Holiday Blues

So I was talking to two people today( my step sister and a good friend) and I mentioned upcoming New Year’s ‘celebration’ and I thought it was funny how I had to explain to both that I was talking about the JEWISH new year aka Rosh Hashanah

I don’t like most holidays because they deal with the passage of time and my family. I don’t like either. I might’ve mentioned hear that my dad has a morbid streak, and because of that I see many holidays- especially both New Years( and birthdays) as markers on the road of life. Markers reminding me of what I haven’t accomplished in my life.
Depressing stuff.
I also find my family depressing. My mom 90% of the time seems to have a need to remind me that I’m overweight. Like I’ve told my friends while at the time I find it annoying as all heck, after I’ve sometimes found it amusing… That she feels a need to remind me that I’m fat, as if I’ve forgotten since the last time we talked that she thinks I’m fat.

She also thinks I should go to a shrink because I get depressed often these days. I know my older brother is on drugs. I’ve tried to explain to her, my depression is not from chemical imbalance BUT due to not having an f’ing job and having her and my dad constantly complaining about my weight. I figure money to a shrink would be better spent joining a gym and paying my bills, especially as my father has offered to foot ½ the bill for a gym.
So she’s sending me a check for the gym. She’s still gonna get on my case for a shrink.
Which vexes and depresses me.

See I tell her too many times that I’m depressed because a) I find this stupid job search depressing and b) I find talking to her about my life even more depressing then actually living my life.
However I think that if I actually lose a couple of pounds and ACCOMPLISH something this ‘Gregorian’ year, I’ll feel better… the Jewish New Year starts next Tuesday so I doubt I’ll have a job or lose any weight or accomplish anything other then another level in a video game.