Fallout
Ok- since I wrote about my letter to my Dad (no X-Mas for YOU) I feel I owe it to write about the responses I got
Step Sister- Though I ‘drunkly’ left messages for my two brothers on Saturday night… I talked to her first on Sunday AM- as my brothers live in Ca. She was VERY supportive. I told her straight away a) Not to tell my mom--- as I didn’t want her to find out until I was ready to deal with my mom. B) could I still show up on X-mas day at HER house and just skip my Dad’s… I asked this because I knew she’d have her mom’s side of the family there( and I thought her in-laws)… and I didn’t want to mess with THEIR time with my step sister and her sons… but I did want to see my nephews for X-mas.
She understood that my Dad is a putz, wants to see me for the holiday AND is totally fine with me bringing my menorah to light with the boyz( as she’s like ½ Jewish- her kids ¼)
½ Brother- Normally I try to call him my “younger” brother BUT I feel that I need to call him my half for this post.
See we ended up having words. I will admit that I was bad- I basically drunk called him on Saturday night to complain about Dad. Bro didn’t answer, I left a message and THEN I disconnected my phone- because I really didn’t want to talk--- I just wanted to go to bed. In hindsight it was stupid to call him and leave a message telling him I wouldn’t be there for X-mas and then NOT responding to him calling me back about 10 min. later.
That said- a) His complaining that I was making it HARDER for him to see me… just filled me with meh. Basically I boiled it down to- he was arguing that I should deal with my Dad and my Dad’s wife… because it would make easier for HIM to see ME. And I was like… um, no.
b) And this is why I say- he’s my HALF brother… He had the nerve to tell me that NOBODY loves me as much as our Dad. WTF?
I called BS! on him. Letting him know that he did NOT know my mom or really half of my family… so how could he say that? The best he could say is my Dad loves me more then HE does.
We got into a bit of a heated exchange on Sunday- but I did talk to him later in the week( he called me) and we SEEM to be ok. Not sure when I’m going to see him next BUT he at least is sorta PRETENDING to understand- even if he doesn.t
My Older Brother- He got it right away. He was pretty supportive. He did ask me for the note I sent to my Dad… and the letter I got from my Dad’s wife in response to it… but I told him I’d prefer not to share that.
I also found out from my older brother that my father’s wife had a 70th birthday party for Dad- and did NOT invite ANY of us kids- i.e. Me, my older brother or my ½ brother… never mind the fact that a) my older brother asked her MONTHS ago if she wanted to do something special for the 70th b’day and b) my ½ brother was actually here on the East Coast for our Dad’s 70th.
My mom- Ok, this was a bit awkward. I meant to call her on Tuesday AFTER I spoke to my therapist- maybe that was using him as a crutch- but I really was NOT looking forward to talking to her about this. My step sister called me on Monday and told me she had heard from my Mom that MOM knew about this- and was only concerned with whether she (Mom) was still going to see me the day after X-mas.
The way things have worked for the past few years( even if my Dad doesn’t remember) IS- I go to my dad’s X-mas day, via Amtrak, hang out with Dad + Dad’s side of the family AND THEN Dad drives me to my step sister’s place where I spend the night… and then see my mom the next day as she gets some post X-mas time with the family.
My mom however called me BEFORE I went to my therapist… and I think it was awkward because we both wanted the other to go first. She went first and said basically that she was saddened by this BUT she understood and wouldn’t pressure me.
I also thought it was amusing because SHE thought that my problem with my Dad was NOT being invited to his 70th… She had NOT heard about what happened Saturday… and yeah I told her. She was suitably peeved… but then again my Mom holds grudges and so often likes griping about my Dad/his OTHER wives.
So my Mom was supportive- but making sure SHE gets time with me. I thought it was a tad amusing that she even tried to bribe me to see her on X-mas, by saying that if I was with her on X-mas… she’d make me latkas… which she often kvetches about how annoying they are to make.
My dad and his current wife sent me email responses. I should mention that I did NOT send a copy of my letter to him to her…
I brought all 3 letters to my therapist because I figured it would be better for him if rather then if I said- “my Dad’s letter said x” if the therapist could read ACTUALLY what was said. I also felt this was ok- because if my Dad could share MY letter with his wife- then I could share THEIR letters with my therapist.
My therapist said that my letter was a big F YOU! to my Dad… I didn’t realize how angry my letter was to him… but understand how it ended up that way as I was a bit drunk, tired and pretty angry.
He felt that my Dad’s wife’s letter was a big F YOU TOO!
And finally my Dad’s letter- while being a tad manipulative- my therapist pointed out that my Dad WAS WILLING to meet with the therapist.
Which my therapist wants.
I should also mention that when I mentioned the fact that Dad seems willing to meet with my therapist- both my brothers thought I should take him up on it… as they both hope for reconciliation between the two of us. To be honest, I’m putting off writing my Dad about taking him up on his offer.
I’m putting it off for two reasons- the first is to make sure of my motives…. As when I first thought about my Dad meeting my therapist; I really thought of this meeting as a) to prove to my therapist what a putz my Dad is… AND b) instead of reconciliation- maybe to have this meeting for ‘closure’… which I think is not the best way to go into this sort of thing.
The second reason to put this off--- is because I sort of want the therapist to read the note I send my Dad- IF I were to send him one.
I say I want him to proofread the note- partly to put off sending such a note to my Dad… and partly because I feel that my Dad’s wife will read it and tear it apart… so I want to make sure I write what I mean.
That’s it for now… spent a good amount of time writing this but thought it was important. If I tell you guys news- I should follow it up and keep you informed.
Step Sister- Though I ‘drunkly’ left messages for my two brothers on Saturday night… I talked to her first on Sunday AM- as my brothers live in Ca. She was VERY supportive. I told her straight away a) Not to tell my mom--- as I didn’t want her to find out until I was ready to deal with my mom. B) could I still show up on X-mas day at HER house and just skip my Dad’s… I asked this because I knew she’d have her mom’s side of the family there( and I thought her in-laws)… and I didn’t want to mess with THEIR time with my step sister and her sons… but I did want to see my nephews for X-mas.
She understood that my Dad is a putz, wants to see me for the holiday AND is totally fine with me bringing my menorah to light with the boyz( as she’s like ½ Jewish- her kids ¼)
½ Brother- Normally I try to call him my “younger” brother BUT I feel that I need to call him my half for this post.
See we ended up having words. I will admit that I was bad- I basically drunk called him on Saturday night to complain about Dad. Bro didn’t answer, I left a message and THEN I disconnected my phone- because I really didn’t want to talk--- I just wanted to go to bed. In hindsight it was stupid to call him and leave a message telling him I wouldn’t be there for X-mas and then NOT responding to him calling me back about 10 min. later.
That said- a) His complaining that I was making it HARDER for him to see me… just filled me with meh. Basically I boiled it down to- he was arguing that I should deal with my Dad and my Dad’s wife… because it would make easier for HIM to see ME. And I was like… um, no.
b) And this is why I say- he’s my HALF brother… He had the nerve to tell me that NOBODY loves me as much as our Dad. WTF?
I called BS! on him. Letting him know that he did NOT know my mom or really half of my family… so how could he say that? The best he could say is my Dad loves me more then HE does.
We got into a bit of a heated exchange on Sunday- but I did talk to him later in the week( he called me) and we SEEM to be ok. Not sure when I’m going to see him next BUT he at least is sorta PRETENDING to understand- even if he doesn.t
My Older Brother- He got it right away. He was pretty supportive. He did ask me for the note I sent to my Dad… and the letter I got from my Dad’s wife in response to it… but I told him I’d prefer not to share that.
I also found out from my older brother that my father’s wife had a 70th birthday party for Dad- and did NOT invite ANY of us kids- i.e. Me, my older brother or my ½ brother… never mind the fact that a) my older brother asked her MONTHS ago if she wanted to do something special for the 70th b’day and b) my ½ brother was actually here on the East Coast for our Dad’s 70th.
My mom- Ok, this was a bit awkward. I meant to call her on Tuesday AFTER I spoke to my therapist- maybe that was using him as a crutch- but I really was NOT looking forward to talking to her about this. My step sister called me on Monday and told me she had heard from my Mom that MOM knew about this- and was only concerned with whether she (Mom) was still going to see me the day after X-mas.
The way things have worked for the past few years( even if my Dad doesn’t remember) IS- I go to my dad’s X-mas day, via Amtrak, hang out with Dad + Dad’s side of the family AND THEN Dad drives me to my step sister’s place where I spend the night… and then see my mom the next day as she gets some post X-mas time with the family.
My mom however called me BEFORE I went to my therapist… and I think it was awkward because we both wanted the other to go first. She went first and said basically that she was saddened by this BUT she understood and wouldn’t pressure me.
I also thought it was amusing because SHE thought that my problem with my Dad was NOT being invited to his 70th… She had NOT heard about what happened Saturday… and yeah I told her. She was suitably peeved… but then again my Mom holds grudges and so often likes griping about my Dad/his OTHER wives.
So my Mom was supportive- but making sure SHE gets time with me. I thought it was a tad amusing that she even tried to bribe me to see her on X-mas, by saying that if I was with her on X-mas… she’d make me latkas… which she often kvetches about how annoying they are to make.
My dad and his current wife sent me email responses. I should mention that I did NOT send a copy of my letter to him to her…
I brought all 3 letters to my therapist because I figured it would be better for him if rather then if I said- “my Dad’s letter said x” if the therapist could read ACTUALLY what was said. I also felt this was ok- because if my Dad could share MY letter with his wife- then I could share THEIR letters with my therapist.
My therapist said that my letter was a big F YOU! to my Dad… I didn’t realize how angry my letter was to him… but understand how it ended up that way as I was a bit drunk, tired and pretty angry.
He felt that my Dad’s wife’s letter was a big F YOU TOO!
And finally my Dad’s letter- while being a tad manipulative- my therapist pointed out that my Dad WAS WILLING to meet with the therapist.
Which my therapist wants.
I should also mention that when I mentioned the fact that Dad seems willing to meet with my therapist- both my brothers thought I should take him up on it… as they both hope for reconciliation between the two of us. To be honest, I’m putting off writing my Dad about taking him up on his offer.
I’m putting it off for two reasons- the first is to make sure of my motives…. As when I first thought about my Dad meeting my therapist; I really thought of this meeting as a) to prove to my therapist what a putz my Dad is… AND b) instead of reconciliation- maybe to have this meeting for ‘closure’… which I think is not the best way to go into this sort of thing.
The second reason to put this off--- is because I sort of want the therapist to read the note I send my Dad- IF I were to send him one.
I say I want him to proofread the note- partly to put off sending such a note to my Dad… and partly because I feel that my Dad’s wife will read it and tear it apart… so I want to make sure I write what I mean.
That’s it for now… spent a good amount of time writing this but thought it was important. If I tell you guys news- I should follow it up and keep you informed.
Labels: Dad, Dad's CURRENT Wife, Holidays
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