Lucky?

Not sure where my brain is the past few days. I’ve just been sort of moody and out of sorts…
And tired. I have problems sleeping when I’m out of sorts… So I’ve been having problems sleeping which muck up my energy levels for the day, which gets into a vicious cycle- of not sleeping due to being anxious, then not doing enough during the day because I’m tired, which leads to not sleeping well because I didn’t do enough during the day and still feel anxious.
I did however start today’s blog by trying to say in a non sarcastic way that I feel lucky. I have been told by my father and my older brother that I am a lucky person- and for the most part I have ignored them. I mean I look at the neo cons who’s shit don’t stick to them( like Rush getting a light sentence for drug use and then calling for all POOR drug users to be locked up for life), and the fact that Coultergist can buy a house costing over a million dollars- which she got with hate speech and I don’t feel all that lucky.

However, as I’ve quit my second job in a decade- the first being Staples in 2004… I guess I am lucky. While I’m worried about where my life is going and what my next job will be- and what exactly in my apartment is a) junk that just needs to get thrown away vs. b) junk that I could get a few dollars on ebay for vs. c) junk I want to keep…. I am lucky because right now I’m not worried about living out on the street. Yes- I have mixed feeling about getting on a train today and seeing my mom today, and my dad and his wife tomorrow… But I get on the train knowing that I have rent covered for next month and not TOO worried about paying my rent for the next month or two. And I realize that I’m not worried as much about money as I should be because I have some. And I also know that my father will be giving me money for the holidays and my mother has said she’ll help me.
So while I fear for my sanity with my family- I know in some way they sorta mean well and are being financially supportive- which is why I feel lucky… Because I was able to leave the job at the electronics store and NOT worry as much as I would if my family wasn’t helping me pay my bills.