Cancelled Christmas
I don’t know if I just did the right thing… but I did something bold a few minutes ago.
I emailed my dad and told him I wasn’t coming to his place for Christmas. I’m going to have to call my step-sister and figure out logistics… and I’ve called my half brother to let him know… and expect an earful from him… but I really can’t deal with my dad
Or I should say- I don’t WANT to deal with my dad anymore.
I had a bad day and I feel UTTERLY used by my dad- and I don’t think that’s a “normal” relationship.
Here’s what happened in a nutshell:
My father’s current wife is an author- she had an “event” about a 20 min. drive from Boston. My father odds are knew about this event several days in advance but called ME at about 10 am. He told me that it was COLD outside. That he was about a 20 min drive from Boston- and he’d like to drive in with the DOG- because he brought the dog to the event… and see me for lunch, while Rosemary did this event. The dog was emphasized in my father’s call because it was COLD and he wanted to keep the dog warm. He felt rather then just leave the dog in the car- he’d DRIVE the car to me, we’d leave the dog in the warm car, and then take the dog for a walk.
Oddly before I called back- I was downstairs doing laundry when he called- and then was locked out of my apartment… I called work to see if my dad had called there… He had… so I called my dad and against my better judgment I agreed.
This was about noon… he then called me at about 1 pm. Said that the lunch was a go and would call me when he got to my street. When he got to my street- I went down to meet him…
He then “suggested” that instead of going to the park- again a block away from me… or any of the good restaurants near me… that we would drive BACK to the town where his wife was doing the event… have lunch there- and then take the dog for a walk.
I, being the twit that I am, agreed…
The highlight, to me, was the fact that he had a gps that ‘gave’ him directions- and he occasionally swore at it- as the directions sometimes seemed to leave a little to be desired.
When we got to the town- he sighted a Mexican place- and I suggested we go there. I made this suggestion because a) I like Mexican and b) I wanted to have a LITTLE input.
So we ate at the Mexican place… and towards the end of the meal- he gets a call from his wife… SO we jump back into the car and he drives me back to Boston…. Because ya know- his wife needed him
And I just feel USED that the only reason my dad had lunch with me was that his wife was too busy.
And because of that- I have decided… I’m not going to go to his house for Christmas. Maybe this is because I had a crappy night’s sleep last night… and I expect a worse one tonight--- BUT I think it’s because I’ve had enough of my dad and being second fiddle to the women he’s married to.
I didn’t tell my dad this face to face- because I’m a wuss… I just emailed my dad… And I called my younger brother telling him I’d like to see him( my brother) some OTHER time while he’s on the East Coast.
I emailed my dad and told him I wasn’t coming to his place for Christmas. I’m going to have to call my step-sister and figure out logistics… and I’ve called my half brother to let him know… and expect an earful from him… but I really can’t deal with my dad
Or I should say- I don’t WANT to deal with my dad anymore.
I had a bad day and I feel UTTERLY used by my dad- and I don’t think that’s a “normal” relationship.
Here’s what happened in a nutshell:
My father’s current wife is an author- she had an “event” about a 20 min. drive from Boston. My father odds are knew about this event several days in advance but called ME at about 10 am. He told me that it was COLD outside. That he was about a 20 min drive from Boston- and he’d like to drive in with the DOG- because he brought the dog to the event… and see me for lunch, while Rosemary did this event. The dog was emphasized in my father’s call because it was COLD and he wanted to keep the dog warm. He felt rather then just leave the dog in the car- he’d DRIVE the car to me, we’d leave the dog in the warm car, and then take the dog for a walk.
Oddly before I called back- I was downstairs doing laundry when he called- and then was locked out of my apartment… I called work to see if my dad had called there… He had… so I called my dad and against my better judgment I agreed.
This was about noon… he then called me at about 1 pm. Said that the lunch was a go and would call me when he got to my street. When he got to my street- I went down to meet him…
He then “suggested” that instead of going to the park- again a block away from me… or any of the good restaurants near me… that we would drive BACK to the town where his wife was doing the event… have lunch there- and then take the dog for a walk.
I, being the twit that I am, agreed…
The highlight, to me, was the fact that he had a gps that ‘gave’ him directions- and he occasionally swore at it- as the directions sometimes seemed to leave a little to be desired.
When we got to the town- he sighted a Mexican place- and I suggested we go there. I made this suggestion because a) I like Mexican and b) I wanted to have a LITTLE input.
So we ate at the Mexican place… and towards the end of the meal- he gets a call from his wife… SO we jump back into the car and he drives me back to Boston…. Because ya know- his wife needed him
And I just feel USED that the only reason my dad had lunch with me was that his wife was too busy.
And because of that- I have decided… I’m not going to go to his house for Christmas. Maybe this is because I had a crappy night’s sleep last night… and I expect a worse one tonight--- BUT I think it’s because I’ve had enough of my dad and being second fiddle to the women he’s married to.
I didn’t tell my dad this face to face- because I’m a wuss… I just emailed my dad… And I called my younger brother telling him I’d like to see him( my brother) some OTHER time while he’s on the East Coast.
Labels: Dad, Dad's CURRENT Wife
3 Comments:
At 12/14/2008 12:34:00 PM,
Unknown said…
No matter how justified, or whether over e-mail or not, the conversation where you let your parent know how big of a putz they are never goes well. I hope yours breaks this trend
At 12/15/2008 09:32:00 AM,
Drew said…
nope- it's not gonna go well AT ALL.
I just checked my email... and my father's wife reams me...
She was pissed that my father left her at the event... when OTHER wives husbands were there.
My dad sent me 2 letters- but at this point... Ugh.
And I didn't expect it to go well- considering I remind people that my father called me EVIL!~
Yes, his calling me evil was over a decade ago- and he got over the reasoning behind him calling me evil... but me, it sticks with me that my father called me evil.
I also had to call BS on my younger bro- he said NOBODY loves me like our dad does... as in "Dad loves you more then anyone else" to which I had to call BS because a) he doesn't know how much MY mom does/ doesn't love me and
b) he doesn't know about a whole 1/2 of my family- i.e. my step sister has been very supportive of me...
At 12/15/2008 11:48:00 AM,
Aimee said…
I agree with Evan on this but to another point, informing him over e-mail doesn't make you a wuss, sweetness, not at all. Past experiences have shown you that dealing with your father face-to-face is just stressful and typically ends with rehashing of old issues between you. I don't blame you for the way you handled the situation and completely understand your feelings on this.
{{{HUGS}}}
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