part that really burnt me was not that the assistant mangers were demoing instead of helping… OR that they won’t get in trouble as their friends with the manager BUT that they were doing it OFF THE FLOOR. Yup, they were outside the store so there were times when my line was building up or I needed help finding the right size shirt and I couldn’t see them because they were in the museum hallway demoing the boomerang.
A co-worker, sales supervisor, who I told this about yesterday… mentioned that she felt that Kenny boy did this ON PURPOSE, that he knew we were busy and thus decided to duck out, and the other assistant manager decided to join in on the fun.

Tuesday was much better. The manager in training was there, and when he heard I was grumpy, he asked if I wanted a time out- to go into the museum and relax. I might end up seeing if I can get transferred to his store… Though I doubt I can, as since the manager gave me a song and dance about ROM and how I had to speak French to work there. He MIGHT’VE told the truth there, but based on Adj’s work (checking in at the ROM) and his track record… I’m not so sure. I also don’t think he’ll let me leave as I right now we have a goal of selling a crappy add on with each sale over $25. Kenny Boy has the best stats right now( and won’t let me forget it)… but I’ve sold the MOST of them. Kenny points out that I’ve sold the most, because I ring the most… I ended up pointing out to a co-worker yesterday, who I bitched about Kenny a good amount, that a did NOT follow b. Yes, because I rang more, I might have more of a chance to add the bag- but that doesn’t mean that IF OTHERS had the same amount of chances they’d make the same amount of sales. I have a 7% success rate- which means for each of the 100 times I had a chance to add on the bag, I got 7 people to add it, on average. Now that’s on the high side… so not everyone was hitting that 7%, so therefore, ipso facto, even if they had the same AMOUNT of sales as me… they most likely wouldn’t sell the same AMOUNT of bags. My co-worker, agreed with me, that Kenny was giving me a back handed compliment and making sure he let everyone know how good his numbers are- which to me; means instead of demoing the boomerang he should be ringing to add the add on to sales.

Finally finished another book- but NOT counting it in the challenge because while a friend got it because it was a comic book mystery- A killing in Comics by Max Allan Collins, it wasn’t until I started reading it that I realized that it was one of those easy books I turn up my nose at. The margins were a little too big- esp. at the bottom of the page… Likewise it was padded with chapter stops. Each chapter started on an EVEN page with a cartoon stating the title of the chapter… and then the text of the chapter was on the odd page next to it- so each chapter wasted a page (and the book was only 257). Oh and in order to keep the chapter starts on the EVEN pages- there’d sometimes be more then a bit of empty page on the odd page before it, as I look at the book at least two pages are empty because the chapter EDDED on an even page but they wanted the next chapter to start with a picture on an even page. There were also 6 pages at the end where they reviewed the case and the suspects in a comic strip before the last chapter with the big revel. So the book doesn’t count. Which is a shame because it the suspects of the people who might’ve killed the publisher of Wonder Guy- a take off of Supes, included take offs of Bill Finger( un named co-creator of most of the Batman Mythos), Bob Kane, and of course Siegel and Shuster- for being ripped off of the rights of Wonder Guy/Superman. Heck it was funny as the story does go into the rights of Wonder Boy, as the rights of Superboy is still being played out.
Now reading, and will count it, the LAST Harry Potter novel- for now. I feel Harry might end up being as hard to end as Holmes.

Under rated

2007-07-23T20:18:00.000-04:00

Briefly checked in on Aimee's site and saw her rating... and decided to get mine.

Rather sad at how 'friendly' my blog is....

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I got pg for using the word death 3x( now will be 4) and pissed once( now twice).

I do know that I occasionally edit my language and put * in places for swear words... but *shrug*
Well I guess since I'm the type of guy who edits my language even when I don't HAVE to- I'm PG.

However even though my blog is PG it is a WANTED blog

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Watching the Watches...

2007-07-22T10:32:00.000-04:00

I just finished the ‘Watch’ series; Night Watch, Day Watch, and Twilight Watch. This is going to be a very hard review as a) they are a trilogy and I try my darndest when review series books not to reveal TOO much and b) there are two movies based on one of the books.
I say b) because BOTH movies- Night Watch and Day Watch were both ‘based’ rather loosely on the Night Watch BOOK. Each Watch book has 3 stories and the movies sort of mashed up the stories in Night Watch. I say mashed up because there were definitely key elements that were changed. I am OF COURSE not going to mention that x was done differently in the book… because again I don’t want to spoil anything.

That said what the movies and books have in common is that they are about Magicians, Enchantresses, Vampires and other magical things that take place in Modern Day Moscow. The Magic Users are called Others and for the most part are able to see different levels of reality- they call it Twilight. In the books there are in fact multiple levels of the Twilight, though I’m not sure if in the movies there were more then one…
The two sides- Good (Night Watch) and Evil (Day Watch) have basically signed a peace treaty and the Watches exist to keep the peace. Vampires have to ask the Night Watch for ‘hunting’ licenses and if a Magician does ‘too much’ good, s/he is brought in by the Day Watch- who either punish the good person or negotiates a chance to do an equal amount of ‘evil’ magic. So the good guys patrol the Night to make sure that the things that go bump in the night behaves; and the bad guys patrol the Day to make sure the good guys aren’t TOO nice.
In the books, we also have the Inquisition aka Twilight Watch. THEY are the people who watch the Watchmen. It’s the Inquisition’s job to make sure that the good guys don’t ‘get away’ with anything behind the bad guy’s backs. The Inquisition’s ranks we’re told is drawn mainly from the Watches, while Day Watch and Night Watch draw their ranks from similarly minded others.
Each book is divided into 3 smaller ‘books’ (as they call it) or stories. Night Watch and Twilight Watch are for the most part told first person by Anton- a member of the Night Watch and our ‘hero’. In Day Watch we get two members of the Day Watch to tell their stories and the third story there is told 3rd person and balances the action between a member of the Day Watch and his opposite number in the Night Watch.

I think that’s all I can really say- save for the fact that I really liked the books and would highly recommend them. And, because they are translated from Russian, I’m not sure who to credit the good writing to- the original writer who came up with these wonderful stories or the translator who made it possible for me to read it in English and kept the story flowing. I figure both ‘writers’ deserve credit… As of course whoever wrote the screen play… as I also recommend the Night Watch and Day Watch movies.

Oh and for ‘official’ score- that’s books 19, 20 and 21.

My Thought Process

2007-07-17T07:54:00.000-04:00

I want to blog a bit about what happened yesterday morning to me because I think it shows a bit about how I (don’t) think.

For ‘some’ reason yesterday morning I went to HCrealms. I think it was to find out how the tournaments went this weekend. So I go there and it mentions that the KC figures are now ‘retired’ so I turn in my chair from my computer to my bookshelves( and I NEED another one…) and I look at my bookshelf to look at MY KC Flash (aka the Jolly Rancher figures) and I notice that he’s not there!
My first reaction is PANIC! OMG! Why ISN’T he there? I think of emailing Evan to let him know about this… but then I start thinking. I first check where my Hypertime figures are. I have NEVER put my Hypertime figures away and they are on my middle bookshelf… while the KC Flash should’ve been on one of the outer bookshelves, I figure since he’s not there he might be with the other shelved figures, but he’s not. Then I check my bagged Uniques… and realize I don’t know which set he’s from… So I go back to HCrealms, find out he’s from legacy and look at THAT bag. Not there. I then come back to my computer- write an angry letter to Evan… explaining to him that I’m SURE that the KC Flash is on the floor in front of my bookcases… under the mess there- and I’m SURE I’m going to step on it while cleaning. I then cancel this and start cleaning around the bookcase where he should’ve been on. I start cleaning from the OUTSIDE IN, as that way I have less chance of stepping on the figure. I do find some books on the floor to support my theory of the figure falling BUT then I remember I put my Flash Family figures in a special place- the custom painted Reverse Flashes from Hypertime, the custom painted Jesse (before she, like RF, got an actual figures), a custom Impulse and the LE of Jesse…Along with a couple of other Flash Unique figures. I go to that collection… I find the HYPERTIME GA Flash, and I’m like ‘wow- I didn’t even notice he wasn’t with the other Hypertime Uniques’. And sure enough KC Flash is with the rest of the Flash Family.

I relaxed and unclenched, esp. as I was able to do ALL the above stressing and resolution BEFORE going to work- and I was even able to get to work early( as planned.)
And on my way to work- I started thinking… I should blog about this, as this shows my thought process. Finding a problem, stressing about the problem, thinking about writing to Evan to blow off steam, trying to solve the problem, stressing when the first solution doesn’t work, think about emailing Evan again, clean up a bit( creating a mess elsewhere), solving the problem and then thinking about blogging about all of the above.