Jealousy
I realize I am a somewhat jealous person. I don’t mean to be and of my many failings I find it the most annoying. Like several other emotional problems I have, I blame my parents.
Wait here me out.
I blame my parents because I know that I am NEITHER one of their favorites. I find it one of those sad ironic things that in a conversation with my dad- when he was trying to ‘cheer me up’ or some such… he pointed out that he knew that my older brother was my mom’s favorite. The gist of this conversation was that IF he had been able to fight for custody, as back in the 70’s women almost automatically got custody of kids, he’d have let her take my older bro and he (and his second wife) would’ve taken me. This conversation has always stayed with me as I thought it was really about him seeking absolution for him leaving my mom, then really about me esp. as it took place shortly after he was thrown out by his second wife( though last I heard it from him, he left her). I had had proof from him before this that my younger brother was his favored. I think I’ve mentioned it here but a) part of my father’s second wife’s obsessive compulsiveness meant that we opened x-mas presents one at a time… which means me and my older brother could always see how many more presents our ½ brother was getting. And as I also might’ve mentioned here( but mention to others often) one year my father forgot my birthday and then had the gall to remind me to call my younger brother for HIS birthday, nevermind the fact that I also never hear from my younger bro on my b’day.
So I blame my upbringing for the fact that every so often the green eyed monster rears it’s ugly head. That might be wrong and letting myself slide but there it is, when a co worker gets complimented, I sometimes wonder why it’s not ME who’s getting the compliment.
I say this because two of my ass’t managers were gabbing about how good certain people were for staying late this past week. It bothered me that neither mentioned me and that they mentioned one of the two people who cheesed me off in my last post. I don’t like this girl. They went on to mention how she stayed until 8pm yesterday… and I wanted to say that she stayed that late because she wanted to soak up hours. That she didn’t really do anything and that I had stayed until 11pm on Thursday to help the manager clean up. They went on to mention how the manager on duty hadn’t even known she was there. And I almost had to bite my tongue to keep myself from mentioning that perhaps the ass’t manager wasn’t told because this worker didn’t want the manager to decide to send her home.
So as said, I first felt slighted that these two assistant managers didn’t realize MY hard work…. Then I remembered that I didn’t really like either one.
While I’m jealous and want my managers to notice my good work- I realized that basically I dislike my job and so long as the scheduling assistant manager keeps giving me a good amount of hours, I’ll be happy. I’d like to think that the head manager( who I like) appreciated my staying late both on Thursday and the night before the fire inspection( when I was the only one there with him). Likewise I’d like the 3rd assistant manager to like me, because while I think she’s ditzy I do find her amusing….
So in conclusion- I’m jealous. I like people to like me, even if I don’t like them but I do try to let things go, as I want to end the day with as little stress as possible… Even if that means as I said in my last blog- letting out a yell or a rant here and there.
Wait here me out.
I blame my parents because I know that I am NEITHER one of their favorites. I find it one of those sad ironic things that in a conversation with my dad- when he was trying to ‘cheer me up’ or some such… he pointed out that he knew that my older brother was my mom’s favorite. The gist of this conversation was that IF he had been able to fight for custody, as back in the 70’s women almost automatically got custody of kids, he’d have let her take my older bro and he (and his second wife) would’ve taken me. This conversation has always stayed with me as I thought it was really about him seeking absolution for him leaving my mom, then really about me esp. as it took place shortly after he was thrown out by his second wife( though last I heard it from him, he left her). I had had proof from him before this that my younger brother was his favored. I think I’ve mentioned it here but a) part of my father’s second wife’s obsessive compulsiveness meant that we opened x-mas presents one at a time… which means me and my older brother could always see how many more presents our ½ brother was getting. And as I also might’ve mentioned here( but mention to others often) one year my father forgot my birthday and then had the gall to remind me to call my younger brother for HIS birthday, nevermind the fact that I also never hear from my younger bro on my b’day.
So I blame my upbringing for the fact that every so often the green eyed monster rears it’s ugly head. That might be wrong and letting myself slide but there it is, when a co worker gets complimented, I sometimes wonder why it’s not ME who’s getting the compliment.
I say this because two of my ass’t managers were gabbing about how good certain people were for staying late this past week. It bothered me that neither mentioned me and that they mentioned one of the two people who cheesed me off in my last post. I don’t like this girl. They went on to mention how she stayed until 8pm yesterday… and I wanted to say that she stayed that late because she wanted to soak up hours. That she didn’t really do anything and that I had stayed until 11pm on Thursday to help the manager clean up. They went on to mention how the manager on duty hadn’t even known she was there. And I almost had to bite my tongue to keep myself from mentioning that perhaps the ass’t manager wasn’t told because this worker didn’t want the manager to decide to send her home.
So as said, I first felt slighted that these two assistant managers didn’t realize MY hard work…. Then I remembered that I didn’t really like either one.
While I’m jealous and want my managers to notice my good work- I realized that basically I dislike my job and so long as the scheduling assistant manager keeps giving me a good amount of hours, I’ll be happy. I’d like to think that the head manager( who I like) appreciated my staying late both on Thursday and the night before the fire inspection( when I was the only one there with him). Likewise I’d like the 3rd assistant manager to like me, because while I think she’s ditzy I do find her amusing….
So in conclusion- I’m jealous. I like people to like me, even if I don’t like them but I do try to let things go, as I want to end the day with as little stress as possible… Even if that means as I said in my last blog- letting out a yell or a rant here and there.
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